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We, create, the fact that...

the Diary of reality
“We, create, the fact that …. “

Hello all! All that who wants to improve who wants to understand who wants to love who lost hope or that who does not want to lose it and even that who now just has nothing to do. I long to it went, but quickly came to some moment, I to nobody and never it, and am my thoughts and my passable way, told. I was always afraid that I will not be understood and from me to turn away, for any of several reasons. You ask why I now suddenly decided? There is a lot of answers, but first of all I am not afraid, for the first time in life I do and I am not afraid because I found what never I will lose any more! I do it for those who need it, I do it for those who got confused in the thoughts, I do it for those who do not understand and blindly ignores something that to it it is perhaps expensive, I do it for those at whom the way only begins and perhaps they will understand as to pass it, will understand and will not make those mistakes which were made by me. I do it for those to whom it is bad now and I sparking want to help them. I do it for this purpose that the sun shone brighter, and people smiled! I do it because for the first time I want to be uttered and exempt myself from this burden, and I do it because, I Love. Still the reasons to bring are possible much, but the essence will remain an essence, I do it sincerely and in all sincerity.

Before beginning, I want to bring some clarities. First, excuse me for my French, I know that there are people to whom words with mistakes cut thought from read. I always had a three and on bigger I did not pull and I had no desire at that time, but now not about it. Secondly, I want to apologize for the moments where you will lose thought or will see not joining of my thoughts. I am not a poet, and I am not a writer and moreover for all that time that I live, I read only five books. But, it does not mean that I am silly, each person is unique in what that. I a lot of things know, I a lot of things am able, in my brain there is a lot of information as useful and not really. So it developed that I get all the knowledge from life, but not from textbooks. I will not tell you and to convince you that I know and that I am able, me, is sufficient to know it, and I do not need to prove it. In the third besides that I want to tell you a story of the life, I will also express the opinion on this or that situation, or on this or that moment to what I came in years and what I understood now, the feelings and the emotions and many other things. But, I do not impose anybody the opinion and moreover, I very much want that to everything written, you took a jaundiced view, it is only all my opinion and my history. I sacredly believe that the person has to understand, realize and accept with a pure and precise mind. Someone, can not agree with my point of view, someone he will tell it is not right, let and it is even correct, everyone comes to the opinion and it is not important whether imposed it this opinion or he to it came, it is important that this his opinion, is its choice and to it with it to live.

Earlier, I thought that words not to overpersuade and not to set people on a right track correct. I always considered that life for us does it that life us tests that life teaches us to everything, to feel pain and pleasure, to test errors which We will not correct any more and to test all that surrounds us. But I was mistaken, oh as I was mistaken, in life we a lot of things are told how to do that or it, to us a lot of things are imposed and a lot of things are rubbed day by day, and We do it. Someone, in all sincerity, someone without thinking, someone to whom it is favorable, someone for money, someone just considers that he is cleverer than this or that person, someone thinks that he saw more in this life, than other person, and someone just like that because it is talkative. And as well as who imposes those to us, we scoop this information that without noticing and without understanding, and not important good it is information or bad, in advantage it or on a turn is worse to make, but an essence, we scoop it.

the Brain, scientists everything study it and study and that as a result? Yes anything, only guesses and conjectures. I consider that a brain, it in not our understanding, just it is not given us as well as many other things are not given. If we learn everything, about everything that then, and nothing. Also, if We learn that life still where that is what will be what to change? I think that nothing to change, We in scoop this information, we will talk a little and we will continue our life.

of People, is a cover with different ingredients and first of all with a brain which completely operates us, it in a varying degree emits these or those hormones, depending on a situation. It also accepts information which to it is provided, to learn a verse to us what it is necessary? We should repeat it several times and he will remember, and for the rest, We constantly impose to ourselves that that and as a result, he remembers. All the rest in an organism, it to live. But I believe what in the person is still that that, I believe what is above a brain still that the fact that it is one many more important. If to adhere to spiritual belief, then god did not create the world just like that and would not create us just a darkness, start up it it will be roughly told by robots that we just moved on this life. No, all seems to me not just like that, said to us that the world, regenerated many times that the world, erased itself and engendered anew and if it so, then it first of all does not surrender and it has a belief, and time is belief then we can, we can become someone who will be more than a person and then we learn what is above our brain.

If to adhere to the theory of a house, was explosion and the particle arose and what before explosion? Emptiness? And when we are empty, we the body, without emotions and feelings as the same robots is simple. So can to emptiness bothered, to be empty. And it, having collected in itself all forces, created explosion which generated everything, when we gather in every way, we can too, we can overcome all that blocks to us. It is possible when emptiness understands what at it did not turn out, to create that, it erases everything and creates anew and time it creates, trusts, so we can. We only need belief, same as well as at it. But and if to adhere to the theory of eternity, that in eternity always everything arose and died away, and no, to it the beginning and the end, it is possible, the eternity gives us a small fragment for what and time it gives it, means is in what belief or it gives chance to what the fact that above our brain that ourselves solved what there will be our belief. I will tell honestly, I have no belief from where we why? Because I do not know from where we, and time I do not know, I cannot trust! I consider

Ya that We should not impose to people that as we not a single whole. In us is that that general, some common features, but We not a single whole, We different, at us are the different concepts different of thinking, different beliefs, different feelings and different thoughts. We do not know what actually people, we do not know what this person wants and that feels. We perfectly know what a time of people, itself does not know what it wants and that he feels. Likely, just at this moment, in the person emptiness, that. And that that over his brain, we will call it soul, has to gather and again blow up. It is necessary to speak, but it is necessary to tell the correct words, words of support, just kind words, but not to impose to the person, any point of view and besides, it at all different. Not important as We consider, for the good it or not, it is first of all our point of view. I also consider, it is not necessary to speak to the person, as if we arrived, in this or that situation, first of all it is our act and our choice and it is not necessary to impose him. Also, it is not necessary to say to the person that we when what was not made, and now, very much are sorry about it, we did not make it and we missed the chance, we any more never learn what would be and if so. Reconcile to it if each person could change, change something the fact that he missed, you just present for a second what would be, it simply does not go in. I think, there would be a real Groundhog Day and precisely without the happy end and if it is honest, then and the end would not be. I consider that when to the person it is bad or he does not know the answer, on the occurring reasons, he should just be supported, the kind word, kind actions. I think when around it also nothing is kind from this that would be imposed, the person would make the correct decision and on it never would regret also to it, it was not necessary to impose then what he would like to change and make that he did not make. At a difficult moment for the person, near him, there have to be people their simple support and their kindness.

Principles and conviction. I realized that all this is imposed and ourselves create. Each person has different principles, both according to contents and on force. PEOPLE!!! The principles, We restrain first of all ourselves, and then others. We sacredly believe that our principle it for the good of us, no, no and no, the principle, destroys our brain and deprives of us what that, deprives of us let 10, start up 20 minutes of life it at us but takes away, and at some and all life. Many will tell that because of the principles it is happy and does not suffer, but as you can think so if you do not know that or as would be, in this or that situation without having shown to you the principle. No, you do not know and do not learn, you can only guess and what is a guess? And it nothing, is a baby`s dummy in our life, in one guess, we can think of what that good, or of some hope, in another, we will be sad, and without hope. But the fact, this guess, also to evaporate from our life, as well as that moment where we showed the principle, having shown the principle, we lost a piece of life and not important bad it would be or good, the fact that sooner or later the person is sorry about the principles is important.

Ya understood what you should not guess, make or make, you should not count, this or that option. First of all, it is necessary to clear the reason, of all this, and then the fact that above my brain, my soul, it will make the decision. If I come to what should be made, then having cleaned all principles and with pure spirit, I will make it, and turn if I receive not that expected, I will safely forget it if I receive about what I hoped, then my thoughts will be free and pure. If I do not make it, then I can guess all life and what would be if I made, and it is worse than that, there are no guarantees that in the future I will strongly regret what I did not make.

K to what I all this, and not only it, and still and realized many other things that I understood. It I, and it I which was full contrast told. Everything that I wrote before and that I will write still, all the thoughts and all the of understanding, were completely opposite to me and all did not need to be done, all this was, but I did not give up, I that who am I is also I will not be sorry about the past. Pity not only a sign of weakness, pity is the same emptiness. I, it I and everyone I individually, I is the one who I am is. My name is Alexey and in my further history, it will be the only real name, and all others if are, then they will be fictional. I will Shortly tell

the childhood and the biography. At the moment I am 30 years old, I was born in an ordinary family, but now I can tell about confidence that not safe, I have a family the brother, but his history will not be mentioned by me, he creates it. I will tell only that we are absolutely two contrasts in everything, the difference at us in two years it is more senior, we have different fathers. Mother gave birth to me in 20 years, at that time I had a father and there was he with us approximately about my 5 years, and then he left, to be exact even left. It was sea and often went to swimming, practical everything that I know about it, according to mother. Further, I will touch upon a subject about my father.

Lived we one family, the grandmother, the grandfather, mother, the mother`s sister, the brother and I. As I understood according to mother`s stories, her life was strongly affected by the grandmother, she always said to it as it is correct both as it is not correct and as I understood, my father left because of the grandmother. He called with himself mother, and frankly speaking I do not know why she refused and she likely plainly does not know. I do not remember the childhood therefore in memory I do not have it, there are of course short pictures, but it is not enough of them. Mother told that I still that mischievous person was, for me an eye yes an eye was necessary. I remember told how I at the teacher in a garden pulled down a gold watch and presented them to small fishes in an aquarium that it was more beautiful there. As that on sleepy hour while teachers sunbathed on a roof, I lifted all children, dragged them to the hall, itself sat down at a piano, and children around went. Once so far all children slept, I collected all shirts and decided to wash them and often on sleepy hour I escaped and hid in a toy cardboard lodge while all looked for me, I safely there fell asleep. Generally, to my mother got making up for me. In the childhood I sang when I fell asleep, and still I shook and as it only is clear to me to my mother and one more person, I will explain. When went to bed, I began to shake, it looks so, laying down sideways, I all over begin to do as if to a floor somersaults and if even more available language, if costing it you will make to a floor a turn both back and so without stopping in one party and then in another only lying and so on knurled. And only in youth I was told from where I have this habit when I was born, my father, roofing felts bought, roofing felts made a bed which could be swung, and for the rest I think guess. If it is honest, this habit remained to this day, no, I do not shake every time when I fall asleep, I only occasionally can do it when I sleep. Since the childhood I very much like to dream, and I huge and with it problems had in due time no imagination. In fact, my way began with youth, at school I too often played pranks, well nothing of that kind bad, ordinary children`s mischief. Years in twelve, I already completely gave myself to the street, to mother had especially no time for us, then it worked and tried to adjust private life and I do not blame her for it. No, you do not think, I did not indulge in theft, violence or drugs, no, was enough for me to observe it from outside and turn, to look was where. I indulged to subjects, more interesting to me, and it is the technician, the electronic engineer and so on.

At that time, mother found to herself the new man and it was pleasant to us, in their private life we did not climb and did not understand then yet anything. They for many years tried to improve the relations, but as a result dispersed. Those years, at us at the first in the house appeared video the tape recorder and what, at first electronics, and then at once and jvc, the first had a personal computer 286 Olivetti who knows that will understand, the first had a dandy prefix and so on. It is fine that that I already far left. Where that in fourteen years, I had already the moped, and good, around sixteen I already had the motorcycle, garage and the computer and that I want to tell all this for own money. You ask, and from where I have money and in such years, I will answer you that at this age I learned force of lies and deception. Yes, I earned money with lies, deception and cunning, my mind already allowed me to these to be engaged. Then, I still bragged of it that all work hands, and I the head. I even deceived the friend which I considered at that time, to running on before in the future me it will halloo. I will not tell as well as what I did, and that the story will stretch for long pages. Houses were eternal scandals and shouts, then I especially did not think of them, but everything was on my eyes, all scandals, all fights, imprinted in my head. My brother, went on an inclined plane and all attention switched to it, and I was provided to myself and in fact then it was pleasant to me, money was, than to be engaged too was and with whom to walk too. All this did not spoil me then, except lies of course, I will run on before, it to me hallooed in the future too. Everything began with the first kiss and with it and all my epic began.

Kissed for the first time, I where that am closer by fourteen years, before of course there were views of girls, but it was that that very children`s and naive. The first time I liked the girl of years in eleven, I then in camp was, we with her walked and even met few times, then, in not camp. In the same place in camp, I paid attention, and then and got acquainted with other girl and in the same place in camp, I saw a breast at more adult girl, about I then was so excited. Then we with my acquaintance visited one girl, he too in camp got acquainted with her, it then to both was pleasant to us and to be remembered to me, in those days I showed still interest in one girl to whom interest and my friend of that time also showed, both of us around it then ran. All right, we will return to a kiss, it occurred is banal, probably as well as there is it in the childhood, but I will tell you, pretty professionally, I shocked was, I thought that it should study. Over time I understood that all this is done on a miscellaneous and that not at all it turns out. After the first kiss, I began to turn more attention to girls, I began to look at them on another, I do not know probably so at all occurs. I with one kissed, then with another, then with the third and then at me other thoughts, and other desires already began to appear. Closer by fifteen years, I got acquainted with the girl who was more senior than me for three years.

It became the first, we will call it …. yes, it is so difficult to me to call the girl by other name, even when I do not remember it. Let there will be Ira. Business was for new year, I first was afraid a little, and then Bach, I even understood nothing. Generally, I communicated to it a little more and forgot, by the way I still will return to a subject about it. There passed a little time, and on the horizon there was it, I want anything to tell about it bad and anything I do not blame her for because I create the life, but I think, all my main changes, began with it. It appeared not from where and quickly came into the view, behind it one my acquaintance began to court and she reciprocated to him. As that in the fine evening, we sat on a shop and as my acquaintance did not give a great interest to girls, he it strongly did not bother, I gathered home, and he asked me, you all the same home take it, I saw off, and from this point we have all and began. We met, walked, kissed, embraced, then I began to get more deeply, then began to hint at that. And now, I will tell you to what I cannot offer the explanation when I began to meet it, she was the virgin and when I with it the first time was engaged in it, I was the third.

sometimes life surprises Me, I sometimes think that brains to us to move a body, but not to think of what we do, and are done by all of us on the automatic machine as it is programmed. All right we will return, one fine day I with it quarreled and we walked on gawks, next day I come to it home, I at that time had remarkable relations with her mother, and incidentally learn that home it came at daybreak, under the pressure of my pressure, she with a tear tells me, a pier walked, walked, then he called me to himself home, and it, is the mutual friend who at that time met her girlfriend, further, we as if sat, sat, and then Bach, and it is ready, welcome to the adult world. At that moment, I for the first time felt pain to which pain I cannot get used and which I cannot master to this day.

With pain, in my life is connected much, I will come back to a subject pain more than once. I do not know it was lucky me or not, but I have a fast svorachivayemost of blood and as doctors therefore I plainly also do not feel physical corporal pain told me, it I about cuts now or that that in this spirit. As that in the childhood, I walked with the dog, I will deviate from a subject again, I want to tell that my dog I still will return to a subject and it will be one of the main subjects, about what exists. And so, while washing dogs walked, I climbed a roundabout, such big round, the truth a roundabout floor at that time was not any more, and rolled a floor of its part. I climbed climbed and crashed down, got up, shook off and I feel that that pinches from time to time, I left a dog with the neigbour who walked with the dog too and went home. Houses, parents that that was noted with guests, generally were under a shafa, I went to a bathtub, took off a jacket and about the sir (people with weak mentality, a request to pass this moment) before me such picture, on the left hand, is direct on that place where the main of a forearm muscle, I have a broken-off hole, 4 centimeters wide on 4. For the first time, I saw human interiors as blood was not in general, the wound was ideally pure, I completely saw the to a muscle, the meat with ideally pure pigeon a shade, all right I will hush up the inventory. At this moment mother comes into a bathtub, I as will remember this hysterics, to me even badly to become, me in hysteria put on a sofa, and all amicably begin to rush on the apartment, to and fro, to and fro. Remembered well as people in panic look. All right, sewed up, stuck, collected, then at mother, I asked and why when the brother unstitched a leg he squealed like a stuck pig, and and is painful to me not droplets was not what she answered that I shocked was. Yes, to know I to this day shocked by the wounds if I begin to consider all the scars on a body, them it will be obvious under one hundred, I have on a face them only five, and two of them near an eye. That the strangest if them to connect all, then to turn out one continuous, semicircular scar, through all person from above of an eye and to a lip, is generally strange as that turned out taking into account what I received them in different places and different time.

Yes, with pain which physical at me everything was normal. But and moral or it is possible to tell sincere, it that with what, then, I still it did not bother. All right I will continue, generally I under calmed down, reconciled and we began to meet further. As that time, I solved I will present flowers and I will not just present, and I will complicate a situation. At that time, I did not develop in myself the extraordinary moments and acts yet, it began a little later. And so, I personally projected a bouquet, to me it was collected, the huge basket with flowers turned out, it is very beautifully decorated. I go to it to school, the director of studies comes across to me, and she very well remembers me, still. I ask it to help, we go to a class there where the girl was engaged, the director of studies comes into an office, I naturally hide, and says that it is of course failure already of a lesson, well is fine, hands it flowers. At this moment the girl stood at a board and just at this time answered on neud. Neud did not deliver to it as it would look as discontent, I run to it the lady at this time and I wait for it. Having come home and having seen me she speaks: You what with an oak failed! Yes girls, I laugh and I pay, here five such delights on a gift, safely can forget about gifts with all the heart! It seems to me, on extremely measure I speak for myself when you are given that that, not important flowers or a gift, it is necessary just to smile and show, and it is the best of all to feel that pleasure with which the gift was chosen or flowers were bought.

As that one fine day, her mother leaves with spending the night somewhere and she calls me to herself, I on pleasures resort to it, well and in hope that here, already. The call to a door, came the person, besides the mutual friend and it was much more more senior than me and it, he called her to talk, about the girl who threw it this girl was her girlfriend. Then, he asked it to go with him that she called his ex-girlfriend and there that that. She gathered, told that she will come now. There passed hour, passed two, passed three, passed four I already slept, came hours at 6 in the morning, I heard, went to bed in other room. In the afternoon, besides under my pressure, and besides with a tear, it says to me that he raped her! Here if I used foul language, and I am not matted, well can only very seldom in the company, exclusively male or when it is very excited, but at girls. I would tell so many new words to you, at you not only ears in a tubule were curtailed, they simply would come unfastened. For some reason now remembered the story Fervent, about Spaniards and the American destroyer, listen very ridiculously, and about the man, a campaign behind bricks. I in general before Fervent respected, the truth already is not present, but I will not be about it.

At that moment, I tore and threw, I so strongly became puzzled and did not know what to do, and again this not stood pain. But when I calmed down and learned an essence yes business, everything in me was changed. And an essence of this fable such is when do not substitute the girl a knife and do not intimidate verbally, and just persistently move apart legs and it, at this moment is silent, there is nothing does not think, tries to understand nothing, it having closed eyes just it suffers. I do not know, can at that time I was not is right and I can was mistaken. I remembered the mother, and I know when she what that does not want, she will fight to death, she is a fighting woman, though fragile. At that time, she already steadily fought, with likely my so-called stepfather, she so spoiled him, mother my dear. Itself, personally, saw as it on his head, Soviet style on in half broke hangers. Some horror! All right, we will lower lyrics, further it to me began to lie, lie and be caught more and more on lies, and practical at the same time. Lovely ladies, to be exact even people if you do not umt to lie, then do not lie, not yours and turn it to me, it also is not necessary for you. If we, made that bad, first of all it is our fault, but not that person to whom we lie, and turn, better to say the truth, than to tell lies and then also to be caught on it, it in twins is more sick. All right, we will return to lies too.

Ya already began to change and understand that you will change nothing, with the next lies I began to become hysterical and then, in me one of the worst lines in the person arose. In me the jealousy arose, you will not believe as long I struggled with it in the future. I became hysterical, I was jealous, as a result she says to me that we leave. As it was a pity for me how it was painful to me, so many times betrayed me, and then also threw! And for her mother, I for some reason became bad at once. After all this, the principle sat down at me, I was sure that more you should not approach the girl`s parents. I will not go into details, my youthful sufferings, but still we will return to this girl.

At that time, I was seventeen years old, I bought the car, took driving test, then it was still possible to hand over in seventeen. Waited when the birthday, mine eighteen-year-old knocks. A birthday, I already also do not remember what is it, I will tell honestly, a birthday I noted the last approximately in thirteen years. I even managed few times about it to forget how that at work, I then caught a cold and the workmate says to me also Lech as that is lousy to ache on a birthday, I to it on what birthday, and you have it a birthday, I tomorrow, and well probably. Or here, not long ago I zalazat on schoolmates, and there the inscription blinks at me tomorrow the birthday, pancake precisely one more stick can be added. Can on it, I do not think of the years. As I do not bother in the afternoon the birth, I respectively and strangers do not remember. Many took offense at me, and did not understand how so, I do not remember, and moreover I cannot remember. People sometimes in a stupor arrived when asked date of birth of my Mother, and I take phone at this time and I call her, I ask date its birthday, it that got used to it. As that time, I then was in Japan, I strained memory, not deductions determined by deductions date hammered in phone not to forget. Day came, I joyful call mother, I tell mother with day the birth you, she, thanks to you the sonny for congratulations, only you in the same day in a month once again congratulate all right. Here such here problems, with dates at me. Also and problem with names.

Is fine, to me knocks eighteen years, I rush, I acquire the rights, all on a horse, officially. The back became numb, and time already three o`clock in the morning. I am by the way an owl, and on life, I long time managed till three four in the night to walk, and then for work to 9, but it in more best times. The first work, at me appeared just in eighteen years and practical at once as took the wheel. Work to me this was found and offered by my so-called stepfather, still do not know, to tell thanks to him or still that that. I never and told nobody it! And it is known by only a few people. Accepted him I on acquaintance, in firm of leisure, for those who does not know, well so suddenly everyone happens, this that place where people of different floors and different orientations, sell the body for money. No, do not think not correctly, arranged not with the boy on a call, and they at that time already began to appear, arranged with the driver. Frankly speaking, I not really want to remember these moments from life, there I so much saw enough that at the normal person not to go in, I so much learned about the party of this life, I so much tested so far there worked, and I in this sphere worked not a lot of many two years. These two years were enough with it is full that to completely change me, for these two years, and guns to the head substituted me and guns directed to me, beat me, both bandits, and valorous militia, I apologize police. I saw debauchery and violence, lesbians and blue and is even gray the drill of driven in. All right, give one after another, at that time, I forgot about the ex-girlfriend for a long time, forgot as a bad dream. I met already another, we will call her Vick, in principle I met it not long and though it was young, I understood that I not the first at it. As a result with it I was not late and in a month another dropped out of its sight, at that time I was very angry on a female so it is possible to tell that I just satisfied the requirements.

U me there was new life and new work as work was profitable money were always and not small. In my life there were new people and new girls, girls understand what. In those days, I began to open in myself talent of communication and at me it well it turned out. And learned what I saw, for operating time in this sphere, completely changed, my thinking and representation something, I saw life from a reverse side. I will not tell you, all that occurred and what I saw, I will just tell you, turn it is not necessary to you, this that dark part of the life which was generated by us, people. Every month, I scooped information from life more and more, generally I was surrounded only by girls of easy behavior and moreover, they sometimes tried to receive from me, the requirements. I will tell directly, girls were different and in some of them, was even that light that good, someone life imparted to it, compelled someone, and someone just like that because to be pleasant eternal spirit. As time, happened what I could not expect at all, the person on work, told me that it is necessary to take away the girl who wants to get a job, gave the address where she will wait and I went. I do not know how my person looked while saw stoyashcheyu at a stop and zhdushcheyu me the girl. You remember, I told that we will return to that girl with whom I for the first time overslept, and so, it was she. I do not remember what then occurred in my head, shock can, and simple surprise, but the fact can that once again in me that that clicked, it was. There passed time, everything went as went, I worked and walked, met girls, in principle with whom worked with the same, spent money and about the past as well as of the future did not think. I also still, deceived people and already more girls.

Once, on the horizon appeared it, she contacted me also that at which I was the first, but became the third. I saw in her eyes and understood that it did not find, anything light during this time, found nothing the best what at it was. As it, was still young, she did not realize the fact that what I tested so far we were in the place, it changed me and not in its advantage. Having used a situation, I several times it seized, I do not know that it was, the small revenge can, and the requirement can just. She realized that there is no that boy Alexey any more, and having reconciled disappeared. I nevertheless still will return to its subject, but the emphasis will be on life. Then I also learned that the girl which I met when got a job, married on a zaleta, and then and razoshlas. In the future, all these moments, they gave a lot of things to me, let know and realize.

Went time, passed just these two years, I incidentally got acquainted with the girl thanks to whom I also changed a job, no, I did not meet it, she was a girl, then already likely not the friend, but the person of which I lost mine too. New work, was connected with cars and as it was pleasant to me, I very quickly joined this work. Began to appear the girl and not easy behavior though past echoes still were present. In principle, perhaps from this point my eagerness also began, to get acquainted and sleep with all. With each new girl, I was more self-assured. In the neighbourhood with work, there lived a girl will call it Sveta as she was a virgin, I strongly in her party did not strain, and strained towards her girlfriend. Quickly enough I with it overslept then I told sorry, but everything, having hurt it it very much. In the future I and with the girl Sveta overslept. As far as I know, she to this day, and now she is married and she has a child whom through the mutual friend I see very seldom, tells me what wants to meet.

I did not go To army, at that time I already left the house and rented to myself apartment. Mother called me, said that I am looked for from a military registration and enlistment office. Then, me was what to lose, I had a work, money and therefore I decided that it is necessary to deal with it. Way out were found, there were channels, I paid money, and I had a military ID.

On work, I should have gone to Japan over time, trips usually lasted for three months. About Japan I will tell too because I caused a stir also there, in total, I spent four years there. As that, I was going to Japan and I should buy a film, having found a stall of Kodak, then they still stood on the city. I saw the girl, the shop assistant who so lovely smiled to me, I thought and why I am not present! And probably my first acquaintance in which I was not banal I tell it to it, the girl you know, I am a person good and clever, but with equipment at me war. Of course, it was simple lies, I was always on familiar terms with equipment, it was given me thanks to my stepfather, he is a professional of radio engineerings, I received a lot of things from it in this direction, just as in the direction with computers for what to it human thanks. Well and so, she begins to explain to me as in to insert a film, in reply I say to it that that I not really in it, and let`s meet we after work, I will take the camera and you will help me, and I to you flowers. I had three days to Japan, in the last day I with it overslept and when returned from Japan, met it once again then disappeared.

One fine day, I listened to radio, there was some competition. The girl called we will call her Nastya after there took place the competition it left on air number of a pager (for those who does not know, it is the device on which you throw off messages by means of the operator). There passed week, I remembered number, and can even I specially waited time. I throw off messages of such plan, hi how are you where was gone, call back to me, number such that. As everything was further, number I left the acquaintance, it has phone with number determinant, she calls, number is defined, say to her that I am busy. Then, I recognize its address by number, at that time it was already possible to be done with the help of the computer. I ask the familiar girl that she gave flowers to this address, well and for one looked at appearance. Here so we also got acquainted, in blind and by phone, probably we for about a month communicated by phone, communicated long hours, told about ourselves described ourselves and so on. As that, she called me and told that now near movie theater and the session begins, to end through so many, I will call back to you. I without hesitation, punch all sessions which began at this time by all phones, the choice fell on unique, I gather, I go there. A problem, on the parking there was only one place, and as ill luck would have it near an entrance to movie theater, from there is nothing to do I in it parked and I wait. I wait, with hope to see it. I do not know as so it turned out, but when it left, she began to look at once at me and when she smiled, I already understood that the farce is opened. We with it began to communicate, meet, walk, we were coevals and though I was pleasant to it, she gave preference to more adults, and at me that, so wind in the head. This was the first girl at that time with whom I got acquainted and did not oversleep, moreover, there was no desire. One of the first particles, light memoirs.

Ya began to learn a charm, extraordinary and not standard acquaintances. As soon as I did not get acquainted, by phone on the street, in clubs. Got out on everyone, spoke on a miscellaneous if only it is not banal, and it worked. On work, I needed to communicate often by phone, and calls were, both from man`s, and from a female, I managed, already even not with girls, and to meet women by phone, to communicate with them for hours on flight, but without meeting them. I it did not want because I was afraid, first of all to be disappointed in them. And frankly speaking, did not think even that I can hurt.

Ya got acquainted with the girl, it was younger than me for about five years, it had a sister and they generally were always together. At first my eye fell on her sister, and then in itself switched to her. I often came to it, we on a debt communicated, and most often it was with the sister. Near them, I felt safe and I had no rushes to stick, or to hint this girl at what that. No, I just came and listened its or their. How that they tried to find out at me when my birthday, but you know as I treat it, I to them asked a riddle what to me four and a half years why? They did not guess. I told them that my birthday on February 29, they will not believe several years congratulated me on February 28 and on the first of March, yet did not learn the truth. At that time, she thought that we meet, but is not present, I just came, then less frequently, in my life there were all new and new girls. But on it its history does not terminate and I will also return to it.

As that I got acquainted with the girl, it was the mixed blood, I do not remember her roots and moreover I do not even remember her name. Once at the weekend, we went to me to the dacha with acquaintances, there she with me overslept, it the initiative was, for some reason after that for the morning I saw grief in her eyes, I then still did not attach significance to it. We met it still few times, in one such meeting, I do not remember why, I shortly told it about mine at that time lives, it was the first and likely time, only till today`s moment, when I told the girl about that as my life proceeds. After that, I did not see it any more, she did not call and did not write. To tell you it is honest, now when I remember all this, my heart is knocked and not as usually. Now I do not blame whom and there is nothing, it is weakness, my weakness, my spirit and character.

Having returned once again from Japan, I went to the embankment to meet acquaintances, there I saw it. As from Japan you come a little wild, I looked at it greedy eyes, it arrived with the mutual friend, and earlier I did not see it. There was it with the girlfriend, I without hesitation suggested all to go to a billiard room at my expense, all naturally agreed. There, I devoured it with eyes and also I saw the direction in its party of my acquaintance, but I did not think of it. Having played, all began to gather on houses as I was by the car, I was in not destiny. What I made, I sat down on a tail. At first it brought her girlfriend home, then carried it when it came into an entrance, he left, I remembered the street, the house and counted all apartments at an entrance. I was lucky then, it were five floor house, at an entrance there were only 22 apartments. Next day, thanks to the computer and help, then it still worked, I calculate 21 telephone numbers from 22. On good luck I get the acquaintance on phone, it begins to ring out numbers, asking the girl we will call it Masha, on the nineteenth number it gets there where it is necessary, moreover, it gets on it to som. Having waited for week as I often did it, I call it and as at me it was got I speak hi, where was gone that you do not call. But my farce was opened, ten minutes later, in a consequence of what we agreed to go to cinema. At first she so strange behaved, at once it seemed to me that she is an addict. As I saw such people and much, I was taken by vague doubts. To the word about drug addiction, for the life I tried only a himka and only two times. The second time I experienced all that fun about which all so spoke. My fun was that after the use Khimki, that way which I usually made to the house from that place where lived, made about eight minutes. After the use Khimki, I overcame it not much much in two and a half hours, I will not describe that at the same time I felt, but when I departed, I really laughed from all this a situation. I told lies to you, one more time I used that that like it, already in Japan, so to speak me was smoked by the familiar Dominican in club. I do not remember why I made it and as I still was and it is drunk, I distinctly realized that it is necessary to sit down in a taxi and to rush home, otherwise I will remind myself of that way which when that at me already was. On it everything, I do not want and I am not going to use drugs and moreover, I consider that people who do it, they empty, to them are not present sense any more to live, they lose the meaning. Let`s continue, over time I understood that I was mistaken, and that it at it such protective reaction to all events. On the third or on the fourth meeting, I in the evening of its visors from some party, it was slightly drunk, we stayed at home in the car near it. Here, unexpectedly, it on me got, what practical was not pleasant to me at once began. Having born still a couple of minutes, I am removed with words why you do it why you so, I thought that you not such, and you as all. What she answered me that it was simple female check, I did not understand this check. About we met where that about a year, during this time I it not to time did not change also me it and there was no wish. I mowed all from Japan to be near, but long it could not proceed, all - I left. we called up with

In Japan, over time I began to be stirred up in the thoughts. As that I called it and found that moment when she where that had fun. In it the moment, in me the essence which is already acquired by me, jealousy got out. We with it began to be littered, in increasing frequency. For me heavy time of experiences came, and my thoughts grew turbid more and more. When all - day of my return came, first of all I run in jeweler and I buy a gift. At that time to it there arrived the sister who studied just too in Japan. To her sister, I not especially was pleasant, and with her mother, I did not come into contact because I adhered to the principle. With the sister and with her guy, all of us together went to cafe of bars. It was the last day when I was as her guy, there I was too not on the ball, in me there were same experiences which I got in Japan. Next day she told that it has a lot of study and we will not be able to see each other. I practical understood at once that on it all. Now, I do not remember how I worried and whether worried in general, for some reason, at me in memory it was postponed. Everything that I began to do, so it to show rage and hatred to a female. Again incurred me, chaotic acquaintances and everything that was applied to it. As I already told

, I began to scoff, and did it on a miscellaneous, even sometimes enticed girls, created imitation that will be that that, and then refused. And brought me this huge pleasure, it was always accepted that the girl refuses to the guy, and I did it so that everything looked on a turn. When in it the moment, I looked it in the face, I derived pleasure from them it the blank look lost and lost. I also met girls through acquaintances, did everything next day to oversleep with them, then disappeared. Each time I became angrier and angrier.

the Acquaintance invited me to the wedding, the scheduled wedding on a zaleta. In the future they divorced too. There I got acquainted with two girls, we will call them Yana and Olya. I began to meet them in turn, and they knew each other, but did not know that I meet both. I had days when I managed in a day to come to three girls and to spend time with them. Once having called Olya at cinema, I came for her and we went. At that time I had acquaintances at movie theater, I went to a session free of charge. We came into the hall, here I see such picture, in the hall the girl Yana who slightly drank comes downstairs, having seen Olya she shouts it hi, at the same moment me the familiar security guard calls to agree where I will sit down. I am technically developed, and without drawing to myself attention, I disappear, I leave far away with the security guard. Further, I was struck by my tranquility and composure, I distinctly knew as well as what should be done. There were questions, but they technically hesitated as in my allies, there was that girl who married, she knew that I meet her girlfriends. I disappeared, in fasten also as well as appeared.

do not think, no, at that moment I not slept with all girls with which got acquainted, there were also with what got acquainted and quickly disappeared, do not know, I will not lie, I can after all that felt that that it is not necessary so with them.

As usual, having returned from Japan, I took the wheel and drove through the city. In one such day, I passed on the embankment and met the acquaintance, he told that he reads the newspaper, to be exact announcements in the section of acquaintances, then it was widespread, as well as is also distributed announcements I meet for material support. Together with it, we wrote out one of such phones, called, went. Procedure such is, we come to the apartment, the woman opens a door, gives an album with photos, we choose girls, she tells us about them, we pay for the fact that it gives us phone numbers. I chose, I called. Sometimes, when there is a mood, I with ease can be anyone, in respect of behavior, I can also be eloquent, I can beautifully speak, I have a talent to entice. We met, she was not local, rented apartment, studied and worked in agency, in my opinion advertizing, it lacked money and she decided to podzarabatyvat in such a way. I suggested it to drive, included all the charm. In an hour, she did not bear any more, told that she already very strongly wants. Before meeting, she told me conditions, we meet, we drink, we are engaged in business, you pay and leave. We arrived to it home, I took, in my opinion cognac, drank, communicated, and she led me. Later, she told me good night and fell asleep. Then I thought that she in me sees that people in me see, I bad, I badly treat people. Why it allowed me to remain. In the morning, it was necessary to me for work, I got up put on, washed. She lies, is silent, not words about money. Having gathered, I got a purse, put money for a bedside table, silently left.

Everything was still, I continued to get acquainted. On the embankment I will melt in a circle of acquaintances, the car, in it by passes three girls. They got up not far from us and were in the field of our sight. All, they drew the attention, and to were attracted, we went to the beach, there till the morning drank champagne, I saw that strongly it was pleasant to one girl, but I decided not to show her the attention, and attracted it to her girlfriend. I do not know why I all this did, likely rage and revenge, they to me closed up eyes. I rang her girlfriend, we few times met, then overslept, I knew that she also will know about it. Then I disappeared. Later couple of days, the girl, that which I left money in a night called. Suggested to meet, I told it that I have problems with money now. In reply, she told that they are not necessary to it, after that we several times met, and I disappeared.

At that time, I was fond of motorcycles, in them again, I found the new potential for acquaintances to girls. They shouted give a ride, give a ride. As that, riding together with the acquaintance, we were stopped by two girls, asked to give a ride, without hesitation we defined couples, got acquainted on closer. In couple of days, we met again, rode in the country. I will tell that I had a love to speed always, also to motorcycles and cars. Generally there was always a sports equipment, and I liked to embellish this equipment, in the people speaking, tuned. Further, I forgot about it as well as about many other. In several days, we went to me, familiar with the girlfriend were locked in a bathroom, and we remained in the room. Then, I chose tactics and a role of the virgin, began to imitate, say what I not to time did not have and that it will be my first time. I beautifully played this role that the girl besides that believed, began to speak, can then it is necessary I want that so was at you for the first time. I answered, do not worry I approximately it and represented. We met day through two, and so far walked, she told me that she missed me what I answered … … … and I here and … …. At present, I sincere, heartily, apologize to this girl, then I arrived in the dark and did not know that I created. Forgive me, forgive for these words! As it was accepted at me, I disappeared again.

In my life appeared the girl, it one of not many which long was present at my life, but also I lost it, because of the hatred. After acquaintance to it, through a two-three of days, we went to the beach, it without hesitation got on me. I began to imitate from myself the touchy person owing to what she told me, you that the gay, guys you will not understand you, do not climb to you badly, climb to you too badly, you are defined. Then, it was very young, after the first time, she decided that we have relations, began me to call. I all avoided it, and continued to get acquainted further. When to me was it is lonely, I called her, spun not a message that on ears, and she trusted me and went with me. So repeated, not one year. Over time, she matured, changed. It was harder and harder for me to overpersuade her. It met others and when I called, we met. Once, she found to itself the guy and let me know that all. I solved as long time connects us, just I will continue to communicate with it, got acquainted with her guy, we even made friends a little. In several years she left with it because he did not call her for the husband and as it is accepted and as impose to us, these years many girls of it very strongly want. Practical at once, it to meet other guy and in several months marries. Now, I do not know that in her life, one fine day, it told me that her guy is jealous, and we will not communicate more. Once again, I lost the person to whom could just talk.

you probably already understood that in mine lives, so I suited it, I was surrounded by one girls and I had no friends. There was one, but I safely missed it. There were many acquaintances, and there are no friends. As if I did not try, with someone to be on friendly terms, I always it did not work well. Someone to me lay and someone just avoided. Yes, in my life there was a lot of lie.

Ya saw the girl, lit up to get acquainted. I tried to obtain it month if it is honest not only it, in passing and others. One fine day, achieved, we overslept, more I did not call her. I began to reflect that is with me, I began to notice that that that not so. I meet another, it to be pleasant to me, I try to obtain, and again, again I do not want to call and see it. I began to think, I thought. In that piece of my life, me only one thought, a peculiar sport came, I transferred all the actions to sport. Saw, I am pleasant, try to obtain, I disappear. That it was not boring and it is not monotonous, got acquainted on a miscellaneous. As that, in shop, saw the girl, she worked in hire of video of disks. It was pleasant, without hesitation, I watch her name on a badge, I go to flower, I order a bouquet. I find the person who will give it flowers, I give him a leaf with different addresses and with its address where it works, I instruct it that it is necessary to bring flowers to shop, to give it this leaf that she put on it a list and the main thing the surname. Everything passes according to the plan, I received a surname. On it, I define three phone numbers. I find out that one number belongs to her house, other her sister and the third her mother. Then there was already a cellular communication and who could afford it, that used. I knew that it has phone. That I made, called one acquaintance, asked it to call mother of that girl that it was presented by the oldest girlfriend, learned number of her daughter. Everything worked. I began to communicate with it, but there was it only few times when she told me that she is affianced, I ceased to call. Why? If I, perceived everything as sport why and not to continue why and not to complicate a situation. Now, I understand what then in me still was that light that good, if in me it was not, I could do so many. So proceeded further, there was time, I thought out more and more that that because of shcherenny. I write

So far, I remembered one more, good moment from my life. As that with the acquaintance, they went to the beach with two girls, with behind, we in front, they with the friend a druzhka communicate, and we with each other. Then I did not sustain, told girls that they at bothered to be lisped only among themselves, told that ballast turns out they. Girls, without hesitation, left in a huff and went towards the city on foot. I not long resisting, went to catch up with them. Spoke to them, you sit down, and they in any, apologized, and they in any. I decided to make on another, passed further on the road, it the route was not even expensive, and. As there was a summer, I found wild flowers, dug to myself a bouquet and to the acquaintance, told it, to do everything as I, a leg in a leg. Girls went still behind when they appeared under review, I left, for me afterwards the acquaintance, approached a luggage carrier, there found two rags, one to me another to it. We came to the road, laid rags, kneelt, thrust to ourselves into a mouth flowers and accepted a pose of asking. When they approached, I told, forgive us assholes. By cars flew, beeped, waved to us, shouted. Girls thawed, took flowers, told thanks and got into the car.

over time, I learned that my first girl, that which threw me got acquainted with the guy, became pregnant, and after the delivery it left her. Also, over time I learned that the second girl who left me soon married in a hurry after that, gave birth to the child then divorced, I heard that he changed her. I thought much, I had many thoughts, but I did not understand an essence. I thought, the destiny can what that wants from me, I did not understand why everything so occurs.

Went time, before my next trip to Japan, I should have descended, taken the picture on the visa. I decided on a photographer`s studio, came, before me there were two girls, one of them should have been photographed, another so for the company. After this girl was photographed, the administrator approached her, apologized, and told that the printer broke that when it is repaired, will be able to print a photo and asked her phone number for the girl. This girl to me very much attracted, I naturally without losing such chance, remembered her number.

In Japan, I too quite often managed to cause a stir. In Japan, there are a lot of Russian girls, someone lives, someone to study, and someone comes to work in a hostasa (these are girls for whom you pay by which you buy drinks, and they for it, communicate with you. All the rest, at will, but not on coercion) I Will tell at once, the Russian girl in Japan, is a star because attention they receive much there, both from Japanese, and from Russians, naturally the choice is not rich there. I will not tell much about Japan, on it a lot of time will leave. But I annealed there sometimes so that managed in a month, to prosazhivat all that salary which did not earn yet. With Japanese, I got acquainted too and met too, with them the truth is harder and harder as Japanese I did not know, and sometimes communicated on fingers. And my English, was not at the professional level. At school I did not go to it at all. But in four years pro-seen in Japan, plus the computer, and then still practical everything was in English, I could communicate and understand normally. Communicated and met people from the different countries and different nationalities, and over time, defined for itself what people on a nationality are pleasant to me and what are not present.

Having returned from Japan, in one of evenings I remembered about that number. As well as always, threw off all grieve a sms, hi, how are you where was gone, and in reply, as well as always, received everything most, hi and it who too? At that time, I already under ceased, desires that to think out that at me was not. All this time, in me still remained a little romanticism, sometimes it got out completely, but having felt disappointment, I locked it again. All the time I considered that girls kill in me my romanticism, but is not present, no and no, I in myself killed it, I was weak also all good that else was in me, I locked everything. That evening, I did not think out and did not lie, I told as was, and told that if you not against that let`s meet on what received an affirmative answer. It took with itself the girlfriend, and that you never know, I understanding was at all not against, besides I always agreed with it. I never in the life, took the girl by force, Bol of when I feel or I see that she does not want, and at me the special desire does not arise. We drove, I presented it a rose, from this day we began to meet. It was younger than me. She acquainted me with parents, I was not against. We met, walked, in a month I with it the first time overslept. I will tell the truth that in the first few days when I got acquainted with it, I once met other girl and it was the first and only time. Time went, at us everything was good. About vstrechavshis with it nearly a year, I should have been going to Japan.

In this trip, I was not jealous, I trusted, I was quiet. As the trip was good on earnings, I decided to buy it expensive gift, it was ornament. Some holiday approached, there can be even its birthday, I frankly speaking do not remember, just by this time, Japan there left my acquaintance, I decided to transmit through it everything. At a leisure we with it swore, I do not remember because of what, but that that was connected with us. I began not to answer calls. Solved, I will mount video, there will be a message and beautiful music, it turned out quite romantically. I made the 20th minute roller, in this roller there were pieces from different video, with the moments of one kisses and all this also under music. I in general always loved, quiet and romantic music, and also ballads and ballads. Kisses, I cut out from movies, I had their benefit much. Eight days, mine of the computer worked on full, as a result I mounted everything. Having packed everything beautifully and having transferred it to the acquaintance, I began to toil waiting. After a gift, she began to call me even more, I did not take the call, but on telephony there was an answering machine, it left me messages. In its voice, was that that very disturbing. On return home, she met me at the airport, we went, I all road of basts. Then, we got already into my car, went. I do not remember already as everything began, but one fine minute, she told me, told that she moves to other city, to be exact to Moscow and moves on absolutely. Told that guardians do not see sense to remain in this city. Again this pain, again this wild pain, most of all it was offensive for me. Also it was a pity not that she moves to other city, it was a pity that when we met, she already knew that she will move, and all this time her parents paved the way.

Again, wild offense, again, wild pain and again, wild rage. Then, I began to drink strongly, I drank constantly and everywhere, went drunk driving, to me was on everything to spit. It seemed to me that all around me, all lie to me that beds surrounded me to such an extent that I trusted whom paranoyadalno. One fine day, when I once again went drunk driving, I am stopped by the inspector of GAI, asks a question, you used today. I do not know that then in me clicked, but I said yes. Let I knew on before that the rights will not take away from me because there were acquaintances who helped me more than once. But the essence is that I as that in a different way began to feel. At once I want to add that you did not think that I am a washed-up extremist and drunk driving could in is fuller than someone bring down. It of course does not acquit me, but I took drunk the wheel, only when it was self-assured if I was absolutely drunk, then filled up in the car. For me it was not permissible to bring down someone, or to do much harm to someone. As that time, I went in dense fog, sharply in front of car the doggie appeared, I felt that I hooked on it, stopped, left, began to look for it, but most likely she somewhere quickly escaped. I to myself did not find the place several days.

Passed a little time, we started over again communicating, moving was planned, only through half of year. She called, we met what spoke about do not remember and it was already not important for me. But pain did not abandon me. At the same time meeting it, I started over again meeting everyone. Former life returned to me again.

Every time my opinion on love changed, every time I reformulated this word for myself. I tried to understand every time what is it, love whether there is it in general. As I already told

, I still met it, continued to meet others, washing life practical at once returned to the former course, but only this time, I already reconciled to the destiny. Yes, then I to myself hammered into the head what to know destiny of May such. Began to get acquainted anywhere and everywhere, even once on the TV managed, through a chat. Having met this girl, it was pleasant to me, I tried to let it know that it is not necessary, it is not necessary to think and get used, I did not want to hurt it and did not want to say that it is not necessary to meet me. Then she learned that I meet girls and also I meet former. But continued to call and if it is honest, then she sometimes writes to this day me though she is already married.

As that in one of nights, in club, I got acquainted with the girl. As that quickly at us everything began, then I learned that it has a guy, but to me was to spit and she showed interest. As then it appeared, I it know the guy. And to tell the truth, I between them several times got up. Then, she after all went beyond it, and as far as I know, even without having managed to give birth to the child they dispersed. I quite often met girls who had guys, I met them only on them to it to desire. Met even married girls, I could not understand as so why so why people marry, and then meet others why they act this way if there is nothing, so disperse, in life, ourselves all pull down.

One night, I drove through the city, there were two girls, I got acquainted, they got into the car, we drove, exchanged numbers and I brought them home, they lived then in a hostel. Both girls were nice, but one posed as a star, naturally I chose which pozvezdeviya. In couple of days, I called it, agreed about meetings, we drove, I see that she poses as big well is direct a bright star. As life, taught me to define people, I saw what actually disappears under this stardom. It is not long thinking, I bring it back, I speak to - appointments. Right there I take the second girl, her girlfriend, and I suggest to meet, that agrees. At that moment, I was very satisfied what saw, at the first girl stardom was reduced, but I all the same continued to ignore it. I began to meet the second, tojoint stock company that one fine day, they told me that they became my neigbours. I do not know, I was glad, or not to it, but to live they became through next a door. As a result I slept with one, then with another, then in general in alternately, and then with one them to it the girlfriend. I do not know why I got acquainted with it, I then a little to what gave the report, but after acquaintance she very strongly disappointed me. When I asked it as the normal guy where you want what you want, she also answered me, to you, you. I still then told it that to good it will not bring you, and it turned out, recently, she wrote to me that she lives alone also with the child. I will not tell you everything in detail, for many reasons, one of them, the fact that to me it is painful and is not pleasant, all this to remember. And about all, I will not tell too, an essence of all that occurred, you probably already understood. In my life, more and more new girls appeared. And I still, met that which went to Moscow.

In one such meeting, we descended in club, then went to me, to a ches four nights, she left by a taxi, home. I went to bed, woke up in three hours. The first that I remember, so is that I had grown dumb all person and extremities too, in a body there was wild pain. I could not speak because I did not feel the person in general. I dialed mother`s number and she on my low understood that it is necessary to call an ambulance. The ambulance quickly arrived, I was taken away in hospital, pain was wild, I could not sit in place, to me was wanted that it is constant to break and destroy that. I will tell that such pain physical, I did not test yet. Brought down to me her, only after the fourth prick. From this day, I began to learn a doctor`s profession, and I want to tell you at once that before that to undertake that, it is necessary to think and not to hurry if there is such opportunity. As it appeared, I had a stone in kidneys, at night it came off and my mochetochnik as it was more than the channel stopped up, he could not get through. To me promuryzhit a brain a couple of days more, told that we can offer you at most, is that we will cut you, we will pull out a stone and you awake a month more with a tubule to go. I sat, thought, understood that it is not necessary to me, began to learn as as, the cat learned about an ultra sound