How to avoid “base ingratitude“?
to Everyone, I believe, it was necessary to face in life an ingratitude instead of appreciation. And what to recognize? Here - that is also covered a secret of this phenomenon. Recognition... The person who was helped has to express recognition to the one who rendered service or helped, but at the same time has to recognize also the weakness, strong the help is not necessary.
And here its unconscious strikes a pose, and self-respect - on racks.
Nobody wants to feel weak and it is unpleasant to remember the moments of the weakness. From here and forgetfulness of winners favor of others.
Subconsciously, and sometimes and consciously, the person tries not only to forget, but also “to rewrite“ the personal history where he looks already in other light. Even if this history is far from true events, the person so wishes to keep self-respect and the importance that through some time itself begins to trust in the beautiful fairy tale composed by it sacredly.
Only you do not hurry to claim that you have no such “beautiful fairy tales“. Remember at least the relations with parents... The most conflict site of our life. Parents also try to help, but is often so clumsy that will only wound vanity of children. They are sure that they act for the good of children, and just take away from them an opportunity to ego-trip, let and through bruises and cones. What parent did not exclaim:
- I helped it, and it...
- And you about it asked?
- Yes, as? We perfectly know that for our children it is better!
And the knowledge of children that it is better for them is crushed by parental confidence in the correctness with the subsequent expectation, naturally, of appreciation and gratitude. Only, having trampled on self-respect of another (even own child), we will receive everything exactly the opposite from expected - “base ingratitude“.
Why the relation to helping changes? Here it is even more difficult. The benefactor or helping begins to be associated with a situation where the person looked lost, humiliated or weak. And how you consider what shadow is cast by all situation on the benefactor? It already and not the benefactor, but witness of weakness. To it to wait for mercy it is useless, as well as appreciation.
Here also it turns out, as in an ironic saying: do not do to people well, to you it will not be bad. And you had not to have a strange feeling of unwillingness to meet and see people who, though helped, but witnessed your unattractive helplessness?
And what now, will ask me to help nobody? Well, we will not go into extremes. The first: probably, it is necessary to avoid to help others when about it do not ask. And precisely - not to impose the help with good intentions which, as we know, covered the road in the direction, undesirable to us. In - the second, the level of expectations is better not to overestimate and not to wait for gratitude for deeds, and these blessings will give that to a self-interest plowing. And the third: to remember that the main instinct of the person - not sex, but feeling of own importance. We feel better when we help than when we accept this help.
Yes, still not a sin also to learn to be grateful, and that even in prayers people complain and ask about the help, expressing “base ingratitude“ to forces which created us. Therefore also are afraid of God rather, than express gratitude which he, perhaps, needs not less us, and deserved - precisely more.