“Difficult“ parents: how to improve the relations?
are quite easy to find Today information on how to become the good interlocutor. There is a set of trainings where it is possible to train communicative skills. Everything is good, but all this breaks as soon as business reaches search of mutual understanding between different generations in a family. It is a special case. Not for nothing the subject of fathers and children - is eternal.
Sometimes communication with parents has really catastrophic character. Perhaps, because we are more sensitive to their estimates and remarks, our reactions to them are more emotional. Strange, but that we with ease forgive to strangers in parents we often do not transfer. In process of a growing and receiving experience, we often depart from parents or from one of them. Many adults prefer to keep them at arm`s length not to test a negative when they with persistence and constancy interpose in the matter of children. Seldom what important vital event takes place without comment of seniors. They wish to discuss our achievements and falling, the choice of the partner in life, acquisition of a profession, trip and rest, education of children, cooking, cleaning in the apartment, work, clothes style, gifts, the relations, feelings … Whether it is possible to improve the relations with “difficult“ parents?
We have one advantage: we grew up and now we can reject councils of the senior generation if they do not suit us. Unfortunately, the form in which such recommendations move happens such that the big desire appears not to address for them any more. But if completely to alienate parents from itself, we can lose and which - that very valuable - support and blessing of a sort, it is as if pathos sounded. If to reflect, the care of parents, even expressed in an unsuccessful form, quite often is manifestation of love and concern for us. To us as to younger and mobile organisms, it is much easier to change the relation, to change habits, to be reconstructed in a new way. And owing to their age it is much more difficult to parents to make it. They are terribly offended by our relation to their remarks, they sincerely show care. Besides the sharp feeling that they are not eternal, is forced them with doubled to pass on the experience. And it is so hard for them: they feel how forces and energy become less. And if children show to them coldness, they arrive at idea of the uselessness, small importance and value why to them becomes even more bitter.
You look that turns out. It is necessary both children, and parents hardly, and often all the reasons identical, however, can have different feelings. For example, children take offense because parents climb in their life, do not recognize behind them the right to get the experience and to study on the mistakes. Parents take offense because they to them do not listen, do not accept their care. Children are angry because recommendations of seniors are often categorical, categorical and have mandative or manipulative character. Parents fly into a rage from own helplessness though somehow to facilitate difficulties of a growing of children, they are eager to open for them eyes, to warn against danger, but their efforts are vain. Children find that they are not accepted such what they are, do not love, it is impossible to love and to straighten out, estimate, try to correct constantly. Parents think that ceased to reckon with them, so too do not appreciate and do not love. By and large we wait from each other for acceptance, love and support.
What to do how to improve the relations with parents? Probably, not to do without detailed conversation . We have a main thing much in common: feelings and expectations. It is possible to make a start from recognition of difficulty of relationship and the general expectations and to try to decide in what form we can give each other love, understanding and support. If parents owing to any reasons remain unshakable, children should change.
And main that we should make, it is to recognize the first that parents transmit through the love and care to us blessing and force of a sort . To recognize that in a different way they are not able to do it and will hardly learn therefore you should not dramatize events too. Listening to parental manuals and remarks, present that you pass them via the filter, rejecting all unnecessary and leaving only attention to you.
If you have especially sore subjects, try not to lift them and not to support . You speak about something neutral, the quiet conversation behind a cup of tea can present a cosiness and tranquility, feeling of warm communication and pleasure of a meeting.
And one more council. Conversation with parents - an excellent opportunity to train ability to listen and hear. your interest a state, feelings, thoughts of the father or mother will show them that you are rather attentive to them. It will bring them calm, feeling of value and the importance. And, perhaps, the atmosphere of conversation will become warmer when they understand that listened to them and understood. In such state it will be much easier for them to apprehend your point of view.