And you sometime wanted in marriage?
you sometime wanted in marriage? I is serious. Perhaps it is so more clear: I want in marriage again. You remember, how in a joke about Paris: “I want to Paris again“. “And you were there?“ “Is not present, but I want again“.
And I. I want in marriage again. Well, I, however, there already was. But was and wanted - things different. I just in marriage wanted at all not when went. Went at all not when wanted. And when just solved. I will go also all. On the road I will already want, I will fall in love, I will understand, well. No, I just again want. I want in marriage.
The first time I wanted in marriage years in nineteen. Just wanted. Even made the list of songs which would like to hear at a wedding. And the father somehow it seems lined even. Came once home after some otmechaniye and declared: “I want a vnuchik“. Well, I was also lost in day-dreams. If ifs and ans were pots and pans. Only in marriage to go there was nobody. We arrived to Australia recently. My Russian-speaking new friends already everything were on couples. I did not want to deal with “foreigners“. And the lovely boy from the childhood about whom my parents unanimously went on “this would be a husband“, remained on that side of the ocean. And already even managed to marry as then spoke, “on a zaleta“. And I, living quietly, anywhere without flying, remained still the young, naive girl in leggings “under acid washed jeans“ and with a colourful backpack. I just wanted in marriage. And all. This adventure seemed to me very much even interesting, beautiful and pleasant. From one volition to me somehow it was even warmer inside.
Then I in marriage ceased to want. Somehow sharply and absolutely. Wash, all - appeared, the guy on a marriage did not inspire me. It in general did not inspire on anything me. Even on love. So, there was also all. Then I fell in love. Then again. And once again. Oh, how many they were! Likely, how many verses, so much also were, these vlyublennost. But in marriage I did not want again and again.
Girlfriends began to push long-term and constant. On their hands pomolvochny cubic zirconias, splinters of diamonds and even the whole diamonds began to appear. I began to work for gifts. At first on engagements. Then on weddings. Somehow very quickly and orderly everything occurred. One by one. Directly according to the list. Directly competitions to demonstration performances. That the dress, cake, the hall - everything was better, than at previous. And husband? And that husband. In total and so long ago knew that than and when ends. Who is the husband and that he is, too all knew. Here anything new. Here the wedding is another story. Here all again. Here to prove to be!
I did not want in marriage again. I began to want from these “izkozhivonvylaz“ even less. I just gathered and went to write the thesis. There was a wish still at least for a year to prolong pleasures of youth, students and carefree life. Stretched. Wrote. Returned. And houses as in the song: “Girlfriends she is married long ago...“ Besides everything, at once and... silence. All of them on family nests and “gu - gu“. Me to “-“. At a meeting sigh with regret. I ceased to understand their talk: loans, pans, men`s shirts. One remained, absolutely alone. Also I began to want in marriage. As in the same song: “... and I all dream of the prince“. It is not simple to want in marriage for some neighbor. For Ricky Martin. And what? Than I to it not the bride. Wanted, likely, month three. Was kidding. Made wedding plans. Then ceased. Just bothered.
Then I fell in love. Also there was this love meek. Absolutely. And it was very sick and offensive for me. Here suddenly made me the proposal. And I decided. Started turmoil with a wedding. Even found the list of songs. Also married. Why? And, long to reflect and explain. There was also all. Forever left. Believed that I will live as the old man with the granny, to a golden wedding further. But it another story altogether.
Here when I really wanted in marriage, so it after divorce. Strongly so wanted, to the clenched teeth and fists. Directly some obsession on me found. I will manage to be still the wife, to be a hostess. Exactly as it is necessary. It is beautiful. That the house, that a garden, that curtains and napkins in tone. Generally, I will achieve the quiet female happiness, and lines to me not a hindrance.
And what you think? I descended in marriage again. It was direct confirmation to the fact that thoughts are material. The main thing, is very strong to want something. Will surely come true. Here at me also came true. Descended. Exactly as I wanted. To be a hostess, the wife. That house, garden and all other. I was enough... I lasted not for long. Absolutely for a while. The joke turned out, but not a marriage.
Then I long did not want in marriage. Did not want at all. Somehow so it turned out, as the house, and repair. That solved everything. That could do everything. Somehow the man was not necessary. Simply it is not necessary. Or rather, it is not necessary for those purposes of which it was dreamed in the beginning.
Years passed. I it seems as if grew up. Everything around me changed. Those girlfriends of my youth gave birth on two three children. All live with the same husbands. At them everything is painted, planned. They go once a year to holiday by Fiji or by Bali. They drive the children in the Russian schools. At them everything correctly and grandly. And I, as before, not to the yard. Dangerous I am an element. Well, and... with them.
I drove the daughter in the Russian school too. Also on tennis, drawing and music. I go every year to holiday too... Only in the Disneylands, the different countries and not according to the schedule and when it wants. At me too everything is correct. Only I solve everything. For and for the child. And everything at us is just remarkable.
And in marriage? I sometimes again want in marriage. Very much sometimes. Also I want not because it is necessary to me. No. I want that the friend was near. That it was together interesting. That in old age it was cozy, warm and interesting. The love, as we know, passes. There is an essence. There is either a sympathy, or terrible antipathy. When you cannot just see the person of it. Here I so do not want.
If to me to go in marriage, then I want that by an old age instead of my bookstore - cafe where - nibud in the picturesque province (my dreams of pension) we would have a cozy and warm house. And when we will be absolutely - absolutely “adult“, we could sit next. It with the crossword puzzle, I with the book. That children and grandsons (even if not ours, and its and my) would come to us on a visit. That together in theater and on a concert. That in holiday together. Let it will be interesting to us together. Let it will be boring for us and even hard separately. We will care about each other, to trust, to respect and appreciate each other.
It is not necessary to me the house, a tree, the son. I already have all this and was. All this I could and I can also without man. I just sometimes want that nearby was big, strong, real and reliable It. For something, and just because he and wants it to me...
Today I wanted in marriage again. According to the lunar calendar developed by my acquaintance from Moscow, today day very favorable for weddings though Monday. Here, though in marriage I will also not go today (simply there is nobody), I will want at least. Perhaps what acceptable will also leave...