Love and hatred: always nearby?
- You will be mine, and I marry you! - my beloved declared once. We were not officially married though we before all positioned long ago ourselves the husband and the wife.
- But I did not agree … to me it was pleasant to
to feel by a row the persistent, “strong“ man who loves and tries to obtain the contrary to my desire. It was in my understanding the highest proof of the “real“ love.
- I will achieve the, and you will be my woman … - the man of my dream continued, without paying attention to my words.
In December registration of marriage and a honeymoon trip to Europe, warm in comparison with Siberia. But the foreign trip and the Greek hotel did not become a barrier to the next quarrel at all. Because it is impossible to escape from himself.
The husband constantly made a declaration of love, smiled and was sincerely happy. And these recognitions were opposite to me. Because I knew: costs though something it to offend, or to make something not so, and all love will evaporate!
Quarrel arose suddenly, from nothing, as always. I had a bad mood, and I did not pay attention to the husband. It was enough for emergence of claims which generated the conflict. Both of us are quick-tempered choleric persons - were lit about a floor - a turn and hotly continued. And the surprised Greeks had an opportunity to observe the real Russian scandal. The Mexican passions “had a rest“ in comparison with what we arranged! We something shouted, I sobbed, the husband was angry, thrown by things. Surrounding pictures flashed as comics. I vaguely remember everything that occurred. Such feeling that I was on the verge of insanity (and it, probably, too). But I well remember the pressing, intolerable pain inside …
the next morning the husband decided to approach and apologize. It looked as (its) loss. I pretended that I forgave (and it was my loss). And thoughts were tormented: why to me such man? Better one. But strong feelings always won against my sensible reason.
- Tell me that I am necessary to you, take pity, and I will calm down. And differently to you it will be worse, you see what I become when you do not tell it?
I did not want to see nearby the man who affords such behavior. But for the safety - physical and mental (and actually, from - for fear to lose it) - I admitted that I need it:
- Yes, you is necessary to me …
Was in a disgusting way. The next time for the sake of love I betrayed myself.
- And why I am necessary to you?
- Well … (inside everything turns over) because... I love you, you are dear to me.
of the Word of recognitions were fixed by “blood“ - it was necessary to represent passion also in sex … it is simple to
to guess that both of us needed continuous confirmation of the necessity. In these relations we loved each other and hated at the same time. Hated during the moments when the love was felt not so strongly as there was a wish. We could not live separately, but it was together even heavier.
Why our love brought us so many tortures? And in what cases the love means sufferings?
The love brings sufferings to those who are not able to love. The one who is able to love does not suffer from
. He just gives the love and rejoices when its feelings accepted.
What means to be able to love?
It means to love without rage when you were rejected. And sincerely to wish good luck to darling even if he with another (with another).
to be able to love is more to give, than to take.
to be able to love - nothing means to expect instead of the feelings. Not to need feeling of necessity or any others. But to appreciate itself and the feelings (and feelings of darling). And if they were not accepted, to leave, not to be spent in vain.
It means - to love contrary to, but not for something.
When you are able to love, you rejoice to the feelings. You do not think of what to you was made badly, but you think of how badly not to make to darling.
In love does not have revenge, there is no offense, there is no rage and hatred. Only the easy disappointment can visit the disappointed love.
If you love yourself, then you are able to love also other person. If you need love, you are not able to love.
The true love can come only to the person who does not need it. Become such person, and the love will come to you!