How to understand inconsistent behavior of the loved one?Many of us come up against a situation of misunderstanding in communication with close people. Our relatives sometimes behave is unpredictable, and we try to understand what is behind this or that act. And not always on this question there is a definite answer.
For example why the man is sometimes careful and gentle, and it is sometimes cold or detached? Why the woman at one moments shows sincere admiration of the partner, and in others forces it to be jealous, requires attention? How to understand why the person behaves it is inconsistent and is inconsistent?
The psychological concept which claims that in each person there lives the great number of persons will help to answer these questions. In other words, in each of us there are several internal parts, each of which possesses some originality. The person can realize these parts of, and can even not suspect about their existence.
As appear parts of our personality?the Main and most deep parts of our personality appear usually and fixed by
in the childhood in the course of communication in a family. In order that the independent part was formed, the strong or long emotional situation in which the child stays is necessary.
Let`s present a conditional situation: mother certainly loves and shows approval to the child in all situations, but at some moments becomes nervous and irritable, for example, when the child shows some quality which is not pleasant to her. Let`s say mother takes independence of the child very painfully and begins to sicken and abuse him at such moments. At some point there is a situation when the child begins to do something in own way.
Independence as initially casual quality, receives an emotional reinforcement, pay attention to it. What such situation can lead to? To the fact that the child, and subsequently already and the adult, can refuse manifestations of this quality, in this case - independence. For the child the most important is receiving attention and love from parents (most of all - from mother). And he in every way seeks to receive it. As manifestation of any quality does not let know love and approval, there will be a desire to suppress this quality and not to show it.
So in the child there was one of parts of his personality who will interfere in this case in further life with independence manifestation not to lose maternal love.
As part of our personality can cause inconsistent behavior?
We described conditions of emergence of one part of the personality. Such parts can be much. They can appear in different situations, including situations inconsistent, and therefore will push the person on inconsistent behavior. Let`s add our example with independence and we will track what else parts of the personality can be connected with this quality and as they can influence behavior already of the adult.
So, we will present that in our case the father of the child is positive to manifestations of independence at the son. He encourages when the child does something, praises it for it, is proud of his personal achievements, beginning from the first children`s steps to a gain of prize-winning places at the school Olympic Games. In this case at the child the part of the personality which is ready to manifestation of independent actions in some spheres can be created, encourages it to these actions etc. of
But it already has the first part which forbids to show independence on pain of deprivation of love. How it can be shown in the subsequent life? Perhaps, such child will show activity, independence and to try to obtain success in social life, but will be timid and passive in the relation with women. In one situations one part, will join in others - another.
And now we will be transferred to adulthood. Already grown up child, most likely, achieved progress in sport, career, perhaps, learned to earn not bad money, but in the relations with women behaves passively, with captation. And here - that his wife is surprised: as it is her husband, such self-assured person, in one situations the naporist also is resolute, and in others behaves as the offended child. We - that already understood that it is all about inconsistent human nature.
How independently to interpret inconsistent behavior of the person?
So, we understood from where originate and as there are inconsistent tendencies in the person. But all - we do not cease to be surprised to how people behave. And whether it is possible to try to understand unclear behavior, without digging in the past of the person and without being engaged in psychoanalysis?
In many cases such scheme will approach:
1. Take a case of inconsistent behavior which you would like to understand and explain for yourself for an example.
2. Define in what the contradiction consists.
3. Present that you deal not with one, and with two people. One of them realizes one behavior, the second - another.
4. Try to understand separately each of these two people. What do they want what aims are pursued? Perhaps, you will have assumptions in what family conditions and situations these people were created. In fact, it is also parts of the identity of that person whom you try to understand.
5. When you will understand separately behavior of two parts of the personality, remember that the person can quite not realize the different parts and show one, another. And at this stage you can understand this person even better, than he yourself.