Management of a family: “cockroaches on corners“ or “the prospering firm“ of
to Many family people, especially young, not always comes to mind that family life in spite of the fact that feelings, the love, faith in the partner and care of it, can be and has to be operated. The terms “management of family behaviour“ or “management behavior of family members“ it seems something wild and unnatural.
- As so, - they say, - family life from God, it or is, or is not present!
We will not hurry to dissuade anybody, but to us working in line with the resource psychological theory of management including a family, family behavior, it would be desirable to state also the own point of view on this subject. More precisely to continue those reasonings which we already began.
Family life can be operated, rather operated and absolutely uncontrollable, i.e. in more measure it to develop spontaneously, under the influence of the external circumstances surrounding a family or it is unclear than the motivated impulses proceeding from her members, especially, key. We carry to the last, first of all, spouses.
About what occurs in a family as there is an organizational behavioural order there we can judge by that ratio of spontaneity and controllability which takes place to be. Spontaneity means that a peculiar anarchy reigns in a family, and the behavior of her members depends on any disorganizing factors which deform it. Example: the wife spends money for purchases which quality and cost will obviously not be coordinated with the available family budget. Other example: the husband “was dissolved“ in friends, day and night will see off with them on hunting, fishing, in automobile campaigns that he, naturally, distracts him from performance even of elementary family duties.
The family is operated when the behavior of her members depends on accurate organizing algorithms. In a modern family they can proceed from the leader, at the same time the sex of this person is not important - important only the fact that his opinion and the taken position are highly appreciated in it, reckon with it. At the same time, the algorithms organizing behavior of family members can be a subject of the arrangement between spouses, and even all family members, for example, during a family council. However it is not necessary to think that organizing algorithms will not distort behavior. Often they can not consider at all, and even just ignore the motivational scale inherent in someone from family members. Just one of them managed to insist, convince, impose, and even to intimidate all others. For example, it seemed to the spouse that the husband attending corporate parties “affords superfluous“, and she it is firm, having hinted at inevitable countermeasures, demanded to stop these “absences“ even if it seems to the man that similar bans will do much harm to him at work.
Anyway, in a family there are subordinated and coordination organizing forces which can prove in the most various situations. For example, upon purchase of a difficult technique up in the family relations takes the informal status of the husband as expert in this area. When it is about inadequate behavior of the child at school and a campaign on PTA meeting, the wife who “knows as as begins to play “the first violin““. Thus, in a family can arise and there are obliging norms assuming that someone gives orders, and other members of family have to execute them. For example, in spite of the fact that the man earns more money, concerning expensive purchases he ALWAYS has to consult on the wife, and that, in turn, has no right, without having informed the husband, to get a difficult technique independently.
It is obvious that the ordered family relations cannot develop in one stage, for this purpose they need time. Therefore at the first stages of formation of a family these obliging norms can be broken on the left and to the right. It does not mean that the certain member of family with impunity “seize the moment“. Just many questions between spouses can be not spoken, be solved spontaneously that is called “upon“. These “facts“ can at first even be accepted by other party and act as the tradition put again. However then, the majority of these traditions, under the influence of discontent of other spouse or the member of family, most likely, will be reconsidered. Or that it is worse, will become “a mine of the slowed-down action“ of the family which is gradually undermining unity.
These traditions upon can arise not only at the beginning, but also throughout all life of a family, according to again privkhodyashchy circumstances. At first they can concern finance, the place of residence, sexual life, then distribution of economic roles, further - education of children, grandsons, rest, health, etc. Nevertheless, than there is longer a family, the more difficult it the structure and a way of life, the more arises aspiration “to subordinate elements“, as much as possible to order all existing relations, to make them transparent and comfortable for all family members. Thus, problems which arise between family members to have constantly “to settle“, coordinate, otherwise the behavior of one family members will constantly put in an awkward situation of others. Here already streamlining of the relations “from above - down“ how many their streamlining “down“ is required not so much.
As a rule, between two multidirectional ordering forces in a family there is a contradiction which is more brightly expressed to those, than the culture of a family is more democratic. On the one hand, certain family members lead own life and carry out the functions assigned to them (for example, the spouse earns money, is engaged in economy and education of children, thinking over future joint rest at the same time), on the other hand, all life of family demands a certain mutually coordinating actions. How to find an optimum combination of that and another - in it and the main contradiction of management of family life and behavior of her members consists.
The problem is quite solved when family members endure a condition of a priobshchennost to its affairs and, on the contrary, if they are aloof from them, this the main contradiction of family life, most likely, will not be solved in any way.
For a family where the attached type of the member of family is available, the high level of an interconsistency is characteristic: its behavior model is rallying, he is ready to solve the problems which are behind “zone“ the of direct duties. Where the member of family is aloof from family affairs, on the contrary, between members of seven the high level of mismatches is observed, and the behavior model of this family member is separating, destroying family life.
In the first case the family member “sees everything“ and it panoramic vision of all front of family problems is formed that creates the additional field of open communications in family and, respectively, any wide range of interactions, mutually supports, a mutually insurance in the solution of joint family tasks. In the second case at the family member uzkofunktsionalny vision of family affairs - “completely“ is formed that creates fields with the fenced-off communications: “It is not my problems - it is your problems“. The increasing mass of various “not joining“ appears their result.
Thus, we see two installations of behavior of family members which completely fit into such models of the family relations which it is possible to call:
• “cockroaches on corners“;
• “the prospering firm“.
Comparison with the prospering firm is not casual as in it both its management and her workers feel excellently: here all “spins, to turn“, all “is thought over, licked to gloss“, there is a wish to come, and it does not want to be left.
Such relations can be presented on a kvadrogramma:
But the main contradiction of family life and behavior of her members can be quite driven into the deadlock if certain family members (for example, children or parents of spouses) endure a condition of alienation from it, do not live in a family, and “exist“, are weighed upon stay in it. In such situation they are just reoriented on personal benefit, compensating thus the dissatisfaction. In a family a peculiar counterculture of the relations by the notorious principle is formed: “I live while it is favorable to me“, “I will raise children and I will make “heat“, “I will save up money to remove housing, and I will leave from here“, “From bad wives husbands do not run“, “Ancestors all the same will never understand me why something to prove, to take without demand better“, “We support children and that they do with grandsons, does not concern us“ etc.