What to do if there was a change?
Are good that it never happened to us. Only having presented for a minute that the husband or the wife to us are incorrect, we feel pain, jealousy, offense and fear - fear of a gap with darling. When change is available, similar negative emotions are many times stronger and more painful.
you was betrayed! Also the closest made it to you the person. Having given in to a storm of emotions, in quick temper there is a wish to break off immediately with it any relations; not to see it, not to hear and by that to get rid of this pain.
And many of us arrive, alas. And then, after divorce, very often regret for the decision. Over time the understanding that the family could be kept … comes if it was succeeded to comprehend correctly at that moment a situation, to understand sense of the events.
I want to provide several simple rules which will help you to overcome crisis of the matrimonial relations and at the same time to keep a family.
Rule first. You do not hurry to confirm presumable change .
If you only suspect the husband (wife) of incorrectness, wonder whether really you want to know the truth? Properly think why you need truth. And what you will do with it if change is proved. If the family took place, to you well together and you love the second half, think whether it is necessary to arrange “dismantling“ to convict of incorrectness of the partner in life? Quarrels and scandals are capable to spoil your relations seriously. You not the first year together, your family has the history, the dynamics, the way. It is sometimes more reasonable not to notice “sins“ of the husband or wife, not to spoil to itself and him / her nerves, to preserve money (for example, having refused services of the private detective) and to live further, understanding that it is impossible to change the person.
Rule second. Endure the offense alone .
If change is the come true fact, try to endure the first reaction to it alone, far from your “apostate“. You are overflowed by negative emotions, they demand an exit, resolute actions. The first reaction always happens the most rough. Here it is very important to keep from impulsive acts with which then it will be a shame to you. It is necessary to work only after careful consideration, having weighed all pros and cons.
Without expressing the emotions in relation to the offender, try to use excess of the internal energy overflowing you in other naparvleniye. You descend in a campaign, arrange clear-out, safely undertake the most difficult affairs. Calm down as far as it is possible, and then you will be able soberly to look at a situation.
Rule third. Weigh all pros and cons .
do not sort out your relations at once and do not make impulsive decisions. Consider the behavior. You do not say that the husband or the wife “cleaned up forever“ (some only these words and wait). Do not run to the rival (competitor), do not row (then he will expose you in unattractive light). Do not take any inconsiderate act that subsequently not to regret about it! Changes of the husband (and wives) first of all speak about crisis of your family relations, but not about insidiousness of the competitor. Make everything depending on you to improve these relations instead of acting rashly them.
Rule fourth. Deceive yourself .
Should try to endure change and not to keep offense in itself. Do not wait that the problem will be solved in itself, and the heart pobolit - pobolit and will calm down. Time, of course, treats, but sometimes it it is required too much, and you should not spend life for one experiences.
Therefore be engaged in any affairs, important for a family, and the more you will gather them, the better. Urgently sign up for various courses, undertake the most difficult project at work, buy or download books which planned to read long ago, watch good movies. In other words - switch the attention to other problems and minimize reflections about the incident.
If nevertheless it is not possible to be disconnected completely from thoughts of change, think whether your partner in life is so good that so to be jealous him. Find faults of it and in every possible way exaggerate them. Besides, reflect whether it is correct to experience incorrectness so painfully. In principle, it happens in life quite often, so it is logical to expect that in life of each person it can meet.
Think whether it is impossible to forgive the spouse. Perhaps, it not really is also guilty. Whether you are sure that you will never appear in a similar situation? Whether you will be able to resist against a temptation? The person is weak. Analyse that in your intimate relations not and could push to change. Perhaps, you were insufficiently frank with the spouse? Whether there are things which you do not want to admit even to yourself? Think how it is possible to change a situation.
Rule fifth. Change yourself .
This most difficult rule and at the same time - the most constructive. Perceive change as one more opportunity to work over the relations. Why you moved away from each other recently? Perhaps, it is necessary to enter some changes into your life, to change family duties of everyone, to be engaged in the apartment or even to replace the residence (for example, to move to other city). Or perhaps just it is necessary to execute some cherished dream? For example, to go to travel together.
Learn to treat own life more actively and more positively. Whether not too you pay in life to your relations with the spouse much attention? Whether it is worth spending for others so many forces and nerves? Whether it is impossible so that you do not live, and you worry on the fact that occurs around you? Perhaps, came it is time to think also of himself? If you just take care of the own life - too not bad. It is useful to pay himself attention always.
A great number of women endured change of the husband with advantage for own life and a family. Follow an example of them. Than to stay at home with the lowered hands and on - masochistic to argue on how you were not lucky to remember, maybe, better that your abilities and talents can be directed to something more worthy?
Think what you would like to reach in life, except family fidelity. Also make the efforts in this direction.