How to endure divorce?
of the Man and the woman differently react to divorce. According to world statistics, in Europe and America 95% of marriages break up at the initiative of the woman.
to the Man it is very difficult to i to break a habitual framework, and it does it after long reflections and it is conscious. But then builds up the new relationship quickly as wishes and it is ready to be in system with the defined, set rules of conduct. The man is eager for freedom and restrictions at the same time.
The woman, on the contrary, most often does not want freedom, but after divorce by it it is much more difficult, than to the man to enter into the new relations.
The emotional condition of the person enduring divorce with the husband or the wife on weight of experiences is similar to feelings which people when losing relatives have. Time, as they say, treats, but not always and very slowly. To each of those who endures divorce now I wish to cope somewhat quicker with this hard test and to return to normal, full-fledged life.
How to make it? Let`s understand for a start that is felt by the person in such cases. Distinguish several consecutive stages in it emotionally - a psychological state. The first and one of the most difficult is full rejection of a situation , its denial.
A lie, it cannot be! It happens not to me. I watch film, now the movie will end, and everything will be still.
Unfortunately, still will never be any more. Your family broke up, and the first that needs to be made, it to accept a situation. Difficult, but absolutely necessary strong-willed decision to move further. If at you it is impossible to accept a situation at once, for a start just recognize that it needs to be made. Tell yourself: “Such is reality. I will try to learn to accept it. I want it to accept“. Believe, it works. Certainly, if your desire is sincere.
The second stage it is possible to call the period of emotional chaos . You want to find out why it occurred, to find guilty, to punish them … You feel sorry for yourself, think of the new relations and at the same time feel that you will not be able to accept them now, to enjoy them fully.
For what? What I it made? He deceived me! It is impossible to trust anybody!
I Want to give several simple advice how to cope with this stage and to draw the correct conclusions from the incident. It is important to understand: the fact that in your life there was a divorce, means that you are equally responsible for it. As well as the husband who “deceived“ you (we will name him, for example, Mikhail).
In - the first, it does not mean at all that it is necessary to trust nobody. Even if deception really took place, it is not necessary to consider all men (or all women) deceivers - they are not responsible for any one Mikhail`s actions.
In - the second if Mikhail acted this way unexpectedly for me, so I do not know something about him. Perhaps, I misjudged it, estimated it according to the standards, and it has absolutely other criteria. Means, I should learn to learn and accept standards of other person. That to understand it better and by that to be aware of what happens to it.
In - the third if the person leaves, so to him badly. I was taken by it unawares, so I did not know this person and did not understand, and was fixated on myself and the desires. But also he, in turn, ceased to believe in our joint happiness.
In - the fourth if the person ceased to believe in our joint happiness, so he ceased to believe that I am capable to change.
Having drawn such conclusions, it is easy to go into other extremes: to accuse itself of the incident . Very important! Do not cultivate in yourself sense of guilt! It will only aggravate your sufferings and will not bring any benefit. And in general say goodbye to excessive self-criticism. It is necessary to realize himself not guilty, but responsible for what occurred. And to support itself by words of approval.
For example, such: “I understand now why it happened, from now on it will not repeat. I am a beautiful person. I forgive myself sincerely. Also I forgive that person“.
Perhaps it sounds wildly, but believe, it works. Perhaps, it is necessary to repeat this phrase about forgiveness many times, but at some moment it will surely work.
Further the stage of a depression follows . It secretly, but constantly extorts from us energy. If you want to prove to the one who threw you that he was mistaken; to prove to all around that did right thing; if you suspect all surrounding that they want to deceive you - all this symptoms of the latent depression. She will not allow you to say goodbye to the become obsolete relations, will not allow to create others, transferring the old unfinished and not allowed affairs to new life and new love.
In order that it is better to understand how the depression affects mentality, imagine that cans are attached to your leg. In any attempt to move forward they disturb you, holding down the movements and creating the irritating noise. The same occurs also in our thoughts.
If the relations are emotionally not finished, they create a constant mental background in the head, and the person lives in the past, but not in reality. Every day you spend the mental energy which is released to you not for the solution of pressing problems, and for tiresome and senseless digging in the past. You continue to feel sorry for yourself, infinitely analyzing that was not so, and being afraid that in your life already nothing good happens.
The latent depression extorts from you vital force. Get rid of a depression the easiest way: finish at the emotional level already broken up relations . Any way is for this purpose good. For example, it is possible to arrange “commemoration“, farewell with old, and then to celebrate the beginning of new life. Or somehow in a different way, give vent to the imagination. New life already on a threshold.
You remember: what you in the past loved, speaks about your ability to love. You surely fall in love once again, and for you the new relations will reveal. I wish good luck!