Crash of illusions. How to live after that?
Lonely woman …. Girl …. No matter, if the nature made you a female and you are lonely - it is always the big tragedy.
Grief in your eyes, a dissatisfaction, constant delays at work, good career and earnings. But the more diligent you clamber on top of the ladder of the purposes and desires, the it is less at you than chances to meet the man so strong and worthy with which you will want to connect the life. It is always run around and a circle this, unfortunately, closed.
Masha did not think of it at school when in 15 - 16 years all twisted the first novels and told about the first in life of the rosette presented to them for February 14, she was proud of all five in a half-year. Marusya did not think of it at institute when in 18 years to her the first love did not come, and at all it already happened and ended, she became sad, but not so that it is strong. And, having decided that to it something special is prepared (for all its five, responsibility, the read books and good behavior), calmed down.
The love happened. But …. It was delusion, a misfortune, dependence, anything, except true feeling. Psychologists say that when very much you wait for something, and then there is a similar event, but in a bit different projection, our brain is not able to catch it, we impose the picture from our expectations on real events and it turns out that the dream came true … But it is illusion. The misfortune lasted with it 5 years, Masha waited, waited it so far will receive the second highest, waited so far will get on feet, waited so far will adjust business. He did not pay to it much attention, did not indulge gifts, did not consider that they couple and it had always someone else. And Masha loved … loved so strongly that she could not become angry, throw, tear, she so long waited … And she forgave, was humiliated, returned it when it left and said that between them everything is over, and he does not love her. And then said that loves. It seemed to it that he pretends that all this a lie that this mask which he on himself put on a mask of roughness and indifference to it. Masha was not able to afford to be disappointed, did not even allow thought of it. All repeated around that at it crowds girls go, he meets and lives with another, and Masha is not necessary to it long ago. She did not trust and did not want to trust, she trusted only it, only to that rare SMS in which it was written - I love.
But everything comes to an end. In one day to it it was written that he is a hero not of its novel, it has other woman whom he loves, lives with it and makes plans for a family. And still, that she did not take offense, he never promised anything to her. It was crash, ruins, the ashes. Life, hopes, dreams failed. Masha in hands had her broken heart more - che - go … emptiness, loneliness.
At first she tried to fight, more precisely, to fight against ghosts, Marusya did not know the competitor. She wrote it threats, wishes, entreaties. And noticed only how the person, cold, indifferent and rough in relation to it, at once turned into a fluffy kitten in relation to all. Its phrases if allow me if they allow me, finished it finally. In the relations with it sounded only that he always and in everything makes decisions.
Everything, war was lost, to fight was useless.
Half-dead Marusya crawled away in a hole to lick wounds. It appeared not easy. It was most difficult not to write it because each SMS with a new force fingered not healing wounds. She tried, clenching fists, sobbing from intolerable pain, and understanding already precisely, and up to the end everything is over that it was the only man loved by it.
They say that it is possible to consider himself as the one-woman man, only if you on the deathbed admit that you all life carried by love only to one person. But that know it for certain, it is necessary to try to build the relations with many. At Marusya of it did not leave.
Something in it broke, died. She did not want to go out on dates, and courtings of some men frankly irritated her. Time went …. Pain did not pass and did not cease, it was filled up with a heap of other cares and experiences. Old wounds, as we know, hurt by bad weather.
Until Masha took a break anybody does not meet, does not go out on dates and in general tries not to contact a male, preserves the rest and the composure which began to be restored.
How is he? She does not know and does not try to learn from mutual friends, too painfully. Today it has neither family nor children though colleagues of its age already leave a maternity leave, and all classmates and schoolmates is married long ago and long ago mothers, in any case of the classmate, even fellow students everything are already married.
Once Masha looked darling in the face and understood that that`s it from him she wants to give birth to the child. Even when they left (and they left 5 times) she wrote that he can live with anyone, only let will present to her the child. But he always answered that his children will live with it and in a full family. So even here to it knocked on hands.
Now she wants to live for herself and at last to fall in love with herself, such what it is, with all cockroaches, defects and awful character. And, perhaps, having found at last a peace of mind, Masha will release it and pain, will cease to be killed on the person who did not appreciate it or did not want to estimate, and all this love just seemed to it. Illusion …