Mother and the daughter - love and hatred of
At lectures on children`s psychotherapy professor forced all to watch the movie of the director Bergman “The autumn sonata“. There was no terrible wish. One more obligation thought - faugh as these professors are nasty. When learned that the movie the Oscar got an award, it became more interesting. And after viewing suddenly unexpectedly understood why she insisted on viewing of the movie and how mega super professor, cool at us. :)
One of images of the movie of Bergman - doors in the past which are terrible for opening because you do not know what reduction will jump out from there.
In the relations of daughters with mother the love and hatred also jumped out of past doors.
How it happened so what at adult age the daughter waits for arrival of mother, but in soul hates her, and saved up the whole lots of offenses?
Misunderstanding by mother of the fact that the daughter wants her communication and tender words. Mother tired of occupations on a piano, asked the daughter to descend to take a walk when the daughter wanted to stay with her. Without understanding what such behavior rejects the daughter.
Rigid pressure was put by mother upon the daughter when she was 13 years old: suddenly from that, from anything, mother began to bring up the daughter, to impose her reading books which daughters are unclear and uninteresting, but mothers are pleasant, to put on those dresses which are not pleasant to it, but which attracted mothers. As a result of all this the daughter just began to lose herself, her desires were crushed, and on their place there were desires and mother`s purposes. And in soul of the daughter there was a picture similar to illegal invasion of troops to the territory of other state.
Mother incorrectly interpreted feelings of the daughter and did not even ask and whether correctly she understands the daughter, a priori including the opinion true. When the daughter met mother after long separation, and she was so glad that at it dried up a throat, and she could not speak, mother before all guests spoke that the daughter is not glad it to see. Even without having specified why the daughter is silent.
Mother sent the daughter`s signals that does not accept it such what it is, namely, told it such words: “Better you would be born the boy!“.
At adult age mother did not welcome the daughter`s relation with the young man, without respecting her choice and moved the daughter to make abortion against her will.
What turned out as a result?
the Daughter does not love herself, it is not pleasant to herself, is convinced that it a pettiness. Such beliefs created the relations with mother. The daughter is visited by thoughts of suicide. She not only does not love herself, but also cannot fall in love with other people.
Even does not love the husband - he for it the good friend. And it is very terrible to look in himself because hates himself, and is not present a number of the person loving certainly near which it would be possible to understand himself.
Really then mother the awful demon and the villain in a mask of the successful musician?
It is perfect is not present. Mother - too the person who was deprived of love of parents. Her parents just ignored: neither punished, nor caressed.
And it is far more terrible than punishments. When punish - though some attention for the child.
Mother never knew what is spiritual proximity with the native person, with mother and the daughter. And these templates of behavior which are taken out from the family were transformed and transferred to the following family. Also are transferred from a family to a family, from generation to generation.
Unfortunately, in the movie open conversation between mother and the daughter did not resolve a problem. They did not hear each other. Everyone spoke about the pain, about the offense - but did not hear another. Also did not forgive each other mother and the daughter.
The family from the movie, certainly, would be helped by the psychotherapist who will be able to understand, near whom it is possible to glance in the most undercover corners of the soul. And the movie - good caution for parents.
Well and small addition: the good psychologist - what it?
In the movie is the phrase which opens what qualities the good psychologist has to possess and that from it the people needing the help wait: “I need to learn to live on the earth. I overcome this science. But it is so difficult for me! What I? I do not know it. I live, as if gropingly. If there was unrealizable, there would be a person who would fall in love with me such what I am, I, at last, would venture to peer at myself.“