Communal flat or How to live in peace and friendship?
As the fates decree to me with a family were necessary to move from one settlement to another. We will lay the technical moments aside, now I want to talk about another especially as everything successfully passed. And human relations will be a subject of today`s conversation.
Any of moving is, first of all, change of an environment, change of people you people around. It is possible to ask: “And what here difficult? Communicated, recognized each other. And all.“ I too so thought. And is not present. So it turns out in the village, at the dacha, can still where. And in the settlement not absolutely so leaves. Further I describe the personal observations and the personal experience which will help others essentially to reduce this way.
In what the group which decided to create the settlement, from the same giving with neighbors differs? I see two main differences. The first, in this group choose each other if it is possible so to speak. And the second, the group has a common goal.
Both things have both pluses and minuses. Pluses, it seems, are obvious to all. And we, most likely, just will not see minuses. And not because we bad or blind but because we were so brought up since the birth. Both parents on ignorance, and society (it would be desirable to believe that on ignorance too).
As the neighbor we choose the person or a family which are pleasant to us. But at the same time it is easy to forget that people all different. And time different, there will be also disagreements, just because we are different. And tell me which of us the conflicts learned to solve? At school there is no it, at institute too (if only in psychiatry, but my wife with medical education says that there too there is no it). Which of parents teaches children to solve the conflicts? Yes most of parents are not able to do it, and behave worse than children. There are units who acts instinctively this way - I met one. Generally, by close examination, it turns out that the case which is quite started.
I was lucky in this regard. I and my wife quite long time were in Protestant church where, based on the bible, the high standard of the interpersonal relations was supported. That you did not think of the bible, in it there are a lot of wise words and the book it is respected by many people. In the bible there are simple recommendations how to solve the conflicts between people:
If your brother sins against you, go and convict him between you and him one; if listens to you, then you got your brother. If does not listen, take with yourself one more or two that any word was confirmed by lips of two or three witnesses. If does not listen to them, tell churches; and if does not listen to church, then yes there will be it to you as the pagan and the publican. (From Matfey 18:15 - 17) Watch
yourself. If your brother sins against you, utter to him; and if confesses, forgive it. And if seven times a day sin against you and seven times a day will address, and will tell: “I repent“, - forgive it. (From Onions 17:3 - 4)
the Formula to a disgrace simple. Only it is not simple to carry out it sometimes very. However to strain and overcome in itself all fears and doubts is worth it. The result will surpass all expectations. By the experience I will tell that nearly 99% of all conflicts are result of the fact that one not so understood or did not hear, the second not so told or did not finish speaking. If to solve such things at once, then the conflict does not arise. If to leave how to eat and keep in itself, then inside “the fly turns into an elephant“. The human imagination is boundless and from scratch, literally, will create such impenetrable wall of offenses and to that similar things that it will be very difficult to be overcome.
So prevents people to behave so in life? Lack of training and experience was already mentioned. There is a fear. Fear to tell that you were offended. From the same practice and communication with children. If to tell the person about the feelings, then he will understand and, most often, will not take offense, and maybe will ask forgiveness as he did not want to offend anybody.
In conclusion I will offer several recommendations which will help to learn to solve the conflicts at once (if to use them, of course):
if after communication there was an unpleasant deposit, then as soon as possible (ideally at once, but during the day too it is remarkable) to meet once again and to tell about the feelings - quite perhaps that was just not finished speaking for the first time;
if you see that the person somehow suspiciously treats you, then go to a meeting and help him, ask the first, than you could offend him, and it is necessary to demand conversation if there is a need;
do not try to make the neighbor similar to you - it will not turn out, he should be accepted with all his shortcomings, the fact that at thought of this person at you pleasant emotions and you see his merits can serve as criterion of acceptance.
And most important. Work and do not cease to remember that both are guilty of any conflict. Therefore begin with yourself and your life will become much simpler and more interesting.