Why to give birth together with the husband? Myths and prejudices of
It became very fashionable to give birth together with the husband. Magazines for pregnant women dazzle with articles about how this process strengthens a family, rallies spouses, the man from it becomes the superfather attached to the child it is not less, than mother. Let`s understand whether it is really so important - to give birth with the husband?
I will personally state my opinion. It is, of course, not the ultimate truth, but I have two children, both of them were born by means of planned Cesarean sections, and I will not get in any way into the head at what stage of this action the husband could be necessary for me. Waiting for operation I read books, during operation communicated with doctors, then slept, then was already engaged in the child. But most of women everything are gives birth to children in the natural way, so, maybe, the husband manages to be necessary for them at this time?
I will try to dispel all myths which shrouded process of childbirth with the husband. What arguments in protection of finding of the spouse near the woman are adduced?
1. “The husband will look after doctors if they try to stick to me something not that, or will leave to the mercy of fate“.
Doctors are not pakostlivy cats whom it is necessary to look after constantly, and that they, do not give My God, instead of oxytocin will drop to you Corvalol to a vven. Needlessly doctors prick to nobody nothing, do not appoint and do not register. Doctors do the work, in a day in maternity hospital appears from six to twenty kids. Your husband who attended five classes of school for pregnant women and absolutely precisely all about you and your childbirth knows, the personnel will only irritate if takes in head to direct, specify and do what considers it necessary.
That you were not thrown, in advance spend a little time: choose good maternity hospital and the doctor, meet and agree.
2. “The husband very much helped me on childbirth, massed a waist and moistened with lip water“.
Business good - a waist that you did not take the pedicurist and the cosmetologist, childbirth - business long, could be in time a lot of things. It as the woman is not ready to remain alone with by itself and with the feelings if drags the husband to the patrimonial hall? Well, to a heap call the father with mother. And the younger little sister, let will look that happens if to forget to force the guy to put on a condom. Advantage it will be much bigger, than to the husband.
It is clear, that that the husband did not feel on childbirth absolutely a useless being, to him think out various distracting occupations: to hold by a hand, to iron legs, to look penetrating in the face. Would go better home, has a sleep, the poor fellow, a year more it is not necessary to get enough sleep now, and to it to go to work, unlike you.
3. “Joint childbirth strengthens a family, wakes up in the man fatherly feelings“.
Here not the fact. I saw many strong families where spouses gave birth separately. I witnessed stains of families in which children appeared not that in joint labor with the husband, so also at home. At the acquaintance the husband brought the mistress during this period when she was pregnant with their first child. As means for strengthening of a family she tried to use joint childbirth. So to speak, to restore the destroyed marriage bonds, having awakened affection for the child in the young father.
The beautiful kid was born, but the family everything is broke up, the father does not communicate with the child, though was present at his birth. It I to what? To give birth with the husband is just to give birth with the husband, it is not necessary to bring ideology under this event that it you lay the strong foundation for your family life, the relations, mental health of the child. Life is long, it is possible to pass together through all barriers, and then to leave foreign people.
4. “Childbirth is such difficult and touchy business, the husband is simply obliged to be near the woman and the child during this period“.
It is correct. Spouses have to be together, in difficult affairs everywhere - that. Wives let then do with husbands military service, go to war, catch criminals, extinguish the fires and too let go to important meetings together with the spouses. Suddenly the husband will need by water to moisten or massage lips a waist during difficult, protracted negotiations? And here she is a wife, near a chair costs, is ready for everything.
What, you will tell - different things? I consider - everyone has to go about the own business. I cannot but mention the quote which set the teeth on edge from the Bible in which the man is offered to work heavy to the death, by the sweat of the brow getting myself livelihood, and to the woman - to give birth tormently. And nothing about joint childbirth, notice, as well as about joint plowing of fields. To everyone - the.
And maybe, it is all about my confidence? Confidence in happy end, confidence that I will be given the correct and timely help, trust to the world and people? On childbirth in the person of the husband I needed neither protection, nor the company. I can protect myself the, best company - it is the good book, and to help - a duty of doctors.
I conducted survey of ten girlfriends who took the husband on childbirth (practiced childbirth in three cases of the girl at home, with the husband and the midwife). After all these phrases about paternity, strengthening of a family and so on I heard the truth. All ten spoke approximately same: “You know, I so am afraid of doctors. Small one was in hospitals, still as I will remember - tears well up. As doctors tormented me, put a probe in a mouth, and the throat hurt me. I am afraid of pricks. I am afraid that doctors will shout at me, will get nasty with me, will secretly or violently carry out manipulations. In general I am afraid since the childhood of official medicine. Also I am treated at now homeopathists“ .
It turns out that behind beautiful words, the ordinary fear caught by the small child and which remained not worked still is behind the whole theory of “correctness“, usefulness and necessity of joint childbirth. Still - inability to communicate, expectation of a failure, inability to resist to pressure if you want. And the husband undertakes on childbirth as an insurance, as straws which is laid because approximately know where it is necessary to fall. Then call things by their proper names, please.
5. “The father on childbirth is necessary to stay with the child until mother is sewn up not to give the kid to doctors, and that they will feed him with mix (not so will process, will do vaccination, will begin to put on it experiences)“.
Too myth, in my opinion. Why on families of people, not possessing special medical education, but potentially possessing an excess set of undesirable infections? That on the daddy looked at dithat? So the father will be in a dressing gown, boot covers, a cap, gloves and a mask, the child will see only eyes.
The child, as well as mother, after the delivery need rest, but not jolting on hands at the uneasy father, kisses and shootings on a chamber. Nothing criminal I in finish feeding mix in the first one or two days I do not see, nobody without your consent will do vaccination, nobody will scoff at the kid. On the contrary, the crumb will be under supervision of mother who was not tired after the delivery, and qualified personnel which will notice in time if with it something goes not so, and will manage to give help competently. Mother too after the delivery should have a rest well, but not to jump on chamber, washing away small buttocks and changing diapers.
Such is my personal opinion. I can be mistaken, but still sincerely I am perplexed when girlfriends brag: “I gave birth with the husband! To the child it is important, he in a tummy heard a father`s voice and at once calmed down when it was born and heard it“. You never know whose voice the child heard in a tummy? I, for example, worked almost before the childbirth, and the child heard a voice of my chief much more often than the husband`s voice, me that, now with the chief to give birth that the child calmed down somewhat quicker? Nothing terrible if the newborn a little is fidgety, I will take him then on hands and I will explain everything to him: that he was born that I am his mother that the father will come soon, I will tell how all of us waited for it, and I will show where to take food. I trust the child too, as well as to people around, and to the world, - he correctly will understand everything.
About what aspect it is worth to remember. All these installations and those who preach them are rather aggressive: anti-inoculative subjects, a subject of childbirth in house conditions, subjects of childbirth with the husband, breastfeeding till five years … They are not just recommended, they are imposed literally by the people who “believed“ in correctness of such approach to a question. What it is necessary to do to lonely mothers or those who became a widow/widower during pregnancy? To them - with whom to give birth?
People are adoptive parents, having listened about importance of presence on families of both parents, in general risk to get a deep complex for the rest of life: did not give birth, did not hold, did not nurse …
Ya, generally, even not against joint childbirth. I against “inflating“ of this question, emphasis on it of attention, imposing of this position as only true and correct both for the child, and for his parents. There will be a father on childbirth or will not be - not so important, the main thing that on them there were living and healthy mother and the kid. And all the rest - details.