Management of a family: “all for a family“, or “yes it went“?
the Family are a small group, however many things occurring in it, go approximately under the same laws, as in larger organizations. In the previous note we spoke with you about such states as a priobshchennost and estrangement. However spoke insufficiently in detail and too fluently. Now it is possible to talk about them in more detail as they are rather important for the subsequent reasonings.
We already wrote that the behavior of family members in many respects depends on such factors as a love-hate and belief - indifference of partners (and, in general family members) to each other. How it is shown care phenomena - hostility in a family which, on the one hand, are a peculiar diagnostic tool through which the factors given above reveal depends on them, on the other hand, depends on them fastening her family emotionally - a sensual component, from the third party which can be shown in a paradoxical form, i.e. care which looks in a format of the hostile relation (“When you already descend to the doctor, I was already tired to wait?!“ (it is meant: “I am very much disturbed by a state of your health!“), and hostility to be shown in the form of care (“You already got a job?!“ (it is meant: “To bring money which we from you do not see in a family!“).
However in life of each family, besides the most powerful emotional component, there is also a pronounced business moment, we also used earlier a metaphor of “the prospering firm“ when in a family everything is good: there is a work, money, the economy “blossoms and smells“, family members are dressed, put, fed, etc. Respectively, besides that in a family we allocate “the person feeling“ and “the person trusting“ there is also “a person communicating“ and “the person acting“. That such “firm“ lived, her members have to cooperate and, obviously also to communicate, i.e. to be attached to the existing communicative space of a family, or aloof from it, and also to work, i.e. to enter with with each other certain interactions or to counteract each other acts.
We wrote that her member acquainted to communicative space of a family in obvious or, quite perhaps, a little veiled form, shows the so-called rallying behavior model. On the contrary, the aloof family member presents on “public inspection“, besides in the latent or open form, the separating behavior model, nothing good to the present and the future of a family not promising.
Nevertheless, it is necessary to emphasize that the priobshchennost and estrangement in a family prove it is quite inconsistent. The stronger in a family interest in self-disclosure of her member, his self-realization in it, his devotion “I“ is stimulated, the more brightly and stronger from his party the attaching behavior model is shown. Both feelings, and a debt, and even ordinary interest in the events which are taking place in a family and with each her member can be incentive to such type of behavior. It is obvious that if interest in a family, in affairs of her members is not encouraged in any way, then the person showing the attached behavior model has a natural complex of non-recognition. It “everything does that for a family“, and its efforts, actually, come to an end with nothing (“I do not need your persuasive love, your care!“) or in general a zilch (“leave us alone with the ideas!“) as a result of which it is gradually alienated from a family, perhaps, even against own will. It turns out even so: due to its stoical efforts the family also lives (supports the high financial, material and social status, well adjusted life), but it is considered as if absolutely normal. Speak to it: “So you are a man, has to plow for a family“ or: “You are a wife, at you the house, kitchen and children have to be kept in a full order! “ the family member shows to
the rallying behavior models and endures a condition of a priobshchennost because the aspiration to be a member close “on spirit and blood“ communities is put in its nature. The separating behavior models and a condition of alienation peculiar to them reflect that in his consciousness such zones which protect mentality of the family member from those zones which busily injure his mentality are formed. It is possible to give behavior of the teenager who avoids the father and mother who are constantly clashing among themselves or in general decided to divorce as an example. At the same time alienation of subjects is more, than more deep requirements are blocked by his parents, thereby, stimulating personal “I“ to fork on “I“ - in a family and “I“ - out of it. Most, but in slightly other variations also the adults restrained in the recognition by the opposite side worry. The spouse working at three works gradually understands that his works will never gain recognitions, and mother turning since morning and till the dead of night in kitchen, suddenly sees that close people consider that only “here and anywhere more its place“.
That follows it, is easy to predict. The person or “explodes“ “to break“ the stereotypes of the attitude towards him which developed in a family, or seeks understanding elsewhere in the form of the mistress or the lover, or in general leaves a family, or “joins“ it, but in very perverse form. In public it shows that it has a magnificent family, and in it that it far not so.