What do we lose sight of when we establish a family?
In the modern world a family are an and social institute, both a form of the organization of joint life, and the related relations, and the matrimonial union. The family represents broader concept, than marriage. Marriage the matrimonial union between the man and the woman is considered. A family as organized social group - more difficult phenomenon.
“The family is society in a miniature on which integrity safety of big human society depends“ . (F. Adler)
When people marry, think a little of the fact that they enter the relations not only with each other. The married couple will need to join the whole system of the family relations including relatives and close acquaintances both from the woman, and from the man. On this family field there is a grinding in of cultures, persons, characters, views of a family and in general on life. It follows from this that in a family there are two main types of the relations - a matrimony (the marriage relations between the husband and the wife) and relationship (the related relations of parents and children, between children, relatives).
According to experts, the family passes certain stages which are connected with creation of a family, appearance of new family members and an elimination of old in the development. Presence of problems at family members can be connected with need of transition of a family to a new stage of development and adaptation to new conditions.
Changes in a family cause: replenishment of structure of a family, an elimination from a family for various reasons, social situations, biological changes, change of tenor of life, traumatic situations. Wellbeing and normal functioning of a family in many respects depends on optimum adaptation to these changes, flexibility in adaptation, the established cooperation with the outside world.
One of important points in the family relations - the positive relation to a family, desire to remain her member, aspiration to strengthen it. Experts designate them as pro-family motives. They are mechanisms of association of family members in a whole which promote removal of negative experiences and permission of the internal conflicts.
Operation of these mechanisms is shown in how there is a response of a family to difficult situations. Absence or violation of these mechanisms leads to the fact that difficult situations act as the destroying family factor weakening its durability.
Successful operation of mechanisms becomes a source of further association of a family and its unity. E. G. Eydemiller and V. V. Yustitsky allocate two mechanisms of family integration: mechanism of “destiny community“ and “emotional identification with a family“.
Functioning of the mechanism of “a destiny community“ is provided with the following relations:
1. At family members representation and skills family (but not individual) satisfactions of the requirements is formed. In understanding of family members family life is represented in the most natural and habitual way of satisfaction of vital needs.
2. Strengthening of a family is perceived by members of such family as the most convenient way of satisfaction of own requirements. The care of a family in general is perceived as care of itself.
3. Development of “family trust“. It is shown that in such family of a contradiction are softened or processed at the expense of reciprocal concessions, or a voluntary concession of one of the parties. At the heart of a concession - not self-sacrifice, but trust.
4. High level of mutual empathy (understanding of an emotional condition of other person). At family members ability to well represent an inner world of each other is developed.
Families in which this mechanism of integration does not function or it is broken, differ in the following characteristics: the tendency to satisfy a wide range of requirements out of a family and irrespective of it is expressed, there are problems with the trust lowered by immunity to difficult situations.
The leading role in functioning of the mechanism of “emotional identification with a family“ belongs to the emotional relations of sympathy between family members. They satisfy important need of family members for emotional communication and sympathy. These relations create more favorable conditions for permission of the internal conflicts and formation of mutual understanding in a family.
Society is defined by human relations. These relations are governed by certain arrangements in the form of rules, laws. Family, being built around certain values, representations, traditions, too needs arrangements. The arrangement is understood as the mutual agreement between family members in which all important points on which there will be an interaction in a family make a reservation. Of course, these arrangements have to be understood and be accepted by all family members, and the most important - these arrangements have to be observed.
Apparently, during creation of a family we do not consider a lot of things or we lose sight. The family is not only love, romanticism, happiness. Creation of the family relations requires work, understanding and respect of the rights of each other, development of family trust, ability to interact in the matrimonial and related relations, understanding for what the family is established and what it will be in the future.