What is the paradoxical education?
“Three misfortunes are at the person - an old age, death and bad children. The old age inevitably, death is relentless - before them nobody can close a door of the house. And from bad children the house it is possible and it is necessary to save, as from fire“. This statement of V. A. Sukhomlinsky Nina Pavlovna, the teacher at whom my children studied opened PTA meetings from year to year.
these Meetings were an event for each family. Mothers and fathers went together. Household chores were postponed for later. The appearance always was absolute.
Our “N. P.“ had an iron rule from which it never departed, - good it is told about children loudly and publicly, bad - quietly and alone. It is clear, why parents went for these meetings. Who does not want to hear kind words about the child?
In the field of education of teenagers our Nina Pavlovna had a wealth of experience. It worked with seniors. Let out the tenth class, and to it right there “threw“ next difficult the ninth.
“Teenage age - age difficult, age critical, - N. P. said - to be young - difficult. Adolescence - always searches of the truth about love and death. This constant concern: “Suddenly I not such, how all?“ and horror: “Suddenly I such, how all?“ At this age of people it is very vulnerable. And it masks it severity, cynicism. Cruel youth is cruel to itself and to others“.
And now - stop! It stop being frightened and to frighten each other. Often clever parents find a way out of difficult situations if they arise in communication with teenagers. Each of us has knowledge and the life experience. And if it is impossible, we ask for suggestions others.
But reference books on education of teenagers do not exist. And it is unclear what grant will help if after the next scandal your beloved daughter slams a door of the room with tears and shout: “You will never understand me!“
with answers to these difficult questions we came back from PTA meetings at Nina Pavlovna. We frankly discussed concrete life situations at these meetings, tried to find possible ways of the solution of the conflicts with teenagers. And ways not banal which most often also were the most successful. N P. called it paradoxical education. Of course, it is not the scientific term, but for “internal use“ we, parents, actively applied it.
“The most important - not to shut a window of communication with children, - N. P. said - If there is a communication, there is also a possibility of influence. And for this purpose all ways are good“.
Me the case told at PTA meeting by one dear lady, mother of three children was especially remembered. It adequately resolved imminent conflict thanks to the fact that managed to establish confidential communication with the son.
Once the son - the teenager approached it and asked money, a little, but now and urgently. “On what?“ - she took an interest. The son absolutely sincerely answered: “To buy a vodka bottle“.
The boy explained that his friend had a trouble - he was thrown by the girlfriend. Now the guy is very upset, worries, and here three best friends decided to support him: to sit where - nibud, to drink, talk, well, to console the poor creature.
Mother, naturally, was horrified, having imagined as teenagers, including her own son, somewhere in a gate or at others entrance drink cheap vodka. She refused to give money, but offered that all company of hour through three came to them home. During this time mother quickly built couple of salads, made cutlets and fried a huge frying pan of potato. Then laid a table, exposed a bottle of expensive wine, a bottle of good qualitative vodka and declared to the been children that the apartment at their order. And itself left to the girlfriend.
When it returned, at home was pure and silent, vodka remained untouched, wine is half drunk. But all food was eaten without the rest. The son approached, embraced her and told: “You know, ma, guys told that they envy what cool mother at me“.
Now to this boy it is already far for twenty. He served in army, studies and works, and all his friends still like to gather for a sit-round gathering at his place.
We draw a conclusion: at similar unusual situations you should not follow the tastes the first reactions though, at first sight, they seem the most natural. You ask from me money for vodka?! Parshivets, still milk on lips did not dry! And so on in the same vein.
But though it and is hard, try to take a minute time - a miss. Cope with nervousness, slightly - slightly think, and it is obligatory for you the decision which will suit also you, and the child will come to mind.
To raise good children, fair sincere efforts are necessary. But only knowing as well as where to use these efforts, we will be able to save the house from bad children and from bitter disappointments.
If properly to think, each of us for certain will remember cases from the life which remained in memory. Well so give, dear fathers and mothers to impart this invaluable experience because it - for the benefit of our children. So, for our benefit.