What prevents to build the harmonious relations? About our illusions of
When the person does not undertake responsibility for all events, problems become aggravated, and circumstances are only aggravated. Of course, he sees it, notices. But so there is a wish to live in pleasure! Eventually, all are created for pleasure, but not for tortures! Also there is no other way to be happy as to think up the life.
Such method of “the solution of problems“ was taught by parents. For example, when created illusion of a happy family against house scandals and quarrels. And then pretended that everything is good. Children acquired these skills. Also got used to use them.
Actually, it turns out very harmoniously. Every moment consists from bad and good. And the person in certain cases does not want to notice bad. It as if places emphasis on good. “This remarkable property!“ - somebody will tell. Such “inoculation“ with experiences, from plokhosty life! However with such “inoculation“ ability to see really things is lost. With each deterioration antidote which helps not to see “bottom“ persistently is produced. As a result, life slides down, and the woman or the man are convinced that everything is normal.
And it was present at my life. After each quarrel there was reconciliation. And I thought: “Nevertheless it is good... So what if it humiliated me, offended, shouted. But loves! At once it is visible - not indifferent. And then, same in the nature of things when people swear. Ideal does not happen. And still he earns much. It is really so difficult to reconcile to its shortcomings!“ Comparison often helped: “Wons, at the girlfriend it is even worse. In general, every time shouts and does not earn so much, and loves it less! And my good“ Also it became very pleasant that my husband in something is better than the worst.
I rejoiced when we went somewhere, went to shops, communicated with friends. And internal knowledge, feeling that it is possible to live in a different way, rumpled the logical arguments.
I created illusions not only in the relations. Darling was a continuous invention too. I saw the remarkable sensitive father loving from the heart the husband, the worthy clever and strong man. In reality before me there was deeply defective person with total absence of own advantage, inadequate and aggressive, staying in the same delusions concerning itself and people around.
Separate point of illusions are so-called “podporochka“. Podporochki is a reassuring himself in order that struggles of life were easier to be worried. Podporochkami can also call search of the encouraging circumstances. For simpler understanding I will give examples. When I was thrown by the husband, I first of all began to look for the psychologist. In hope that it, the psychologist, will help me to endure all this (or even: will live for me). It was search of a podporochka, such “taburetochka“ which will support me that I did not fall that it was not so sick.
When the woman speaks to herself: “I am ready to suffer it only two years, and then everything will improve, will surely improve“, is an example of a podporochka too. Also here friends can carry situations when she runs to be cried to the girlfriend, and surely expects from them support. Or when the girl goes on any “healers“. Or any address to sects, suspicious communities. Even dependence on the psychologist can play a role of “podporochka“! And there is a lot more - many different examples. The most important is that psychological “taburetochka“ do not help to endure troubles at all! They only distance, defer need of personal changes. While the person thinks out for himself reassurings, the situation will proceed or even to worsen.
To improve the life, it is necessary to recognize at first the responsibility for the events. To see and realize the mistakes and imperfections . To forgive for them, sometimes to regret, condole and to surely accept itself. And then to begin to change. Consciously, effort of will to introduce in the life new behavior models instead of old.
Each of us can improve the life and the relations. And it is necessary to begin always with itself.