Management of a family: we wrote the main segments of the family relations and behavior of
In the previous article about four stereotypes of ideas of the person family: “the prudent person“, “the person functional“, “the person loving“ and “the person moral“.
Why it is so important? Yes because, refracting in consciousness of spouses and other family members including the immediate family environment, they will define acts of these people, as in separately taken concrete situations, and in general if to consider already general line of conduct.
We will try to decipher these stereotypes in more detail.
Stereotype “the prudent person“. He assumes that life in a family, since the period of acquaintance and courting, means a certain calculation, benefit, including (and not only!) economic character, and, for example, self-realization in the creative plan. Therefore the main rate in the relations becomes on an increment of some advantages. The person, marrying, receives something clear and tangible - increase in material prosperity, the new status, a position, access to business, new creative opportunities and competences or some other resources. Spouses and family members, in this case do not consider at all what in their relations and is limited to it, but give to the received benefit, calculation crucial importance. At the same time it is not excluded that existence of this stereotype in the relations and in behavior has not always the realized character.
The one who succeeded in these material and non-material benefits that, according to logic of this stereotype and “plays the leading violin“ in a family or, at least, has very weighty argument at all family conflicts and oppositions. Specifically this stereotype is shown in such phrases as: “We live at the expense of my parents!“, “You married me to get a job at the father!“, “I so much enclosed in you!“, but also: “You so much for me made!“ etc. The stereotype of the fact that its contribution to a family (and, specifically, in the partner) is higher, than the partner`s contribution, plays in this case the leading role in the relations of both spouses, and family members. He lives in their consciousness, flashing bright light, especially when it is positive - the emotional component in life of a married couple begins to come to naught, fading when becomes obvious that the appeal to such arguments of anything, except problems does not put to a family. However, maybe all on the contrary.
Stereotype “the functional person“. Well approaches families of traditional type where all roles which were carried out by family members undersigned in advance, were obvious, and their execution was quite rigidly controlled. Partly such stereotype about what sort of the relation have to be in a family, is peculiar also to many young couples involved in an orbit of rigidly structured business relations at the work. The family is an annex to work: here sleep, eat, have sex, raise children. Respectively and the person in it is a certain appendix, the device which has to work ideally, and in case of “breakage“, “be repaired“ quickly. If it “not to be repaired“, then has to be replaced with another. “We live for the sake of a family“, “We live only for the sake of children“, “The main thing to be successful at work“, etc. - here mottoes of life of those families where this stereotype dominates. Life of a family is a rigid inclusiveness in business processes, everything is registered, all “under control“, “the step to the left and sha causes, at least, a storm of negative emotions to the right.
A stereotype “The person loving“. This stereotype from those who “do not need representation“. Though actually, probably, it far not so. This stereotype is formed as a result of reading romantic love literature, prose, poetry, viewing of the corresponding art relations, the sublime relations reigning in a family in the next spinning of the child or young man. The main idea of this stereotype is clear: “Without true love it is impossible to live in a family!“. In the relations and in behavior of family members this stereotipproyavlyatsya in expressly gentle relation to each other, sincerely to care, in especially raised emotional psychological atmosphere, in acceptance of the partner and family members such what they are, without prosecution of some self-interest, benefit only for itself(himself).
Stereotype “the moral person“. The principle voluntary, but sometimes and voluntarily - compulsory submission of the person special morally - to the ethical requirements and traditions which developed in the family circle is the cornerstone of this stereotype. Such requirements are formed on the basis of in common got experience, agreements, arrangements, oaths, etc. Morally - the ethical standards which developed in a family act as the regulator of behavior of the certain person. This regulatory function is shown in estimates of behavior and acts, both other people, and itself. Quite often these estimates of a bipolyarna, for example: “So it is unworthy to behave to members of our family, and to behave adequately here so“. It is obvious that uniform morally - the moral rating scale of acts and behavior of people around in a family cannot develop at once if at all it is possible. Discrepancy of these estimates in life of spouses and other family members often leads to crash of expectations, disappointment, and also changes of a rating scale, gradual or rather fast. Thus, in a family it is formed the obliging norms and the behavior which is welcomed, and also the forbidding norms and the relation to acts and behavior which is not welcomed or condemned directly owe.
Being combined in consciousness and behavior of family members, these stereotypes define four types of the family relations and family behavior: to strict requirements of work and the family (a frustratsioonny segment) subordinated to a debt and family traditions (an imperative segment), subordinated subordinated to emotions and feelings (emotionally - a sensual segment) subordinated to internal needs of the person and external stimulation (the stimulating segment).