Where our feelings leave?
Every time, falling in love, we feel elation. However time passes, and often lovely weaknesses of the partner turn into an irritation source. We become more and more intolerant. We begin to carp even at nonexistent problems.
the Love is a big magnifying glass or a mirror in which all our own difficulties and complexes become visible especially obviously.
- Do you have no feeling that the partner reacts to some of your statements inadequately?
- whether seems to you that sometimes you make scandal from - for nonsense?
- whether you from relatives heard that you misinterpret their words and acts?
- whether is found for you it: you hardly forgive offenses even if the conflict is already resolved?
If you though once answered “yes“, then let`s understand this question.
Each of us bears in himself a big emotional burden. They collected at us since the childhood and if in the childhood we not strongly went in cycles in it, then now consequences of children`s injuries rise to the utmost.
It can be offenses on the father for the fact that he found for you not enough time, or on mother for the fact that did not buy a desired toy, or the brother did not pay attention to your experiences. All these emotions become bricks of the unique building what you are, your identity.
The closer you approach the partner, the to easier quashed feelings to escape outside. And hard feelings - those which it is accepted to call negative are quashed by us more often.
Look attentively that in the partner causes in you negative feelings, and then it is honest and frank - on itself and the behavior. Most likely, you will notice what especially irritates you or strains what you strenuously in yourself deny and do not accept.
Whether somebody taught you how it is necessary to love?
Of course, we have no special lessons of creation of the relations, and it is a pity... In process of a growing all of us learn in the relations and art to love at the parents, at the grandmother, the grandfather, elder sisters and brothers, at the aunt and the uncle.
The child inevitably studies the relations at the relatives, at the family. Exactly looking at parents you accustomed yourself to reserve or on the contrary - to openness. If you saw how they lie each other, then comprehended lie science. If they concealed the feelings, then you learned to do the same. All of us imitate the parents since the birth, even then, when we do not want.
Parents gave us the first lesson of the relations, and we receive the second lesson from society. If earlier at cinema people saw generally idealized families which are adjusted on creation of bright future, then now it is most often changes, the free relations, inveterate bachelors, the unmarried women living only for themselves and for the sake of earning money, leading a rollicking life. Happiness began to be associated with freedom, and freedom from any obligations.
Often it is necessary to hear from young people that they want the free relations without any obligations. But the relations is a work, and difficult work. And any work implies responsibility.
Of course, the relation to marriage changes. At the time of our great-grandmothers to marriage treated not as a romantic adventure, and more likely as the economic transaction. Remember, often parents of young people agreed about a wedding and about that as well as where there will live newlyweds.
Women married to find the supporter (they did not work), the man married to find a cosiness, care and children. At the same time the love and happiness were considered as special luck. Then also expression “love comes with habit“ was born.
Normal sexual and spiritual life were considered as an excess. And spiritual life was reduced generally to viewing of movies about bright future and how well we live.
It was already easier for generation of our parents, they could solve with whom to enter the relations. And still marriage and by all means the birth of children was the only acceptable choice.
Only now people found freedom to solve, to marry to them or not. Revolution in this direction was made by emergence of contraceptives (this main achievement of the left century) which changed moral foundations, emancipation of women and in general their exit from the house.
We copy the relations of the parents and that the wrong installations acquired in the childhood did not spoil to us life, it is necessary to distinguish a problem in time and to solve it.
Sometimes happens so that the person very much tries to love, but it is impossible to him.
There is such concept “emotional wall“. It when the person emotionally isolates himself from the others. That is its painful experience is so big that it is terrible to it to be emotionally close to other people. Emotional walls do not collapse by itself but only grow between partners. The love turns from pleasure into suffering.
Communication lasts, we continue to hope that there will be a miracle: one morning we will wake up - and everything will be wonderful again how earlier. But alas, as a rule, miracles do not happen.
The relations is the work and quite difficult. That your relations did not reach a deadlock, did not lose the appeal, it is necessary to use the efforts. This and spiritual development, and ability in time to make a pause in the relations to understand the events. And the personal growth which assumes studying of literature, visit of theaters and exhibitions, seminars and courses.
If all - the relations do not develop, and you cannot find the reason of it, then do not neglect the help of the expert. The problem which was more started the more difficult to cope with it.
Be happy in the relations!