Rus Articles Journal

What prevents to accept the person it what he is?

B many unconditionally believe young years that they can completely change other person. In practice everything turns out opposite. Psychologists came to a conclusion long ago that to arrange the partner under the imaginations and desires it is impossible. the Love, as we know, is blind

therefore often the person plunges into the feelings, without noticing at all that a subject of his adoration - a full antipode to it. The love, of course, is capable to work wonders, but not to such an extent when the person indifferent to art is suddenly dipped into studying of works of great artists. You should not imitate a similar situation which successfully developed at someone from acquaintances. Nobody can give guarantees that the relations will develop exactly as there is a wish.

Sometimes it is necessary to tell himself “stop“ and once again to think whether it is worth entering the relations with hope to change another. Most likely, they just will worsen more and more. The harmonious relations assume changes which happen by itself both in the man, and in the woman. But one business when it goes from internal intelligent motives of the person, and another - when something is imposed to it.

The desire to change the person most often is related to personal history. Everyone in soul dreams of an ideal, and the image of parents is stored somewhere in subconsciousness too. Any will comfortably feel in the company of that person near whom he can freely make habitual actions, have familiar feelings therefore the choice most often unconsciously falls on the acquaintance from the childhood behavior model. If to begin alteration and if it even is in something successful, finally it is possible to be disappointed and lose interest in the partner as something important will disappear in it. Therefore an exit one - to work on itself.

Criticism - a thing quite good if it it is aimed at behavior of the person, but not at his personality. Not to scatter a thing anywhere it is much easier to learn, than from the taciturn person to turn into the interesting interlocutor on various subjects. Ideals of other person should learning to be appreciated even if they absolutely not to liking. The personal space is necessary for everyone, otherwise the person will break over time.

The easiest to complain of the partner. Such strategy is very convenient - there is no need to change most. Many wives are dissatisfied that husbands on the house do nothing, however the husband should take the hammer in hand, they pull out it from hands and accuse of inability. And maybe, at heart some not especially also wish that the partner changed: are afraid to lose over it the power. The role of the critic, convenient for itself - favorable behavior model, the one who wants to dominate will always find what to carp at.

Addictions of the partner - that is another matter. Alcoholism or fanatical hobby for computer games quite often destroy the relations, but even in such situation you should not consider yourself as the savior and to begin to work by means of threats: “If you do not stop drinking, then …“ Blackmail will not help here. It is better to try to show to the person that his state disturbs you and depresses, to try to awaken in it interest in life, to open eyes on more interesting things.

Any person has to see sense from the forthcoming work on himself. Nobody has the right to lock the partner in a cage of own dreams. Personal development happens at all differently. Only the power of love can help - only it is capable to change to the best life of two people over time.