Offense. What with it to do?
the Scenario of emergence of offense is simple and it is good to us is familiar. One person has expectations concerning another (at each of us the picture of the world, and these pictures can differ from each other cardinally). According to the representation, the person waits for some certain behavior from another … does not receive
I - the person behaved differently: “I was sure that you will come for me after work …! How you could not arrive?!“.
Options of a way out:
to Speak the expectations and to agree on the future more specifically: who, where, as.
to Express and … to take offense.
to Take offense being silent.
the Last option the heaviest (from the point of view of consequences for participants). And, alas, how it is sad - the most widespread …
What occurs further?
The first carries offense in heart, cares for it and cherishes. Finds in the subsequent (or previous) actions of other person of confirmation of correctness of the behavior and the arisen resentment: “And last time … there was the same!! I was right“.
Other person tries to understand in what business. It is good if asks openly what happened. And can receive the answer through the pursed lips “Nothing …“ or “Itself you understand?!“. Will begin to suffer sense of guilt, the offense is one of manipulation forms. By the way, children to 2 - x do not know years about existence of offense, they study it at us, the society gives the first lessons of “the correct obizhaniye“ aged from 2 till 5 years.
I had to see such “solo performance“: the girl of 5,5 years very much wanted “to show“ to parents who here main. Turned away from all, pouted, twisted handles a pretzel on a breast. Before it imperceptibly wetted (!) eye saliva. Accurately copied the shape of offense seen by it more than once! And parents jumped, zakhlopotat, ran … The effect is reached! To get rid of sense of guilt, parents will make those actions which from them were demanded by the child.
Where offense lives in a body?So, eventually, we accumulate
in soul of offense and an obidka, nothing passes completely for the person. As if stones the person for himself drags freight of unexpressed offenses and emotions.
Popular wisdom (and on that it and wisdom that it is checked for centuries) says:
Offense - as a stone at heart. the Unexpressed offense soul corrodes
Offense in heart.
to Offend - it is easy also for soul - what?
On offended water carry.
to Everyone the offense is bitter.
Cannot be offended, it is possible to take offense. the Resentment
the offended person?
Let`s address feelings corporal. Your body always shows reaction to these or those events. Comfortably - it is not comfortable, convenient - not conveniently, breathes - does not breathe, hurts - does not hurt and so on … It is possible to determine the state and the relation to a situation by these simple criteria.
The complicated superficial breath, the weight in breasts, “close tears“ this suppressed, the blocked energy of big force - as a result it can be shown by a serious disease. Yes, the offense lives in a breast, in heart.
The offense is the suppressed anger, only the anger looks for external expression, active reaction, and offense - internal.
What to do with this destructive feeling with which none of us are insured?
Is psychological exercises and technicians by means of whom it is possible to work with offense independently.
To tell “I Forgive!“ and “to stop thinking about it“
Who did so - understand. Not all it is simple in such “forgiveness“: the formal message does not take off internal effects of discomfort... “And the soul hurts!“
to Continue to take offense and pout
Action by the principle “who whom“. Strong character is for this purpose really necessary! But! What`s the big idea? Reminds the history “as Ivan Ivanovich with Ivan Nikiforovich quarrelled“... Nobody remembered the reasons of offenses, and the lawsuit between them lasted five years. Both turned gray, grew old and... about anything, except the offense also could not talk!
the Most certain and correct way. And the quicker to make it, the better. To sound everything as is. To find contradictions. To discuss. To find the common decision. If that “is not - to leave quarrel, having agreed to differ. To agree for the sake of appearances there is no sense - it can bring a situation to deeper quarrel.
To write the letter to
the Note. SMS - ku. Any difficult phrases in writing are given us easier, than pronouncing words. The person has a choice - to read - not to read, burn, tear, re-read several times, answering your letter... And can not read. Therefore - to a written explanation surely oral. To call back or meet. Eye to eye.
If you feel uncomfortablly after all these actions, there was a deposit in soul, or feel a reticence between you, or just in a body the painful feeling got stuck...
Is technology of work with offense which can be used without participation of the second party.
To draw Offense
Close eyes, remember a situation when there was an Offense. Present it:
And what offense you had, big or small? whether
Can touch offense? whether
the offense Has a smell?
A what it on taste?
What voice at offense?
Open eyes and on a sheet of paper draw Offense - pencils, paints or pieces of chalk. Look not it attentively, experience up to the end - and burn!
And now - paint a picture of Pleasure, Good mood, Love - and keep it till the moment when you feel need for it.
To write everything that you feel and you think
When inside emotions bubble and thoughts run round in the head, apparently, that it is a never-ending stream... It so exactly because you do not splash out these feelings.
Prepare enough paper (perhaps, several sheets are required), a simple pencil (it is more convenient to them to write such myslepotok) or the handle.
Begin to write “It happened... I think... I feel... All of them are such...“ etc. Write continuously everything that arises in the head. Coherence and intelligence is not important here. It is important to write until something else “turns in a cranium“.
Perhaps, there will be tears - let flow, so inside will be late the expressed emotions! At some moment you will feel emptiness. Both in thoughts, and in a body. In total. Tear the records and burn (or throw out - the main thing, not to leave them at home).
Do not take offense without serious occasion. Are reconciled quicker! Live in harmony with world around!