Where the relations leave?
Every time falling in love we feel elation.
However time passes, and often, lovely weaknesses of the partner turn into an irritation source. We become more and more intolerant. We begin to carp even at nonexistent problems.
The love is a big magnifying glass or a mirror in which all our difficulties and complexes are visible especially obviously.
- Do you have feeling that the partner reacts to some of your statements inadequately?
- Whether it seems to you that sometimes you make scandal from - for nonsense?
- Whether you from people around heard that you misinterpret their words and acts?
- Whether it that you hardly forgive offenses even if the conflict is already resolved is found for you?
If you though once answered “yes“, then let`s understand this question.
Each of us bears in himself a big emotional burden.
They collected at us since the childhood and if in the childhood we not strongly went in cycles in it, then now children`s injuries rise for us to the utmost.
It can be offenses on the father, for the fact that he found for you time insufficiently, or on mother, that did not buy a new toy or the brother did not pay attention to your problem.
All these emotions are bricks of the unique building what you are, your identity.
The closer you approach the partner, the to easier quashed feelings to escape outside.
And feelings heavy are quashed by us more often, those which it is accepted to call negative.
Look attentively that in the partner causes in you negative feelings, and on itself also the behavior is honest and frank then. Most likely, you will notice what especially irritates you or strains what you strenuously in yourself deny and do not accept.
Whether somebody taught you how it is necessary to love?
Of course, we have no special lessons of creation of the relations, and it is a pity.
But, in process of the growing all of us learn in the relations and art to love at the parents. Until we do not leave the parental house, we absorb lessons which are presented to us by our parents. Grandmothers, grandfathers, elder sisters and brothers or aunts and uncles could also be your teachers.
The child inevitably studies the relations at the relatives, at the family.
Exactly looking at parents you accustomed yourself to reserve or on the contrary to openness.
If you saw as they lie each other, comprehended lie science if concealed the feelings, you learn to do the same. We imitate the parents since the birth, even then, when we do not want.
Parents gave us the first lesson of the relations, we receive the second lesson from society. If earlier at cinema we saw generally idealized families which are adjusted on creation of bright future, then now it is generally changes, the free relations or inveterate bachelors, unmarried women everyone in own way living only for themselves and for the sake of earning money, leading a rollicking life. Happiness began to be associated with freedom, and freedom from any obligations.
Often it is necessary to hear from young people that they want the free relations, without any obligations. But the relations is a work and difficult work. And any work has for itself responsibility.
Of course during evolution the relation to marriage changed. At the time of our pro-grandmothers to marriage treated not as a romantic adventure, and it is rather as to the economic transaction. Remember often parents of young people agreed about a wedding and about that as well as where there will live newlyweds.
Women married to find the supporter (they did not work), the man married to find a cosiness, care and children. At the same time the love and happiness were considered as special luck. Then also expression was born: “it will be endured - it slyubitsya“
Normal sexual and spiritual life were considered as an excess. And spiritual life was reduced generally to viewing of the movies telling about bright future and volume as well we live.
It was already easier for generation of our parents, they already could decide to enter with whom the relations. And still marriage and indispensable acquisition by children was the only acceptable choice.
Only now people found freedom to decide to marry to them or not. Revolution in this direction was made by emergence of contraceptives (this main achievement of the left century), the changed moral foundations, emancipation of women and in general their exit from the house.
We copy the relations of the parents and that it did not occur that the wrong installations acquired in the childhood did not spoil to us life, it is necessary to distinguish a problem and to solve it.
Sometimes happens so that the person very much tries to love, but it is impossible to him.
There is such concept “emotional wall“ it when the person emotionally isolates himself from the others. I.e. its painful experience is so big that it is terrible to it to be emotionally close to other people. Emotional walls do not collapse by itself, and grow between partners.
The love turns from pleasure into sufferings.
Communication lasts, we continue to hope for a miracle that one morning we will wake up and everything will be wonderful as again earlier. But, alas, as a rule, miracles do not happen.
The relations is a work and quite difficult.
That your relations did not reach a deadlock, did not lose the appeal, it is necessary to use the efforts. This and spiritual development and development of ability in time to make a pause in the relations to understand the events. And the personal growth which assumes reading literature, visit of theaters and exhibitions, seminars and courses.
If all - the relations do not develop and you cannot find the reason of it, then do not neglect the help of the expert. By what the problem is more started, it is more difficult to that to cope with it.
Be happy in the relations!