Crises of the relations: how to keep a family and to prolong feeling of romantic love? Part 2
So why there are family scandals? Why the loving husband suddenly deserts a family and leaves? For what problems future fathers should be prepared and how they can be worried?
When the father stops being the only object
the child`s Birth - one more reason of the conflicts in the family relations. Till the child`s birth the man and the woman had certain roles, certain functions habitual to a duty. Emergence of a new element in system demands reorganization of the relations.
And if the man occupied a role of the child for the wife, then he definitely loses these positions. Fully it will not be able to carry out father`s and matrimonial man`s duties. It remains offended, nedolyublenny, can leave a family. Or on the contrary, the woman herself finds out that two children to her to anything, and too break off the relations.
The next crisis moment for a family is considered three - four-year age of the child. There is a point of view that it is connected with ancient, archaic biological programs - when the family was not a rack, and couples were created temporarily to grow up the baby. As soon as the child stopped being the baby, and all tribe could be engaged in his education, need of the pair relations disappeared. It is antiquity in us. Partners hold the friend the friend, their posterity weak and defenseless so far.
Council. Communications remain when people are capable to attachment. Here work on itself is very important. Acceptance of the feelings and feelings of another, understanding of the motives, desires and ability to take responsibility for itself, for the decisions. And it involves care, a sense of responsibility for other family members. All this maturity components.
All fall in love. But, alas, not everyone can construct the relations. It is impossible to tell that the person who not in marriage, - does not love. There is an unripe love, narcissistic (I love another for the fact that he loves me, or in another I see myself, and I love in him myself), egoistical love.
Crisis of the middle of lifethe Following wave of stains, as a rule, is necessary
on 40 - summer age. Crisis of the middle of life happens at both partners. But most sharply it passes at men. It is connected with disappointment with that standard of living which the person has. There is a revaluation of values, their reconsideration. Pursues feeling that life is lived not so, and not in that direction, as if there was a wish. Very often the man accuses the woman of the failures.
Always there is a charge of the partner, offense on the partner. But other partner here at anything. Actually the person has no ability to take the responsibility for the life, for the results and failures.
Council. If the person is capable to comprehend the acts and actions, then it is possible to keep a family. If the person is not inclined to the analysis, then it, most likely, will react with action. Not necessarily reaction will be directed to marriage destruction. The partner can have a temporary communication.
At accommodation of a situation, at study of people can come to the new level of the relations. Without destroying, without depreciating what was before, and developing the relations. Any crisis gives the chance for development. Here a lot of things depend on a state and behavior of the partner. If the partner is ready to suffer, accept, to help and wait, it will promote resolution of crisis.
Very often the psychologist is asked: “What to do?“ Just it is important sometimes to be near, be for the spouse. But at the same time to be oneself.
At Helenger such interesting moment is noted that at long joint life the man and the woman gradually lose courage and feminity and gradually refuse them.
Distinctions are as if erased. The psychologist says that the old men who lived all life together - not absolutely the man and the woman, and is more than two persons which live together. And he considers that in it there is the charm. Joint life assumes gradual refusal of something.
But up to the end not to lose the identity, it needs to be restored. To the man in the men`s company, the woman - in female. Stay in such communities is important, at the same time it is unimportant on what subject there is a communication.
However if the person at the same time too often aspires outside, it means that he for any reasons does not manage to reveal in partnership.