Ability to communicate or How to be clear each other?
We are all different. This axiom became a platitude, so hackneyed long ago that, actually, practically lost own sense. We pronounce these words, without reflecting and without understanding, without realizing their true value. So that any person, having read this phrase, experiences surprise in half with some irritation: “Well and that, it is known to all“.
And meanwhile this difference - if not to realize it - everyday prevents us to live. In the easy and shattering way. Preventing us to talk and agree with people. Pronouncing the same words, each of us puts in them the sense - and this sense not always coincides with sense which in the same word was enclosed by the interlocutor. If you do not trust - play with those who now near you. Call any word - for example, “table“. And let everyone will tell what image instantly arose at it in consciousness. I here, for example, saw a round table darkly - a brown tree, old - earlier such called “petty-bourgeois“. Covered with a yellow cloth with a fringe … What was seen by you?
And it is not the all obstacles arising before those who talk. Of course, easy chatter, playful chatter do not require such attention as the purpose of such talk - just rest, entertainment. But if you need to explain to the husband that you are tired at work and you need more help with the house? But if you want to inform somehow the wife what sometimes you need to be alone - yes so that there was no offense or the conflict? But if you want to learn from your child why he threw study? But if you like to talk with each other “for life“ and to discuss the most various vital subjects? And so on …
A meanwhile defined and checked long ago in practice several easy ways to talk which will help also you, quarrystone you will begin to use them.
1. If difficult conversation is necessary to you, choose time when you and your partner in communication are in a quiet state. To talk on emotional “platoon“ it will not turn out. If your purpose is not scandal, and a possibility of communication, understanding or change - begin conversation only in a balanced state and hold this state during all conversation.
2. State a question essence. You do not speak it is verbose, formulate a subject shortly and accurately - but at the same time all theses stated by you have to be clear to your interlocutor.
3. Be benevolent. With the person who accuses you and experiences to you negative emotions conversation will not turn out.
4. Agree about concepts. It is obligatory point for conversation on any subjects. All of us different (you remember?) also we put different sense in one and those words. Where it is possible to define at least the basic concepts which you will use in conversation, make it in advance, before conversation. Explain the others on the course: “When I speak …, I mean that …“.
5. Important! Avoid estimated statements and statements with emotionally - negative value. Formulate your thought so that it did not become charge or an assessment of actions (and also words, thoughts and feelings) partner - and furthermore, him. Your purpose - not to swear, truly? Not to accuse of something the partner. Your purpose - to reach understanding, a consent and probably change in which both of you will feel comfortable and warmly.
6. As your words can be understood by the interlocutor differently, and you can easily understand the interlocutor at all not as he meant. Enter to yourself into a habit to listen to the end of the interlocutor up to the end, you do not hurry to answer, having considered that you already understood that he wanted to tell - and suddenly he means something other?
7. having Completely listened to the statement, it is better to ask again: “You mean this and it? I correctly understand you?“ You are surprised how it will be frequent the answer to you surprised: “No, I mean absolutely another“. On it in conversation many stumble, going to the senseless, based only on misunderstanding conflict. Question: “Telling this that you mean?“, reduces the number of the unnecessary conflicts and a downtime many times.
8. Try to hear the interlocutor. It is possible to reach a consent only when both participants of conversation have an opportunity to express and at the same time to be heard and understood. Even if you do not agree with the point of view of the partner in conversation, respect its right for the vision. His point of view is based on something. For some reason your partner thinks quite so - probably, he has on it bases? What?
9. be not afraid to open. In normal conversation it is always possible to tell the interlocutor openly: “When you so speak, I understand it so, and it disturbs me because … I want that we with you understood each other, it is important for me because …“. If you tell it quietly and kindly, then you will manage to convey to the interlocutor information, important for you, - and in such look in which he will be able to apprehend it. An additional bonus - avoidance often the senseless conflict, and also unnecessary misunderstanding.
10. Try to speak with the interlocutor his language. If he considers essential one arguments, it is not enough to give sense to it of others. If you want to inform it of the thoughts, wishes or ideas, it makes sense to talk, using his own arguments, categories and concepts.
Keeping goodwill to the interlocutor, showing interest in his point of view and talking to it in its language, we have a rare opportunity not only to be heard, but also to learn in conversation something important and essential to ourselves. Of course, at first such conversation demands some preparation, but the practician - the best teacher, and after a while it will bear to you fruit.