In what secret of family happiness?
“In what a secret of your family happiness, the aunt Tanya? Why you have no scandals, the uncle Kolya is always cheerful, always houses and does not gad on pothouses?“ - the niece asked me recently. I reflected and decided to write article in which I will try to open this subject.
Each girl dreams to meet the prince, but not everyone will be able to distinguish him among the admirers. Some are guided by councils of girlfriends: “Normal guy. What else it is necessary for you? The car is, the apartment, parents decent. Leave, everything will be “oh, Kay“ Someone touches grooms as the apples in the market and attracted with an equal, smooth, pink flank having only cut houses, see that inside a wormhole. The third are registered because the child should give a surname, and having undersigned, get divorced soon, without having managed to make either themselves, or the child happy. The fourth jump out on huge as a soap bubble of love, but how many a soap bubble do not inflate, it all the same will burst.
It is possible to bring a lot more formulas of a female illusive marriage, I want to share the experience the formula rather of female happiness. It seems to me, I have the right to it. I am not a psychologist and I do not know this science. I will try to tell and open frankly the secret of family happiness, happiness of the woman, wife.
I was twenty years old, and believe it or not, but I consider, as in twenty years it is necessary to be able to see further the nose and to notice everything around itself. When I see how the young man like a sailor swears at the girl, I precisely know that he, having become the husband, will swear at her twice more often. When the guy hits in the face the girl whom he meets, how many he would not apologize though it in blood will hurt knees, be sure that you should receive from it slaps in the face and in a marriage. When your young man keeps to you the appointment drunk, you catch in husbands of strongly drinking person who can turn into the alcoholic. If you learn that your promised is fond of a grass or drugs, run from him as the devil from an incense: never to correct to you the parasite, the alcoholic and the addict.
My boyfriend kept to me the appointment in trousers to shooters, in the pure and ironed clothes, from it never smelled of alcohol or tobacco, it was not late for one appointment, gave flowers, drove at cinema, was lovely, attentive, affable and careful. Never insulted and did not deceive, from the station bore bags itself, was not impudent, did not lay down conditions. When he made me the proposal, I agreed. Also joint life began at us.
Compatibility, joint, together - words of one root. The deep meaning is put into them. It would be quite good to think of it before filing of application in the REGISTRY OFFICE. And that suddenly after a wedding is found out that only the husband has to bring money to the house (option the wife). But life joint, means everything has to be together including earning money if only it not feeding of the child.
We planned expenditure together too. Even if the husband was going to buy me expensive gift for March 8 or on birthday, he surely consulted on me if only it were not the left receipts. I never demanded gold and diamonds because I considered and I consider that not in trinkets happiness. If we bought something to the house, then too proceeded from “need“, and not from “I want“
. It does not mean that we did not make mistakes, made, but did not quarrel from - for it because made the decision together, in common.
A stumbling block for a young family - household chores. Here, in my opinion, too there cannot be other decision, as well as in formation of the family budget. However it is accurate you should not divide duties. If the wife prepares, and the husband does not help her with it because repairs the car or writes the report, then it is not necessary to remind as required:“ And yesterday you spent the whole day with the car and did nothing the house“.
Hunting and fishing. If your husband is a hunter or the fisherman, then consider that you were largely lucky: there are hobbies more abruptly and more dangerously. But what hobby at the husband would not be, you have to reconcile to it and not declare at all: either I, or hunting, and that am even better: you on hunting, and I with the girlfriend in restaurant. Everything will end with crash of family life.
By the way, about friends and girlfriends. Modern psychologists all in eager rivalry advise the woman tired of household chores and simply that the routine did not absorb her, to go with girlfriends to cafe or restaurant or just to sit at one of them. I dare to assure you that from this habit nothing good will turn out. If you want to be happy, then your best friend after a marriage there has to be a husband. And all your other girlfriends have to pass into the category of good acquaintances, girlfriends of the childhood or friends at once.
Do not complain of the mother-in-law husband at all. The maternal love is the strongest on light, and rare mother is capable to value the child according to the merits, usually the level is overestimated several times. Therefore when you complain that your husband, and her son, does not help you at all, mother usually thinks: “Itself not the mistress, for days on end and so with girlfriends by phone you stir“.
Never humiliate the half, do not compare it to anybody. It at you one and only and unique. One of my acquaintances in a friendly circle liked to tell about misses of the husband. At first the man reddened and justified itself, and then ceased to concern a family life at all. Now she is indignant that she every time should address familiar masters to repair something on the house, and the husband at it instead of furniture.
Be not jealous the half of the past. Seldom there is a love at first sight and one for the rest of life. People meet, fall in love, leave when they understand that they have different roads or for some other reason. Time will come - you learn about the past of the half if you are not present, then let the past remain in memory of the one who protects it.
Probably, in one article it is impossible to tell everything about secrets of family happiness and I stated the basic rules by which I was guided all 35 years of the happy family life.