Love instead of arrogance of
In the previous article we found out that the love to the child can be different. There is a “parental“ love when parents take a position: “I know better that it is necessary for you“ and deprive at the same time of the child of the rights, loading in exchange with all duties obligations. It is worth mentioning love sacrificial when parents meet requirements and desires of the child to the detriment of own interests.
We teach parents how to show the love characteristic of the adult healthy person. First of all, it is necessary to refuse a position of the know-it-all. In Christianity this trait of character is included in seven mortal sins and is designated as arrogance. Psychologists call it an egocentrism. We will not do the analysis of terms. It is important to understand that at the introduction in contact with the child, equally, as well as with other people, it is necessary to remember that you not God. Otherwise such position of the adult is called humility.
Before to inform the child as it seems to you, “truth“, ask yourself questions:
- And from what I took what this is true?
- Whether I impose the will now?
- What now moves me, love to the child or my egocentrism?
- What do I am afraid of?
As a rule, the arrogance prevents to show love. The little two-year-old daughter opened a mother`s pier glass, took lipstick and smeared with it furniture and walls. Mother in anger shouts at her: “How many times I said to you that it is impossible to take my lipstick! You will not go for a walk!“ this tells
to the Psychologist: “And what to me to thank her for it now and to pat on a back? And then it my cosmetics will cover with drawings all walls? I said to it that it is impossible!“
Ya, I, I … She considers that if she told something, then it has some force. And when practice showed what is not present, has no, she shouts from the helplessness at the daughter and tries to strengthen the power a ban and punishment.
I suggest mother to describe a situation as the daughter could see it:
- Tell, what has happened?
- I took lipstick from mother.
- For what?
- I saw how she made up with it lips, and I wanted to make too as it.
- What was farther?
- I began to draw. I very much like to draw. Mother praises me when I draw. I wanted that it was pleasant to it and that she praised me. (At mother tears began to flow).
Then the room was entered by mother and cried that I took lipstick.
- What did you feel?
- I was frightened. I did not understand what occurs. Mother abused me. I am bad. I began to cry.
In the following part of consultation I asked mother: “And how you could show the love to the child in this situation now, knowing that in you there is a humility, and you do not think any more that you can forbid the daughter to do something?“
- Well, I at first very much would be surprised. I would ask it to return me lipstick. I would tell it that I grudge lipstick. That it is necessary to eliminate consequences of her creativity somehow. Would suggest it to clear together with me walls. Would tell once again what to mean my things and its things. That it is necessary to ask permissions if you want to take others thing. Still I want to learn to agree with the child.
- Perfectly, to it we can devote our next meeting … to
Together with Yulia Vasyukova