How to overcome shyness and to find self-confidence by means of a children`s pacifier of
In last article I wrote that it is necessary to find self-confidence to cease to be lost, afraid of other people, to stop being timid. In this article I will write how to make it and I will share the experience.
Principle such: it is necessary to do what it is terrible to do.
not to avoid a frightening situation, and to go to it on a meeting and to immerse itself in it. To one or with someone`s help - it is not important. The main thing - to face fear face to face, to plunge into it.
For the first time about this principle I heard on courses of oratorical skill at Felix Kirsanov. Felix told about Japanese a top - managers who trained themselves the fact that they took to the populous streets, areas and sang songs, told verses etc. Generally, did what it is terrible to do.
The second time, I about this principle heard at University at lectures on kognitivno - behavioral therapy (be not frightened scary words, everything is simple - it is such direction in psychology which pays special attention to thoughts of the person and his behavior). There already I understood why it works, mechanisms and theoretical base, but now we will pass it.
Practical advice banal. You want to learn to ride a bicycle - it is necessary to ride a bicycle. You want to cease to be afraid of other people - it is necessary to get on in the world and more often to communicate. Terribly when remove on a video camera - it is necessary to act more often. It is terrible to meet girls / guys - it is necessary to get acquainted and go out on dates more often. You are afraid to act publicly - you prepare the report and you act, and as often as possible.
Once I for the sake of experiment tried to walk down the street in blue medical boot covers standing. Terribly at first. You think and what to me will be told by passersby on the street, but whether they will twist a finger at a temple, whether they will call an ambulance? Here how many wound to itself, still before made something! In reality then nothing of that kind was. The most terrible that was told by passersby was: “You forgot to remove boot covers!“.
Then a task decided to complicate and make that long ago wanted, but did not decide in any way. To be passed in the trolleybus and the subway … with a pacifier in a mouth!
This not simple task! Here it is not so simple to execute it. To quietly execute it it will not turn out. Already begin knees to shiver with one thought that it is necessary to walk in public with a pacifier in a mouth and heart to jump out outside.
It is necessary also to create additional motivation. Therefore I undertook to make short performance on the subject “Shyness“ and there it was necessary to tell about how to overcome shyness. Well it would also be silly to tell others about how it is possible to overcome shyness if I did not walk down the street with a pacifier in a mouth. :) So that to prepare the good report, it was necessary to take surely a pacifier in a mouth and to go outside.
What is created in soul before?
What thoughts turn in the head? It seems that on you will point a finger or twist a finger at a temple, to zasmeivat ruthlessly, will twist hands, will call the ambulance or will send to lunatic asylum and if it does not happen, then the militia will take away and will put behind bars.
And what really happens? people watch
In the trolleybus and smile. The grandmother with the granddaughter sit opposite, the granddaughter speaks: “Oh! the uncle with a pacifier! So should not be!“. The grandmother straightens out it, speaks: “More quietly, silence!“.
On the way to the subway look at you too and kindly smile. Only one guy, having noticed me with a pacifier, said: “Pancake, a fuck-up where the world slides!“. Probably at it day was not set, and here still I to it meet on the way … a pacifier in a mouth.
I stand in the subway car. On the contrary two men sit. One looked, looked at me. And I look at it, I smile. Then he to other man turns and speaks: “it does not seem to you that it is a little strange? It seems the healthy man, and with a pacifier in a mouth!“. :)) many you even do not notice
In the subway, and it seems to you that the whole world at this moment looks at you. And if who sees you with a pacifier in a mouth, then or give way, or widely eyes open. Someone shy so will look at a second and again turns away. Most of people are benevolent.
Also turns over a world picture, suddenly you understand that the world is arranged at all not as you thought before.
Therefore I warn that to fight against shyness is not quiet occupation. Knees will shiver. But the result is worth it. Moreover, you, most likely, will face counteraction and misunderstanding from the people surrounding you.
Told acquaintances once as people fight against shyness, gave examples as young people at Red Square in Moscow stop unfamiliar girls and tell them verses as I went to the subway with a pacifier. That itself can hang up toilet rolls on a neck and to go with them.
What protest I heard from them! That as it! That it is silly. Main arguments: “You will look as the idiot! You will look silly! That other people will think of you!“.
Lovely girls do not even suspect that from - for similar thoughts, they do not decide to do what to them is prompted by intuition, heart.
In general I noticed that when the person with ardent persistence protects the position and loudly speaks “I consider“, or “in my personal opinion“, it is a sign that not personal opinion of the person, but some belief which sits in his head and which for it is a certain idol - the god and it it protects it. And that time was. One girl spoke: “I consider that it is silly and it is not necessary to go at adult age with a pacifier in a mouth“. Other girl: “Yes this way never to get rid of shyness, it will not help, it is silly! Why to go with a toilet roll by a neck?“.
Perhaps, I would also agree with them. But here one problem: I did what I speak about, and they did not.
Generally, conclusion following. To get rid of shyness, it is necessary:
to Do to what it is terrible to do (for example if it is terrible to go to the subway - we go to the subway)
to Develop the plan of trainings (for the first time - to approach in the subway, for the second time - to go down in the subway, for the third time - to go down in the subway and to pass one stop)
to Execute the plan of trainings (to take and go to the subway to one or with someone nearby)
If there are questions if the help is necessary, write, you are knocked on Skype, I will help, I will prompt.
And finally, video of the psychologist, journalist Vladimir Vladimirovich Shakhidjanyan. You learn how to find self-confidence, and also how Lev Landau, the Soviet physicist, the Nobel Prize laureate in youth fought against shyness.