Self-confidence. Why I am criticized?
Today we will talk about self-confidence and criticism. For a start I want to address a word meaning of “critic“ in dictionaries. Dahl writes that the criticism is a search and judgment of merits and demerits of any work, especially compositions, analysis or an assessment. We will talk about criticism and feelings when criticize you personally.
What is felt by the person when he is criticized? What is heard by people when they are criticized? Remember now situations when you were criticized. How you at the same time felt?
I interrogated several people regarding the fact that they feel when they are criticized. And here answers:
“I felt insignificant“.
“Seemed to me that it is possible to point a finger at me“.
“Very negative feelings“.
What else emotions when people hear critical remarks in the address happen? It is offense, irritation, rage. Often fault, humiliation. It can lead to decrease in a self-assessment and decrease in trust to itself.
Negative emotions are stronger if the criticism proceeds from close people, for example, from mother, the husband or the girlfriend.
What happens to the person after stated him some critical remarks and pointed to his mistake?
Heavy feeling, pain, internal discomfort, a lump in a throat. Feeling when words “hold apart“ from within.
Often all these emotions lead to experiences, fear to begin something new, to fear of a mistake, internal feeling of emptiness and even an illness. All this can be shown if the answer to criticism was not stated if all words and remained unexpressed in a throat.
Why people are criticized? What promotes it?
The first that I want to tell: criticize not only personally you! Criticize all. Though often the person who just heard words of criticism in the address, considers on the contrary: “All somehow differently react to criticism, one I such …“
Second: those people who very responsible inside, those which consider as the fault everything that occurs around take criticism often more painfully. Such people should be afraid, over time they, as a rule, begin to take for criticism even just comments from people in bad mood. Also such situation turns out: someone pours out on you the negative, and you take it personally and long for this occasion. Perhaps, you very sensitive person and sharply notice moods of people around. And while you on a wave of the person it is more, than on the, it is heavy to you to react neutrally to his words.
Criticize more often those who stronger or look as stronger and self-assured. And then people very much want “to recoup“ on this person.
Also often criticize those who achieved success in the sphere. That is the person who did not achieve the same professional or other heights transfers on successful the fears and doubts. As they say, the best protection is an attack.
It is very important to understand in this situation from what position the criticism expresses. There are two positions: “You were mistaken!“ and “It could be made better“. These are two different parties for criticism and it is very important to learn to distinguish them.
What to do in such situation?
1. “To include“ the head. To listen and hear what you are told.
2. To understand and distinguish from what position you are criticized. That is to hear: it is criticism for the sake of self-defense or criticism for the sake of the offer.
3. If you understand that in this case the criticism is directed to you for the purpose of outpouring of bad mood of the interlocutor, do not draw hasty conclusions and decisions at all. It will be much better to depart, be exempted from the excited emotional state, to calm down then to try to answer itself a question: “Why this person wanted to tell me it?“
4. If the person makes to you recommendations in which there can be a sensible grain, analyze his words after an exit from an emotional situation. Think that from told you could use, often not all information will be useful specifically to you. In criticism people often find solutions for the personal, career development and advance.
The main thing, you remember: in constructive criticism people give us a lot of useful information, but it is necessary to approach it without emotions, with the cold head.
Progress to you!