In what danger of double coercion?
the Term “double coercion“ mean a situation when inconsistent requirements are imposed to the person. More precisely, not just inconsistent, and mutually exclusive. Such that whatever of them you executed, another will not be executed.
But the matter is that the situation of double coercion assumes that both requirements are obligatory to performance and all of you equally will remain in loss.
Original double coercion is possible only if we for one reason or another cannot stop or seriously change the relations with its source. It is rather dangerous in a family, especially concerning parents to children. There was an assumption that double coercion in the childhood - one of the factors leading to development of schizophrenia. But even without it continuous stay in a situation of double coercion forms not the best qualities of the personality. First of all, such situation causes feeling of own helplessness. What we did, we lose! Whatever requirement was fulfilled, the personality, significant for us, will be dissatisfied with us.
Usually similar requirements proceed from close people, for example, of spouses. It is even worse when “double coercion“ is created by parents. To solve an unsoluble situation, remaining in its framework, it is impossible! But the child has also no opportunity to resolve a situation considerably, having just stopped it, having gone for confrontation, having explained to “opponent“ a situation which that creates. Even spouses not always decide on it, preferring to suffer, being “eternally guilty“.
Very soft example of double coercion: “Whom do you love more, the father or mother? “ Of course, this dilemma is harmless - but present what will be if before the child (who is completely depending on parents and emotionally to them attached) to raise a similar question seriously? Or as in a classical example when the father, the tyrant and the alcoholic, demands from children to treat it as to the loving parent. After the required behavior model is acquired by children, the father accuses them of insincerity. Having found fear, children will show to the father that he is a bad parent. Having hidden fear, they will cause charges of insincerity. Having gone beyond “fork“ and having tried to point out directly intolerableness of a situation, they risk to draw upon themselves anger of the parent on which completely depend. Suppression of fear can become an exit, but it is an exit unhealthy. And internal tension can break, for example, in the form of irrational fear, a phobia, other mental violations, seemingly directly with the father not of connected. If double coercion in the childhood is norm, the person does not learn to adequate perception of the world. Emotional dispassionateness from the world (and from itself) - in principle, quite clear way of prevention of “desperate“ situations can become result, for example.
In adulthood to us quite often suggest to choose between “love“ not to the father and mother, and for example, to mother and the wife. In case of the intense relations between them the rational requirement to the husband (and in combination to the son) would be to help to resolve a conflict situation. But to it other inquiry reminding that children`s is shown to a thicket absolutely: who is dearer to you - I or it? If the husband - the son is not capable to be discharged emotionally if he is not the unconditional head of the family and allows to press on himself, it appears in that bezvyigryshny situation.
Actually it can long remain, holding the husband - the son under constant pressure. Besides, at it it cannot but be saved internal discontent with, his behavior contradicts also the standard “image of the man“. In what all this will pour out - depends on many factors. One is clear: to the man it will not add either sincere, nor physical health, the conflict situation and will remain not resolved. And those from whom double coercion proceeds lose too. “Victim“ of similar manipulation, of course, suppresses negative emotions, but suppression is a removal of feelings from consciousness.
Indirectly the discontent with a situation is shown emotionally, at the behavioural level. All this increases irritation (a situation, itself, work, life in general), complicates skill to communicate, leads to the conflicts on others, apparently, to occasions. Besides, the initiator of “double coercion“ can quite feel that the intensity reason in it. He can not realize that he drives another into a stalemate, but to feel own guilty. And as the reason is not realized, the fault can generate anything: for example, anger. We do not love those, to whom are guilty …,
Besides the initiator not just like that drives the loved one into a situation from which there is no exit. The probability that it is in general its way of interaction both with others, and with itself is high. So and it imposes inconsistent requirements to itself(himself). From where to undertake to content life, to tranquility and generosity if the person cannot escape from it the built internal traps? And just is not able to solve problems differently how setting unsolubly inconsistent tasks?
But it is much more difficult to understand, notice the internal traps, than external. Irrespective of, we put them or put to us. Noticed? Analysed? And further - to think over the decision, half-affairs it is already made.