How the pregnant man behaves?
(the small essay in style of - zhi Rubina)
as if spontaneously and casually the women`s company, whether it be the eighth of March or birthday of Lenin, always after the third glass of champagne gathered (the second liter of beer, the fourth glass of cognac - necessary to emphasize) the speech about husbands comes. Such concerto for a piano with an orchestra which usually begins the easy colourful overture about a petty intrigue of one on an office party and outgrows in moshchneneyshy solo percussions on the penultimate storyteller who prepared documents for divorce. Intonational pauses between offices of a concert are filled with hissing of the same champagne (beer gurgle, cognac modulations …). And at this moment on me direct the looks which a little are justly angered, eager for severe justice, expecting finishing, destroying, terrible on publicistic pathos and an emotional peresolennost, a chord. At this peak of passions me begins to seem to
that here with the same burning eyes revolting souls, the rising breasts … or grudm … not an essence - but with such mood probably revolutionaries went to take the Winter Palace. And that all this charming company with banners like “All men are goats!“ it was not thrown on a gain of some night club, I begin to broadcast.
- And my husband, - it is necessary to speak quietly, quietly, having tasty dragged on a sigarette with menthol so that in a ball of the let-out smoke the intense silence rang out, - my husband - the astounding father!
I when, revolted with the universal evil in faces of husbands, the lady are brought down about a pantalyka new introduction, it is possible to start easy chatter of a postconcert buffet reception.
- And more true will be to tell - Avtets. Recently my husband bought the new Car …
the boy is going to Become Avtts since the earliest childhood. All its machines, from the most old, got from the elder brother, to the brand new, received in New year, are always involved in game. Any does not remain unattended: the truck filled by cubes rushes through a corridor, peeling wall-paper on turns, the car beaten by life without wheels is treated on HUNDRED, arranged in a mother`s slipper, and brand new A4 Audi comprehends elements of kaskadersky art and aeronautics in flight from the seventh floor. The boy thinks over destiny of each machine, worries about everyone, gently loves everyone. And in the evening when machines sleep in the box, and the boy gets into the bed, in the semi-dozing future Avtts`s imagination pictures of what will be his real machines … by
Good, responsible Avtets never are drawn will buy the car incidentally. The real Avtets carefully plans everything. Of Avttsovstvo the young man makes the first test on healthy in driving school where teach, besides, a peculiar “young Avtts`s course“, strengthening already powerful by nature, instinctive ability of the man to be Avtts.
The longer the man visits driving school, the more often the sensitive woman begins to notice how eyes of her man at a view of cars light up. Big and small, business - a class and minicars, black and white - all of them cause feeling of affection and easy envy in the man. The sensitive woman, being even late for very important action, will never straighten out the man if he indecisively approaches on the street the newly appeared Avttsu lovingly wiping lobovik the brand new machine and will ask something it seems “Long ago took? How many eats? And winter on thorns you will take rubber or you will put on a flypaper?“. And when the planning Avtets will return to the companion, continually looking back at the neighbour`s machine, the sensitive woman is simply obliged to share his enthusiasm: “You saw?! Videla, what eyes at it?! And mirrors with the electric drive - they are so charmingly bulged!“
I here comes the moment when the inspired man sees two treasured stripes on the credit decision! When, pressing to a breast the magazine “the CAR. From hand to hand“, he rushes after work into the apartment and by the voice which settled with happiness tells the darling - expensive!! we will have a car!!!
From this hour all life of a family is subordinated only to desires and future Avtts`s needs. The loving woman has to reconcile to the fact that now all talk at supper will be only about the car that on a bedside table the Babel tower from automagazines will be built and that at first will rock to sleep the man in public transport. The woman needs to understand at once that all entertainments in which before the spouse with pleasure indulged together on a waiting time of the car have to be forgotten because all free time (as well as money) will leave on visit of motor shows and shops where the family expecting replenishment will buy given for the machine - rubber and oils, shampoos and various rags, special brushes for bathing and … and!. and!! And Perish the thought the woman to be indignant concerning the thirteenth fir-tree - skunks for salon! The similar remark can make the man, vulnerable during this period, cry! And, of course, having collected all courage, the woman has to not yawn at least, and ideally - to represent the most live interest and to endure the same sincere throwings at the choice of covers: “Well, the pussycat what it is better - long-haired black or short-haired indigo?“. And if the yawn everything is was noticed, then scandal is provided. Nostrils of the man are inflated from indignation, pupils extend, and visitors of shop begin to look back at a shrill soprano: “To you that, all the same?!?! Same! Ours!! CAR!!!“. Even the most loving and sensitive woman will never be able to endure those emotions which overwhelm at this time future Avtts therefore to avoid a sexual strike from his party, it is necessary to be rehabilitated immediately: take his hands in the, with sincere tenderness look it fool in the face (having noticed what set of covers is cheaper) and it is tender, with aspiration tell it: “Let`s take short-haired indigo. I always imagined our first machine in such covers“.
in process of approach of day of a meeting with the long-awaited machine, the man becomes more and more sentimental and alarmed. Displaying the pictures sent from the auction or dealer company on a table, the man is not tired to comment: “It is my girl in Japan … And it - you only look! auction leaf!. And here my baby already in Vladivostok, still a little bit and she will become a checkpoint …“. And when future Avtets, having propped up a cheek a hand, turns a pensive eye with words “now it already goes to a ceiling on railway. In total some one thousand kilometers separates it from me!“, then even the woman,
until with concentration planing Russian salad can shed a few tears.
the Last days of expectation - the heaviest. The car can arrive at any time therefore the man has to be prepared in advance: to warn the chief that, perhaps, it is necessary to be washed away urgently from work, to buy products and alcohol for Avtts`s meeting of the house, to strive on checkup and special number. Should not surprise the woman that the man often wakes up at night, to allegedly drink waters, - in his soul there is the most difficult work densely based on an anticipation of a meeting and some confusion, uncertainty in the forces now. The woman can encourage the kind word the native person, having assured that he will understand everything and will cope with everything. The man will estimate it.
News that the car came can find the woman anywhere - at work, in the stomatologist`s office, on protection of the degree project … Whatever important and urgent was action as soon as the woman hears in a tube a native, joyful, emaciated voice with long-awaited news, it has to rush immediately home and prepare for a meeting. However it is impossible to forget about that emotional heat which is tested now by Avtets - it is necessary to call constantly him and though you can help nothing and much just you do not understand, have to answer everything: “Everything will be excellent! I wait for you!“. It is difficult for woman to understand that the accumulator could sit down at a long way in the car or become dusty salon. The man, even if he is a born alarmist, then he is the same born Avtets therefore his task to comprehend science Avttsovstva, and the woman`s task - to set the table, to ring round relatives and to wait home.
In the first days the woman has to reconcile to the fact that the center of the Universe was displaced on the car. But let it does not afflict her - gradually everything will return into place and understanding that from now on you three will come: with friends to the country, in holiday and just on shops you will always get out now to Altai together. For now it is necessary to treat quietly the doubled number of autoeditions, infinite talk of the husband by phone with the father (and you when your car came, it changed oil at once? Perhaps you will come tomorrow, you will look?) . And still - all free evening when the machine which was tired in a day dozes quietly in garage, enthusiastic Avtets will knock on the keyboard, pouring out all the pleasure in a forum of some avenirovod. And the role of the woman will be reduced to periodically to give phlegmatic “akhkhkh“ on the next superimportant question: “Cool my machine on an avatar looks, and? Look, headlights blink!“. Or: “How you think, a lineechka in the form of the route - it is not too banal?“.
A then, having embraced in a bed and having adjusted on a playful harmony, to again listen to his trembling whisper: “You know, I felt, felt that it already came! I so worried! And it stood on station, and was so cold to it!“.
And, nevertheless, emergence in a family of the iron firstborn is one of the most important and fine events. And even for the woman so far from all Avttsovsky feelings, there are at least three positive moments: in - the first, now the woman more than ever can be proud of the man and their machine; in - the second, the man`s relation to the car can become the litmus piece of paper showing fatherly qualities; and in - the third, the woman has privilege to ring round girlfriends, to gather in a cozy vegetable marrow and at the height of a feast and intensity of emotions, to tell happily and with satisfaction:
- And my husband - the astounding father!