How to sympathize with acquaintances?
In talk with different people sometimes it is necessary to feel sympathy for the interlocutor in connection with some troubles or even a grief. Rather sincerely, probably, only the loving people (for example, mother can sympathize with the child). The others just execute sympathy ritual. But also it is quite good because such ritual shows goodwill and desire to show a good attitude to the person. whether
Is possible sincere sympathy to not really loved one?
Hardly. When the friend or the friend tells about the trouble, we represent in this situation only ourselves, but not it. From where to us know what occurs in foreign soul? Whatever he put the feelings into words, we never will fully understand them. Means, pronouncing the sympathizing words, really we sympathize only with ourselves in an unpleasant situation of the friend. And when we give advice, we advise ourselves as besides we represent ourselves in a difficult situation of other person.
For many people purely external condolence as a sign of confirmation of good relations suffices.
I observed how people differently react to the arisen need to sympathize.
Such different sympathy concerning an easy indisposition
U me is the friend to whom we are not really close, just sometimes we exchange calls by phone to talk about anything. Somehow in one of talk it long and in detail described the diseases. Then asked about we wash health. At present I was hurt by a knee, and I honestly told it about it. Then I understood what mistake I made.
Next day she called me and advised to do a compress on a knee of a flax seed which should be boiled thoroughly well. I thanked for council. But did not hurry to use it because knee pain already passed. Soon she called again and told that she forgot me to warn: the hot seed of flax is not necessary for at once to put on a knee not to burn. I answered that I can quite think not to impose the boiling solution on a sore point.
In couple of days it is ringing of it again. Now she asked whether I do a compress. Its calls already began to strain me. I answered it that I do not do yet because the knee does not hurt any more. Here I had to listen to lecture that it is impossible to start diseases of joints and if the knee does not hurt, then it does not mean that it is healthy. It, at last, bothered me, and I frankly asked it to leave my knee alone. She did not take offense, only blamed me for levity (we with her almost coevals). I defiantly gave the conversation another turn.
However to relax was early. Every other day she called and advised me to read books of doctor Bubnovsky in which he gives advice on treatment of joints, including knees. And still every other day asked whether Bubnovsky was pleasant to me. As she rang strictly certain time when she was free, in these hours I ceased to take the call (as I was glad that it had no number of my cell phone). If nevertheless she phones to me, then about health I will answer her question now that everything is remarkable even if at this moment I will be confined to the bed.
Other my friend acts exactly on the contrary. She calls and asks about we wash health. It is difficult to hide cough or cold. It is necessary “to admit“ cold. But I do not manage to finish speaking because literally stop short it “transfers rails“ to itself and says the sacramental phrase: “And at me too“. Further there is a detailed story about a state of her health. Sometimes I want to ask it that it began conversation on the health at once, without pretending what is interested in mine.
The third friend that, for example, the head hurts, responds to my answer always same: “Nonsense, do not pay attention, drink analginum or aspirin, and everything will pass“. I begin to feel insignificance of my headache at once. Further I always answer it that everything is all right.
How to sympathize in the real grief?Once we worked with
together with the translator who left then our department. We with it always had fine relations. After its leaving we sometimes exchanged calls, but then communication naturally stopped. From time to time I heard something about it from mutual friends. Not so long ago I was told terrible news: at the translator the son died. I was shocked, but could not call to feel sympathy. Perhaps, I too complicate this question. Anything special: to take the call and to call with words of a condolence. I long was going to make it, but could not think up the words adequate to such case.
Recently she unexpectedly called me with one request. I right there remembered that I did not express condolences concerning death of her son. We discussed the question interesting her, and I was disturbed all the time by this thought. We finished conversation, but I did not touch upon this subject.
Perhaps, I correctly made? Not any misfortune demands the sympathizing response. Of course, the grief of the translator was such terrible that any words, even the most sincere, can irritate and seem inappropriate.
And in other, less awful, cases, perhaps, it is better to keep silent or manage literally several suitable words, without imposing themselves. It seems to me, it is not always necessary to try to react to troubles of other person, violently showing the responsiveness.