How to cope with feeling of envy?
Perhaps it will be interesting to someone to learn about the envy? I would like to consider envy from the point of view of a Gestalt - psychology and ways of its therapy. Envy is a feeling, experience which content is idea that someone possesses something that by right belongs to me.
Here on this place of “universal injustice“ the feeling of envy also appears. It is an important point because we actually envy Kolya or Petya not because they Kolya or Petya, and therefore they have what has to belong to me, and I it strongly want. And feelings in itself do not happen “bad or good“ - a question as we with them manage and that as a result we receive.
In fact, behind envy there are our desires and that strong excitement which we experience. This energy looks for ways for the realization. However, in respect of understanding of this feeling not everything is as simple as can seem at first sight. Therefore envy can be shown in different forms of experience and ways of behavior.
Here the main:
Envy can not be realized the person as experience, and all the energy he will spend for suppression of this inexplicable and unclear to it excitement. In such cases awareness of the envy is represented just intolerable process, and eventually the person brings himself to apathy and an adynamy. Take the word, a large number of people, even thoughts do not assume that they can test envy. In such therapeutic cases, it is necessary to begin with legalization of the feeling.
In other cases envy to other person can insufficiently osoznavats I, and then directs the forces and energy of people to depreciating achievements of another - an envy source. Such people willingly go in for criticism, but at the same time create nothing. You, for certain, met similar people in the environment though it is about banal envy.
When we deal with the realized envy , we can spend the excitement and energy more productively, for example, to create something similar, to achieve similar heights, and it is even better - to surpass success of another. But in similar cases of people does not reflect as far as his actions meet its true needs and desires. It is quite probable that the object of envy and rivalry realizes the requirements, and it manages it harmoniously, and we just try to copy its actions, without having understood at all that is wanted personally by us. Frequent it is race on a survival by the principle “who better?“. In - the first, there will always be someone who will be better (more richly, stronger, more beautifully, is more known, more successful), in - the second what disappointment when the person achieves a goal will be, and on a result, will not understand: what for? for the sake of what? what now with it to do? how further to live? Professional athletes, and also the businessmen incapable often get into such situation on completion of the career to stop in the desire to be enriched.
And at last, the most “mature“ form of experience of envy: when we realize it, but at the same time we do not connect with the specific person , understanding that another - only the carrier, or object thanks to which we realize the true desire. Having realized it, we choose the most suitable way of its satisfaction. Thus we stop being dependent on specific people or social “criteria“ and we begin to adapt creatively to world around, based on the desires and requirements. We are not obliged to react immediately to an irritant any more, and are capable to postpone the actions for realization of desire for more suitable situation or a way. For example, I do not run to buy quicker a new gadget or a thing from the last collection of the famous couturier, understanding the desire, say, to seem is more successful, more advanced or being afraid of condemnation of friends. I will be able to meet the true desires another, less expensive and more productive, for myself in the way and to receive as a result much more dividends.
From the point of view of psychotherapy, the first 3 forms because the feeling is not realized will be “problem“, or it is poorly realized, the feeling is connected with external object (other person) on which we become dependent, there are no opportunities for understanding of the true requirements and desires. Life of such person will be subordinated to external factors, and mental well-being will be connected with as far as it was possible or it was not succeeded to overtake another in “rat race“. You remember the literary character Ellochka - the cannibal from “12 chairs“ who competed with the billionaire and how her life was subordinated to feeling of envy? It is not necessary to get rid of feeling of envy, or to try to suppress it, these can only aggravate a situation, but it is important to adapt creatively to world around, I legalize the feelings including envy, attentively listening to the desires. Summing up the results, one may say, that for “mature“ (from the psychological point of view) the person the last way of manner with envy will be optimum, other people will be forced to resort to less productive and more exhausting to ways, without realizing the envy. But everything can learn with the expert and without him. For some clients it is necessary to pass all four forms of manner with the feeling of envy. Therefore envy on health!
Similar work takes place also with other feelings of the client within a Gestalt - therapies, only each feeling has features and phenomenology. It is only important to understand that “problem“ (as it is accepted to call in everyday psychology) not from the fact that there is a certain feeling, and from the fact that this feeling is not endured, or is endured not fully therefore the psychotherapy, sometimes, occupies a long piece of time. It is necessary anew to learn to feel and live.