How to find mutual understanding with the teenager?
For most of parents of 21 centuries a hot topic of relationship with the child, especially, if it is the teenager. Awkward age which begins from 12 years as all psychologists blow, very difficult period I think that many will agree with it. Problems which arise on the way of the child to this period leave a deep print for the rest of life therefore it is very important correct to overcome it.
“ Why my many acquaintances do not face problems of awkward age at the children? “ First of all, probably, should telling
that if you - parent, you “ you reap the fruits “ namely, it can be result of defects in education. You should not blame the child, for all problems which he faces or which he creates. It is worth understanding that it does it on ignorance and lack of life experience. Many will ask a question: “ Why to my child life experience? Why to it in general to try to learn independent and conscious life at such age?“ Business is in that, he wants it or not, it will occur sooner or later if not self-willedally, then under the influence of people around, and all that remains to parents - it to accept the events as due, it will even be better if parents make it.
What method to use? Whip or gingerbread? Both ways at this age are already ineffective
as from the person the personality is allocated. Many parents consider that under a rigid hand and control, the child will think again and will improve, but it is not it. The matter is that you should not even try to cause from the child respect and understanding in such a way because causes it by no means not that you want, and only negative emotions, such as hatred and continuous aggression. Actually, it is any more not that age when it is possible to get a belt or to stand in the corner that the child understood what from it is wanted.
As for the second method, this your business. If you always so brought up the child, then you should not change the direction as it will not lead to anything good. But sharp transition to this method will give nothing too, most likely the child will feel a certain slackness and freedom. Though if nevertheless to speak about this age, then the teenager needs freedom. It will be better if you leave for some time of the child alone, and you will allow him to understand everything.
During this period you should not press, threaten for it and so forth. It is necessary to explain only with available language what can lead the wrong acts to, but also you should not part huge discussions which only take excess time and look as an idle talk as in the majority they are boring and monotonous. You need only to try to remember yourself at this age, to find something similar between you then your child. And as a result to transfer any conversation to a friendly chat, it will be so simpler also to you and your child.
“ I was bothered by continuous quarrels with my child. It already becomes intolerable. “ Parents are eternally sure by
that they know everything that is necessary for the child, but children, as usual, have the opposite point of view. Quarrels it is absolutely useless because finally it will not lead to anything, it is proved on the example of the majority of families. But, as they say: “ Rushed! “ and here already there`s nothing to be done, little by little, and here all already on nerves. Is to steam of simple methods to avoid scandals. The first, it not to provoke them and not to react to aggression from the child. The second not to give in on provocation from children.
As a result, I want to note the most important: to avoid problems in awkward age, it is necessary to begin with the childhood, it is important also to try to reach compromise which will be favorable to both parties, try to listen more to the child and to allow it to be uttered. Well, and to preserve the nerves, never react to aggression, try to carry on conversation in quiet tones that will suit also you and your child.