How to support the person in trouble?
In our life happen everyone. Sometimes events just unsettle us, in soul not clear lumps emotions collect, and it becomes so intolerable. Happens that any problem is not solved in any way, slowing down time and pulling nerves to a limit. In such circumstances we very much need friendly support.
And often we want not so much council how many human participation and confirmation of our situation and a state. It is possible to tell that we need the person who would become a mirror and reflected our words and experiences. We, as a rule, are able to speak about ourselves. We tell for hours, greedily, in details, repeating, with details and generalizations. And whether we here are able to listen? Of course, provided that there is time.
Let`s think of how to support the person? A task at the listener very important - to recognize the importance of a situation and feelings speaking, to help it to hear own words. As it is strange, but the person in emotions often badly realizes that he tells. Acceptance and understanding of a situation is frequent helps to find a way out of it or to overestimate circumstances. What to do if you listen to ?
1. Become the researcher. Try not to measure the word speaking in the arshin. Collect the facts, details, nuances. Turn into the camera, do pictures without emotions, comments and estimates.
2. Recheck the understanding of a situation. Retell information shortly by the own words, specify whether correctly you understood speaking. Perhaps, you will hear: “Yes, it quite so“, or the interlocutor will specify the and your perception of events.
3. Try to avoid digressions. Discuss only one situation. Otherwise it is possible to expose “a lot of dirty linen“ which we will to understand it is absolutely impossible, the interlocutor will begin to spread, and after a while you will cease to understand about what it he. Phrases which can help you: “How it belongs to an initial situation?“, “I not absolutely understand where you drive?“, “All of us still discuss the first situation or passed to new?“
4. Pay attention not only to the facts, reflect also experiences of the interlocutor. Can ask the following questions: “How on you this event worked?“, “What you felt when …?“ Or confirm a state: “Certainly, it is hard“, “Really, is from what to experience strong emotions“.
5. Notice changes of intonation, a pose, sighs. They can point to acceptance something, change of mood, enlightenment. You do not hurry, let`s the person accustom with new thought, and then it is possible to ask: “Perhaps, you saw something new?“, “Your state was changed, something occurred?“
6. You learn in art to hold a pause. do not tighten it, but also do not interrupt too quickly. Sometimes to the person happens just it is necessary to keep silent, feeling at the same time presence and support of another.
7. Carefully use phrases: “I understand you“, “I know that you feel“. the situation and experiences of other person are not always clear to us. Much better to say: “It is represented to me that …“, “I made impression that it was hard for you …“, “I see, I hear that …“
8. You keep secrets of the interlocutor. people in a rush can Often tell about themselves much more, than planned. Then the person can test a regret, shame and even, perhaps, will want to break off with you the relations. Sometimes it is worth asking whether really he wants to discuss a problem very in detail. It is possible to assure him of confidentiality of conversation. And surely you keep this word.
Often happens so that similar support helps your interlocutor to see the situation absolutely in other light. By the way, in the course of conversation he can already find a solution.