To be pleasant to others - art or manipulation?
were very lucky you if you with God`s and the parental help were born the person sociable, eloquent, easily meet with people, are able to convince, sincerely to empathize and understand. Speaking more simply - are charming since the birth.
It the road is always open and green light burns. Career, private life - everything is got on. And if it was not lucky if people around do not fade, you should open only a mouth, do not hurry to grant your desires and requests, so it is necessary to work. News is good: charm trains. Bad: on it time will be required.
So that should be changed in themselves that people around began to speak: “He(she) devilishly charming person! (With it) it is possible to deal with it!“?
1. Be natural! Sophia Loren, revealing secrets of charm, noticed that naturalness - guarantee of any success. Imitate nobody.
2. You learn to conduct conversation correctly. Phrases “clearly, everything is clear“ - not the best way to arrange the person. Better: “Oh, it is interesting! And what was farther?“. You look at the interlocutor “correctly“, that is in a zone of eyes, a nose, neck. An unwinking gaze directly in eyes - an atavism remnant. (So modern school students like to lead up teachers - while those tell off them, deliberately attentively, without blinking, look fool in the face until the unfortunate teacher is enraged... - comment of the psychologist.)
3. Let`s the person express! As all of us like to conduct parallel conversations, plainly without listening to each other. Pinch yourself when from desire to interrupt holds apart in a breast. Deeply inhale and slowly exhale. Concentrate on the narration.
4. Turn to people the best party - in literal sense. It is known that the person is arranged asymmetrically, at us even the parties of a profile differ from each other. One - is more nice and more benevolent, another - is gloomy and severe.
5. You learn to distinguish mood of others on a mimicry, gestures, poses. you incidentally spilled coffee on the colleague`s keyboard, and he instead of telling “Nothing, is“ - swears and waves hands? Stop! Find the empty room in office - accept the same pose, as the colleague, make the same face, and … you will understand its feelings at once. It will become right there clear to you what to it was to see the favourite “klava“ which is filled in with sticky liquid.
6. Forbid yourself “conflict“ phrases: “Nonsense! The nonsense is some!“. Discuss controversial issues quietly and kindly.
7. Train a beautiful smile.
It is useful for b to consider photos in which you smile - perhaps with addiction, considering asymmetry, you bend the person! And it pushes away. And still ask relatives to photograph you in anger, in dispute (only not to a nadavayta to them for it on a neck, for you try!) . Work with the person!
8. Sincerely be interested in affairs of other people. Having asked “How are you doing?“, listen to the answer. And do not answer negatively: “Nasty, as always“ or “So-so“. Better: “Perfectly, cheerfully, wonderfully!“. Only say it without call, and that you will acquire enemies - see, it is the best of all at it!
9. With the person satisfied with life, always and everything it is pleasant to communicate. But do not brag in collective excessively. Too successful with a reluctance choose in leaders. All of us want the head - the guy! Therefore even if at you all be hurt, think up a couple of problems - children disobedient, hooligans water every month the car with paint …
be not afraid to reveal, telling a story from own life. Without excessive revelations, but sincere.
10. At work the conflicts are inevitable. Having argued, friendly suggest to drink to tea.
11. Learn to praise people sincerely. As it is frequent, having noticed an excellent hairstyle of the colleague, a new suit which to it very much goes, we are silent. As if we do not notice. We think - to tell - not to tell. Act in an impulse rush - an excellent jacket, you all right! the Wonderful hairstyle! And here insincerity in compliments is far worse, than at all their absence.
12. Try to support the colleague to whom got from the chief: “All people are mistaken“ or “Let it will be your most terrible mistake in life“, or “in a similar situation I would become puzzled too“. Consider that you had a new ally.
13. Be able to recognize the mistakes even if (and the more so if) you the chief.
14. You keep equally exactly both with the boss, and with the cleaner of office. the Person cannot be charming when he is rude that who cannot answer.
15. Learn to send to interlocutors so-called “I - messages“, that is thoughts from the first person. do not declare to the colleague what the questions already got, it is better so: “When I am distracted, I am strongly irritated“. Instead of charge “All of you stir time by phone!“ hang up the announcement at office: “Talk on personal subjects is interesting to all of us! Speak louder!“
the Scheme of the correct address to the person looks so:
The description of behavior of other person (“When you …“)
the Description of the feelings and emotion (“I feel …“)
the Explanation why it is not pleasant to you...
the Description of your desire (“I want, that …“)
Like to be pleasant only to people - and the success is provided!