Rus Articles Journal

Why there are no true friends? About need for recognition of own personality

Happens, there lives a person and very much wants that near it there were pleasant people. Itself reaches for people. And does not bear the malice to them, trusts in good. But throughout all life it is lonely. Because people do not reach for it. Even if it is possible to establish the family, the sincere loneliness all the same remains: friends did not manage to be found.

Happens that friends are associated with unconditional supporters of your position, your point of view. Friends are your allies. They are necessary to live. If you are rejected - life is in danger. A strange, illogical, inexplicable projection - in many destinies.

Often the need for recognition is transferred to relatives. People feels constant requirement to be for them good. To be good not to become outcast. At such people of friends, as a rule, or is not present, or it is not enough. And before relatives they are always bad. Despite all the efforts. And here mutual offenses are inevitable.

There are also other manifestations of a problem. Once I noticed for myself that I, despite all ongoing efforts and work on myself, continue to react painfully to the rejection which is expressed in criticism of my personality in offensive words about my creativity (feeling of “the unrecognized genius“), in any oppositions and, the most important, in my feeling: I am rejected .

As soon as there was a situation though something reminding rejection, so I turned into “hedgehog“ at once. Began to be protected, justify itself, aggressively “to attack“. I so strongly wanted that though somebody understood me, rose on my party. But, as a rule, people took up arms against me. And I remained with the trouble one. Here - also remembered that nonexistent friends - allies. They could help me?

As this feeling of isolation was terrible! Just insufferably! It seemed to me that so it is impossible to live! I felt not only moral, but also physical weakness. In a condition of the conflict of a leg were turned in, in knees the shiver began, heartbeat as if really something threatened my life became frequent. I could not work, rejoice when I was not accepted, were not understood!

It is the normal person knows that you will not please all. And appearance of opponents of any ideas is also predicted, as well as appearance of supporters. But my sick perception concentrated only on opponents. And all life turned into flour.

Not to cope with this problem one words, phrases or even understanding. needs something bigger .

If in your life there were similar feelings, observe yourself. Perhaps, such features are also familiar to you :

In thoughts you is constant “you look at yourself eyes of other people“. Let`s say there was a conflict. The situation ended long ago, offended told the word and forgot about it. And you scroll all these words and details of an event as the worn-out plate.

you cannot stop, finish the conflict “on anything in time“, leave conversation. You feel pain, but you continue “attacks“. You fight for the right for “the last word“ (the last point).

In a usual situation you can stay long time in thoughts of how your letter will be apprehended, for example. And you long re-read everything “eyes of the interlocutor“ or hang in experiences how your opinion, behavior is from outside perceived: “And what I will be told in reply?“, “And that they will think?“, “And how I look from outside …?“, “And it will be pleasant to people or not? “, “And when I will gain recognition?“. And it is even not verbal questions, but painful, the disturbing feelings. They are deep, subconscious.

All people different and situations, respectively, too different. There are also other manifestations. The general one: you do not accept rejection of.

I lived in similar feelings long time, even without realizing them. Considered such behavior model as norm.

What to do in case you completely realized the problem and you want from it to get rid?

it is important to span to catch every time itself on “leaving“ in perception of other people . Paid attention to reflections about that, “that other person thinks of me“, - and it is conscious, by effort of will transferred all thoughts to the person: “I am, I exist!“ Along with it it is important to feel all the essence. To be filled with pleasant weight in a body, the importance. independent of anybody. (The feeling of the importance goes in a body from below up - from legs to the head - and leaves to space). To feel each section, to feel all entirely - as only it is possible! “I - it am I. I live. I here. I am significant. I rejoice. I want. I do …“ At the beginning this work will take with

each your minute. The perception incessantly comes back to the habitual course. And all your time leaves on sending it to the new, necessary direction which you chose for yourself.

Categorically it is important to span to live here and now . Solve those problems which occupy other, other part of your life. Completely plunge into them. Despite such big problem, forget about it. And then she will forget about you.

And if you do not know what to do, got confused, frightened, began to grieve - meditate, relax and calm down.

Accept the grief, accept yourself in this grief, live and rejoice contrary to . And it is not so simple, to live contrary to! All the life you relied on recognition of people around. Without recognition you were not. There was a wish to do nothing, everything did not make sense. Now it is necessary to learn to be oneself. Always. To breathe a full breast, to love, to work, rejoice, even when you are outcast all society!

And then gradually you learn not to lose yourself in any situations. And another, the point of view and even rejection, other than yours, will lose the influence on you.

You will become the self-sufficient, significant, important person. You will not be need people any more - appraisers, presence of supporters and opponents will become indifferent for you. Neither those, nor others will have weight. And you will cease to need friends. People will feel it and will stretch to you. And then there will be also friends, and it is a lot of supporters, both recognition, and all what you so needed. But you will not need it … to

of Good luck to you in hard, but such important work on yourself any more.