Why we fall in love?! Whether
you to yourself sometime set questions such:
- And why I fell in love or fell in love with this person?
- Why we together now or, on the contrary, left?
In general psychologists in this respect have a set of hypotheses, but, in my opinion, all explanations do not play any role because there are things which for mankind remain today secret. One of them is process of emergence and formation of feeling of love in soul of the person. At the same time, naturally, nabolshy interest is shown to emergence of love between the man and the woman … Whether there is an answer?
Alas and ah …. Meanwhile people did not comprehend this great secret of creation of love because there cannot live at the same time in one heart the love to the woman and aspiration to destroy mankind …
Before beginning reflections on emergence of love between the man and the woman, I will explain at once that I share concepts of love and love. I understand the noncritical idealized attitude towards the person of an opposite sex having a sexual focus as love: “it from the fairy tale“, “is the best of all“, “I adore“, “I want to see always“, “I fly“, “I am afraid of nothing“, “I can do everything“ and so forth. Love - it is already very serious, these are such relations which demand from the person of permanent spiritual job.
As all cultural works rely on love, and fairy tales come to an end with a wedding, here I will say too about how there is a condition of love which shortly inevitably flows in the most different relations.
The first group of theories of emergence of love treats biological. Here biochemical and physiological processes in a human body play a role. Though, undoubtedly, there is a children`s love and love at senile age, here first of all there is a speech that the soil for love is most ready at teenage age when in an organism, thanks to hormonal and physiological changes there comes the peak of sexual activity. Here also stories about mad, and more often than tragic love as parents of children and society imposes a ban on the sexual relations then when in it there is the sharpest biological requirement begin. But it is already a subject of other reflections …
the Second group of theories has a psychological origin. So, why pulls us to one person, and another is absolutely indifferent? Each of us in subconsciousness has a certain image of the partner whom we would like to see near ourselves. Sometimes the subconscious image of the partner can accurately be realized, sometimes - no. This image is under construction on the basis of an image of parents. The girl wishes that her young man was “as the father“, and often even compares him to the father. The boy chooses the girl similar to mother.
What parameters of an image have to coincide? The first is, of course, appearance. If you compare appearance of all the partners with whom you had long relations, you will find some external similarity, as between them, and similarity to your parents.
The second parameter, though biochemical, - too is under construction on an image of parents. These are, besides, conscious and unconscious smells of the person: both bodies, and clothes. The smell of skin can remind a smell of a maternal body, the perfumery can coincide on the line too, to the house where there lives this person, can bear smells, familiar since the childhood, also.
Third, and, perhaps, the most important characteristic of the choice of the person is his manner to behave. If you remember the parents, then, for certain, one of them was the main thing making the main decisions in a family leading. And the second - conducted, subordinated. We choose to ourselves in partners of the person with behavior of the parent of an opposite sex. If in a family of saws one of parents, then you with a high probability marry the alcoholic if the father drank. Or you will choose to yourself in the wife the woman who you will sponsor all life and to control.
It is possible to leave from a similar stereotype of the choice of the partner only if you conduct regular work on yourself, you are engaged in introspection and you receive feedback from the psychologist or you participate in support group. For certain, the reading these lines, will want to add, something from themselves. We are not sure that at them it will turn out, but why is not present, try?!
Together with Yulia Vasyukova