Power of despair is
Each act of the person - it is separate life. We face every day the choice. To choose work, clothes, the apartment, the car or the suitable person for friendship, work or love. What can be simpler, simply to make a choice? But the understanding that, each our choice leads to the corresponding result and not always what to us would be desirable for it.
In everyday vanity with results of our choice we often think of the reasons of our actions which we wanted or it was necessary to do. About consequences which often hurt. About fears which we got subsequently and which we will never be able to overcome.
Testing deep despair, we begin to underestimate ourselves, to forget who we are. Losing self-confidence our acts are similar to deaf shout in emptiness. We turn into the lost puppy in the wood which is not able to find a way home. Our eyes scaredly watch at the people surrounding us in hope that somebody will give a helping hand, will support or will warm the warm word.
But often it does not occur. And we remain confidentially with the fears and despair. This hopelessness forces to wake up at night in cold sweat. Forces to go on humiliating acts. We eat sandwich, with oil dreaming of ham sandwich, living in the small apartment, we dream of the smart house, with specialty the lawyer we work as the seller at the market, being a worthy person, we are for the husband for the impudent infantile, not self-sufficient man. Representing the pleasant interlocutor, the devoted and sympathetic friend we are on friendly terms with traitors, hypocrites and envious persons.
Such injustice will deeply wound. The unwillingness to be measured with the one who we are is, wakes up at us feeling of envy. We test envy, passing by smart shop while the look ôstuckô to expensive dress, and on skin goosebumps as soon as you represent yourself in it run; driving not too expensively to the car, and even on foot or on public transport we feel worse than others.
And you can be three hundred times cleverer and we respect, than these people, in you can be in 500 times more of positive and worthy qualities, all the same we will test envy to comfort, ease and wellbeing in life. Especially when we have no it, not because are not worthy but because it is not lucky.
And here then there comes the sharpest phase of despair, panic and a hopelessness. A phase when there is no wish to be oneself, there is no wish to do what you do. There is a wish to renounce the I and to be someone another. The great actor, the hero, the financial genius - the person considerable and necessary to society.
Here in it and all hitch. As it is not paradoxical. When we in despair we begin to remember only the successful moments of the life, begging it about that she repeated them. There is a desire that such moments never came to an end. In it there are also we. In these dreams and a dissatisfaction by itself. We aspire to the best. To the best for us. We want to be those whom we represent ourselves of which we dream to which we envy.
Interesting the fact that, our soul if she already feels despair and discontent with, it will never allow us to remain those. Because desires and dreams will break off our soul, without allowing to live in a shadow of indifference and fear quietly.