About changes and about the one who will lose “everything“.
“Change is terrible the fact that not to change it any more“.
The classical case of change includes the triangle consisting of the wife, the husband and the mistress. And the woman, owing to the emotionality and sensitivity is more often, suffers most of all from change. And here who loses “everything“ I will try to analyse further.
So, the HUSBAND …
to Sergey was 35 years, it had a family, the apartment, the car, perspective work, the developed company of friends. There was a hard time when Sergey began to build the career, there were many affairs, and time at times was not even enough for attention for the wife and the little daughter. It was necessary to think of acquisition of housing, the car, and providing a family with all necessary. He was respectful to the wife, at home was pure, cozy, at the difficult moments he felt her faith in him, but over time, more and more seldom perceived it as the woman, such mysterious and fine. And once, to Sergey the young woman came to reception … and he asked for her a phone number. Then there were meetings, declarations of love, the truth even more often only from it he heard how she cannot live without it that nothing is necessary to it from it, except him, and she will be able to love also for two. Surprised him that this woman was ready will meet him at any time, even not always convenient for it, she murmured that it does not need bouquets of roses, she loves wild flowers, it in 15 minutes could get rid of the one-year-old daughter after its call and the message that it will come to it now for 5 minutes … Certainly it pleased him, he felt like the Man, besides he could complain to it of the wife, of the relations with it. He could tell about the troubles in business, about dishonest partners who deceived him, she so understood it and did not criticize, she smiled and kissed it. Of course, Sergey accepted such situation: there is a family and there is a woman who, in general costs much not and is always available to it. So 2 years proceeded. Recently from the mistress Sergey began to hear requirements: “Why to you the wife with whom there are no relations divorce her and marry me, I to you and the child will give rise, and I so want from you the kid“, “Do not leave to it, she does not wait for you, you for it only a bag with money, and I love you and money yours is not necessary to me“. And the more such claims poured, the more Seregi did not have enough time to come to it, stirred serious problems at work, the daughter was unwell, relatives have problems. Of course, did not include in Sergey`s plans to change the life and to begin it with the new woman. It accepted both women they were necessary to it and everyone on the. To realize actually for what they were necessary to it, - he found it difficult to explain. And the secret of such behavior of men lies in the far childhood where, being still a boy, Sergey was present at frequent dismantling of mother with the father concerning his changes and with interest watched intrigues which were introduced in a family by the father, changing mother. Little Seryozha already then took pride of the father when mother sorted out the relations with other woman and begged not to leave it. Therefore such stereotype of behavior of the man was absorbed by it since the childhood and was embodied in adulthood. He was besides is sure that the wife will forgive him if she learns.
Marina married in marriage for love why I emphasize it? Because when Marina married Sergey, he was a simple driver and entry into adult and provided life was given her hardly. It was necessary to refuse in many respects to itself, to be in time also at work and to work at home, and it, as we know, affects beauty and character. Generally, the difficult period of life was overcome, the husband sharply progressed in career, of course thanks to its support, the financial condition of a family was stabilized and now it was necessary to enjoy results of the work and family wellbeing. Yes, of course the family relations became similar to stagnant water, in that plan that everything became predicted, it knew what can quarrel where they will go for the weekend that its gesture, his look and so on means will end, but it is it did not frighten, she loved Sergey and trusted it. Trusted more true in the tale of happy family life which she to herself thought up and did not want to notice the appeared strangenesses of the spouse at all, and he for some reason began to be late at work though happened that from work when it had to be there, he was called and looked for. When SMS came, it nervously was enough phone and ran away to other room, were still ringing at night … but it to Marin did not confuse because after a delay at work it brought a bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates, began to give gifts without cause and Marinochka was finally convinced that it is loved also nothing terrible in their relations with Sergey had a presentiment. Only in one fine sunny day when Sergey incidentally left at home phone, she read just come SMS and, the world failed! It was sick, and treacheries are even more sick from the revealed lie. She looked at the husband and it seemed to her that he is not familiar to it absolutely, so it was shaken by that party of his personality to which she did not pay attention earlier. She did not blame him, she blamed herself, that she too idealized it and did not want to see that person whom he was actually. She forgave him, but will hardly forget the endured humiliation.
30 summer Svetlana gave birth to the girl a year ago, and through half of year buried the cohabitant Evgeny. He was married, he had a family and two children, but it after all managed to persuade him to pass to live to it to the apartment. These relations proceeded 3 years. In the beginning Evgeny was not going to build with it the serious relations, but everything was changed by her unexpected pregnancy. And to support he agreed to live the woman in pregnancy at it. After the birth of the girl, the requirement to get divorced from wife and proceeded to get married with her everything persistently, roughly and sharply. As a result Evgeny`s heart did not sustain, and the young man died of a heart attack, without having decided, to get divorced from the wife and marries Svetlana. It did not include in its plans, and pressure the newborn child was intolerable.
Passed month after a funeral Evgenia, Svetlana went to a business meeting and here she saw Sergey, it was pleasant to it, she looked at it with a languishing look and noticed how that was confused and began to answer her flirtation. Of course, she noticed a wedding ring on Sergey`s finger, but it unless a barrier for such beautiful and clever as it? Besides, she knew that if the man begins to answer its signs which it sends, then it becomes clear to it that if this man has a woman, not important who is she, the wife or so-so, then it hardly for him so valuable that he refused Svetlana.
Having endured serious fight about Evgeny and having actually lost, it understood “difficult life“ of Sergey about which he so often told it, and is not noticeable for itself mentally began to compete to his wife. It depended on Sergey`s complaints to the wife. If he complained that the wife refused sex, Sveta for herself solved: “and I will never refuse to it sex“. And of course in beds played sex a bomb. “The wife cannot listen to him, and I will listen. The wife demands a trip at the sea, and I will not be, I love it not for money, and just for the fact that it is“. And did not notice that how became the invisible competitor for Sergey`s wife and as she tried to prove the superiority before the wife to the detriment of the needs and needs of the little daughter. So for “love“ to Sergey, Svetlana turned into the ardent competitor of the wife of Sergey where he was only a trophy in this fight. But through some time reasonable thoughts began to visit Sveta if she is better than the wife, then why he does not divorce her. If logically the wife “such bad“ as Sergey, then why then not to throw it and to change for it, Sveta, such beautiful, clever, understanding, listening and demanding nothing, except presence of the most favourite described her? It at first indirectly, and then directly began to ask questions of the joint future. And as a rule, received the answer that now not time, the daughter was unwell, it is a lot more what because of what Sergey could not decide on divorce with “the bad wife“. He of course promised it that everything will decide what needs to be waited, but expectation dragged on not only for months, but also for years. And then Svetlana has an aspiration to publish the relations with Sergey to his wife, she can will take some measures and will release the man? Of course, Svetlana had attempts to reveal itself earlier, a casual call home to Sergey in the day off, SMS in a lunch break when it was at home with the wife and a lot more small “accidents“. And the wife learned! There were also threats and insults to Sveta, but she did not feel guilty, Sergey considers her better than the wife and such explanation quite calmed her and did not allow to leave self-deception to become for it only. Time to the man came to be defined with whom further to continue life therefore, as well as the wife and the mistress required the solution of this question. And he did not want to leave neither that nor another, he liked situation that two women fight for it, besides each of them gave it what another could not give. Also the lie both in ears of the wife and in the mistress`s ears flew. Jeunet he said that he cannot get off the mistress who pursues it both by phone and at work, persuading not to throw it, he feels sorry for her, she to it made nothing bad. Besides, Sergey convinced the wife that all men have mistresses and all wives know about them and are reconciled with such situation. He said to Svetlana that the wife is not going to release just like that it and together with parents delivered the ultimatum to it: or it leaves to the mistress, and all of them refuse it or remains with the wife and to it everything will say goodbye. She has to understand that it cannot assume that parents refused it. It was painful to Svetlana, she suffered and understood that she for the second time lost and stepped on a rake again, could not realize only in any way that it carries this rake always with itself therefore steps on them. She could not realize also and the fact that its strategy of behavior is a behavior of a female, but not women. Someone, and remains at the level of a female where the aspiration to look as sexual object for performance of the main task is the cornerstone of behavior - “to catch the man“. And is such who develops in himself feminity and to become the Woman at the heart of whose behavior construction of the life and the relations with the man. The aiming at “catching of the man“, speaks about not ability to love as itself and other person. All this postpones the time of a marriage and very often makes it impossible. And nothing remains to Svetlana how to be content with a role of the mistress, to be single mother, reconciling to the destiny which she for herself also created. And her little daughter should realize the same stereotype of behavior too, as well as at her mother.
So who lost with a chipped washing-tub? In total! Only everyone has it the. To apprehend all incident as a lesson. Sergey should learning to appreciate what you have and to reconsider the relation to women. To deceive two women and to involve them in fight for itself - not the best way of self-affirmation for the man if your father acted this way, then it does not mean that he acted right. It can seem to the recommendation for the wife for some terrible, but at first sight. The wife should thank the mistress for the fact that with her help the true essence of the man with whom lives and from which gave birth to the child was opened and more really to realize life, but not to soar in wellbeing illusions. To Svetlana, it is necessary to get rid of “love to married men“ and learns to reveal in itself the woman.
Each of three has exit from such difficult situation, but that it will be required to be found Many efforts from participants and full acceptance of responsibility for what occurs in your life.
Therefore deciding on change - change only the life to the best.