The jealousy arises in the childhood?
Jealousy are an experience which accompanies thought of the real or imagined loss of love. It arises in a situation of competition , the competition, violation of possession, a dissatisfaction. It amplifies owing to failure, loss of prestige, a stress, a chronic illness.
Whatever was the jealousy - justified or unjustified, it always hurts. And that, and other party. From where the jealousy undertakes and what its manifestation depends on?
It is from the childhood
Classical psychoanalysis considers that the jealousy arises at children`s age: girls have fathers to mother, boys have mothers to the father. That is the jealousy brightly blossoms in 3-5 years and is followed by romantic feelings to the parent of an opposite sex and hostility to the parent of the floor. After Freud idea that children from infantile age are jealous mother of the father irrespective of a floor as the exclusive, special relations with mother - the person who feeds, warms, preserves are important for the child from the very beginning of his development is more standard and protects a helpless being.
Small children often strongly are jealous also brothers - sisters of parents, including them threat of destruction of the cozy world, the major for them the union. With age the kid begins to understand and master more the outside world also learns that he cannot hold mother at himself as the sole property. It appears, mother is not continuation, part him. Some children easily reconcile to this circumstance, others - owing to the temperament - endure sharp offense on mother and chagrin, try “to return“ mother to the order. Nevertheless, if the child has enough heat, care and attention from mother, then he outgrows jealousy.
In other words if close and reliable contact of the baby with mother was strong come, then the child grows confident in mother and that “the world good and predictable“. Then the fear of loss of mother is weaker, and ability to share it stronger. So as a result he can receive and feel more love to “rivals“ more pleasure from the relations with other family members. As a result the love to the father and sisters - to brothers outweighs his jealousy and offense on the fact that mother cannot be considered as his undivided property any more. And at the same time it is not important whether he is the only child in a family or not. Lyubov gets the best of jealousy.
of Hope and threat
Happens that the growing kid is injured at some moment. It can be an illness of one of parents, alcoholism, hospitalization in hospital of the kid, divorce, simply inconsistent or detached address of mother. The relations with parents become unreliable, unpredictable.
The kid signals adults about the trouble: becomes whimsical, disturbing, suppressed, is afraid of strangers, constantly asks on hands. Then it is extremely difficult for child to integrate the feelings of love and hostility to parents, to synthesize together the “good“ and “bad“ parties of mother, and there is a probability that he will grow up with feeling that it bad, is not worthy love, a burden to parents. And with mistrust will treat people, being afraid that it can be rejected, as in the childhood.
It should be noted that parental hyper guardianship, as well as authoritative education, is not always manifestation of the real care and love, and therefore does not exclude jamming of the person on “jealous“ children`s experiences. In other words, the relations of that person who grew in a family with the broken personal borders when parents left to the child few opportunities for development of independence can differ in sharpness of jealousy and rigidly controlled its actions. Constantly interfering in its personal space, they created a certain stereotype of behavior which the child, having become the adult, transfers to matrimonial life.
Strong jealousy is observed and when at the sliyanny, indulging relations the child perceives mother - the father as part of, the continuation. Then parents should not fulfilling at least once the requirement of the kid, “to be distracted“ by themselves or another matters as he will feel deprived and unfairly offended, will begin to be jealous of everything that “takes away“ from it parents. Such child refuses to admit that fact, for example, that mother is an also father`s wife, and the father has another, not tied on the child, relations with mother. And the birth of the second child in a family brings to the firstborn so painful experiences of jealousy that parents can sometimes hear: “Mother, carry it back in hospital“.
Such options of development mean, as in adulthood in the corresponding situation children`s experience of jealousy can recover and sadden the relations with the partner.
Many researchers, nevertheless, claim that they children`s jealousy, force of its manifestation depend not only on scale of the relations mother - the child, but also from temperament of the child. Besides, children`s experience of jealousy has no universal value and in process of a growing the situation can be reversed.
So, the jealous child can find a consolation in attention and care of the grandmother and over time to get rid of mistrust and hostility, for example, to mother occupied with care of other child. The child who comes to school with feeling of vigilance can gradually like trust to some teacher who is not allowing injustice in relation to children. At the same time it can overcome the jealousy and initial distrustfulness and to other adults.