You love love or How to build the relations?
of the Relation … “Nutritious broth“ or the paralyzing poison for any human life? We look for the relations, we avoid the relations, we very much want them, and we very much are afraid of them … We are sophisticated protected in the relations - from what?
From pain of disappointments. From unjustified expectations. But from where at us all these “before -“ - taste and expectation? Yes we are stuffed with any models of the “bad“ relations and the “good“ relations since the earliest childhood. And in the register of all possible ways to build the relations each of us has the it “is possible“, it “is never “necessary“, “and it is impossible for anything!“.
It is necessary to help, and “at any cost!“. “Yes“ it is always more preferable, than “is not present!“. “It is bad to swear!“ “It is possible to be praised, but it is not necessary“. I think, each of you will type such “the set of rules and laws of the relations“. Something in it will be universal, “for all“ - public morals. For example, ban on a cannibalism. Or on an incest.
And, probably, all will agree with me - first of all in the relations we look for love, warmth and comfort “you for me, and I for you“. Opportunities to gain recognition, at - Ya - ty. Well, and material support, of course, - when it is possible the efforts to put with efforts of the loved one and to receive such … more productive, rich, steady result. Material result as quality of the physical life.
Ideally we take models of such relations from parents - in their attitude towards us, children, and to each other. But if they had “the broken love“ then we are generally focused by them on options “as it is impossible“ or “as it is sick and terrible“, “it is lonely and empty together“, and in the most extreme cases - “as is dangerous and unsteady“ to be attached to Someone.
And then we take examples of “the correct love“ from children`s fairy tales, from any literature about “they lived long and happily and died in one day“. And there usually very in detail write about the beginning of the relations, and here the most interesting - as it is possible to live long and at the same time it is happy - miss. We in experience often have models of how it is possible to live “long and is unhappy“, “is hopelessly patient“ or in eternal searches of “happiness on the party“.
There is a lot of in how we will build the adult relations, depends on on what party there were our sympathies in joint “not - happiness“ parents. If mother took us, children, in allies against the father - the alcoholic or the father - “idler“, and any our manifestation of sympathy for it or the children`s love was “treachery of beloved mummy“, then most likely, we to ourselves in partners will choose as adults alcoholics and idlers that though so “to dolyubit“ the father.
And at last to realize the unconscious protest against coercions in love … We quite so will be sure of ourselves - that I - that will be able “to rescue the father“ (read - the already the guy or the husband) from an addiction. This is here mother sawed the father and “chmorit“, and he, poor, was simply forced “to wash down“ the pain and a grief. And I will be able “to correct“ the love it and “to cure“.
And here is how to build the relations with it is equal - the valuable partner, without “spasatelstvo“, so without unconscious domination, let and such women have no domination by “good and love“, - as a rule, ideas. And experience equally - pravny life with Another too.
And their over - the care is especially attractive to the dependent, looking for “mummy“ partners. And usually “sacrifice and forgiveness“ frighten off other, more independent men more likely. Here the Rescuer to himself - the Victim - also finds the soulmate.
And life is fine, the scenario is known, we live to ourselves...