Illusions and reality. In what danger of “castles in the air“?
Be afraid to build castles in the air. Because it is easy to build them - heavy to destroy. It O. Bismarck`s words. Now I know that Life always breaks human illusions...
You should not try to squeeze this world in any framework, to designate as everything has to be, lay down the conditions. Life will break all barriers and will break down all stereotypes, she does not love when impose the overestimated requirements to it, will not suffer your excessive importance.
If it is necessary for Life, she will teach, will force, will break, will change you.
I, for example, always wanted fidelity. I considered that my loved one has to be faithful to me in everything unconditionally. It seemed to me that I will never be able to forgive change, treachery. I was afraid of this pain, treachery pain, above all. And constantly fed itself with unrealistic illusions. Persistently drew them and desperately trusted. Built castles in the air of the great expectations.
And everyone who tried to destroy my illusions was perceived by me in bayonets, was exposed to severe criticism. I desperately protected the castles in the air as if the embittered sentry dog. In the internal space I fought for the world and rest with the last bit of strength. “Growled“ and “bit“. Protected the state.
It was opposite to listen to talk on man`s changes, such men caused in me disgust and inspired fastidiousness. I tried even to prove them something, convincing of the correctness. What for?! Itself now on myself I am surprised. I understand now that it was silly and senseless, - it is impossible to change one talk human system of values, it can make only Life. Only thanks to own experience, having rethought something, having understood, the person becomes capable to internal changes.
I wanted then that the world was ideal that in it is mute fully the love and fidelity that there was a purity in the relations reigned. I wanted to trust, love, to trust and it was not represented how it is possible to live differently as others live without it.
All my illusions were cruelly broken by Life. It was so sick to receive its severe blows to live. As though a stone plate weighing about a ton pressed down me then. Also all locks - both air, and crystal failed suddenly. There were one splinters around. All dreams into smithereens. And soul in blood.
And it is necessary to live - that further. Besides around crowd of the audience. Much wanted that I and remained under this plate crushed. But I, having collected all will in a fist, went further. Through pain.
Also learned not to condemn. Ceased to prove someone something, to try to change and change someone. I learned to accept everything as is. Because Life for some instant connected me to those whom I condemned earlier. And I had to make more than once what earlier I denied and criticized. I understood why people so live as they to it come.
But still I understood one important thing: that sincere emptiness everything is not to fill with lie. Substitution of concepts and values will not work here. From empty life emptiness and melancholy in soul will only increase because the human soul everything is reaches for truth, for light, for good and sincerity. Not casual sex, the crumpled beds, for the smoked cigarettes and the drunk alcohol the soul of the person is eager, not others hands, for false phrases and cheap promises waits. There is a wish to adjoin it to something eternal and real. This eternal is only cleared in sufferings and comes back to soul droplets of hope, mercy and love. These drops are saved to soul, pure as a spring, and dust, lie and dirt wash away from it, and return to Eternity sources.
I believe that in soul of each person there are these droplets of belief, light and pure, they will always rescue, will support and will help. Only it is necessary to fight for them and to protect them in itself. To listen to their crystal-clear voices, to believe in good.
In human life there is a place to all: also I will deceive, to both the truth, and fidelity, and treachery - there is no everything hopelessly black or absolutely white. It is just necessary to look for good in people and in life, but not to emphasize bad. However is not necessary at the same time too something or to be fascinated by someone that then it was not necessary to be disappointed. It is not necessary to create illusions!