How to keep marriage?
the Matrimonial relations are under construction on the basis of love. And it is not obligatory for love - the passion overtaking us suddenly. The love can become result of the relations constructed by you. The love is an attention, kindness, patience, gratitude, respect, devotion. It is ability to forgive and again to enjoy life.
Marriage is hozyaystvenno - household, emotionally - the sexual, psychological, parental union of the man and woman. Creation of a strong family - huge work and patience. Over time the cooled-down feelings can generate a set of the family conflicts therefore the love in marriage needs to be cherished constantly.
Do not repeat the most widespread mistakes in the matrimonial relations:
1. do not quarrel at strangers: at relatives, friends, children. “To set straight at people“, hoping that it will shame the partner - a big mistake. Nothing except rage, revenge and alienation it causes.
2. do not do hasty generalizations: “All men...“, “Never anything in life...“, “It is eternal you...“ Reduce quantity of claims to one, you speak specifically: let`s tell, about dirty boots. Achieve a small victory instead of lecture about the gone youth. Condemn an act, but not the person in general.
3. do not touch in dispute of relatives. You established the family, understand it. Tirade “You such and mother your such...“ will provide the beginning of scandal with statements to your mother.
4. “You do not saw sawdust“. Do not remember last offenses. Everyone had mistakes. If you once already forgave - do not allow thoughts of the past to torment you and your partner. It is deadlock option.
5. you Remember painful points of men and women: at women - it is appearance, at men are man`s advantages and business qualities. Compare the husband to others in its advantage. Sexual offenses never say goodbye. You praise the husband, his progress and advantages - receive more.
That man who at the wife admires beauty of the neigbour is silly. You do not praise other women in the presence of the.
6. you do not threaten with divorce. If you are not going to get divorced - do not play the word “divorce“, and the partner will tell that: “Yes, perhaps, it is an exit“. Threats and intimidations destroy geniality and proximity.
7. do not try to change each other. Each of spouses has to have own interests, hobbies, the circle of friends.
8. Any attempt to manipulate the partner, to press on him, to shout, cry or to be silent expressly do not pass completely, destroy trust and irritate.
9. Continuous grumble causes disappointment and a protest.
10. Negative labels “lazy“, “silly“, “insignificant“ generate offense and indignation. Constant reminders on shortcomings of the person will only increase these lines.
11. The Matrimonial relations in practice destroy myths:
- the myth about eternal love: “The partner has to love me always, even when I intolerable, whimsical and opposite“;
- the myth about a magic power of love: “The main thing - at us is love, and all everyday problems will be solved in itself“;
- myth “eye for an eye, tooth for tooth“: “As far as to me the partner made badly, so he should pay back“.
12. Deterioration in the matrimonial relations can be connected with a crisis situation in marriage. The first critical period comes between 3 - m and 7 - m year of matrimonial life and about a year proceeds. Its emergence is promoted by disappearance of romantic moods, frequent collisions and unwillingness to meet halfway as it was at the time of love, a tacit protest, reproaches. During this period it is necessary “to release“ each other, to be engaged in improvement in the profession, to communicate in the circle of friends. Temporary alienation will allow to understand that your partner is dear to you and to begin a new stage of joint life.
The second crisis period comes approximately between 17 - m and 25 - m year of joint life. Its emergence coincides with approach of the period of involution, emergence of somatic complaints, emergence of feeling of the loneliness connected with leaving of children, fears and experiences concerning aging at the wife and also aspirations of the husband to prove sexually on the party, “while the getting is good“. During this period it is necessary to distract from aging problems, to join collective entertainments, to visit theater, concerts, to pay visits to friends, to leave on the nature. If nevertheless business reaches changes, it is not necessary to dramatize excessively events, it is better to wait until at the partner there passes interest in illegitimate communications (most often it and comes to an end).
13. it is careful with criticism. The criticism comes back there from where it came. If the wife says to the husband that he is unshaven and looks bad, she can receive such answer: “At first look at yourself“. Criticizing the partner, it is necessary to praise at the same time something positive in him.
14. Show interest in everyday life of the partner, find the affairs which are carrying away both of you, make joint walks, visit theater.
15. you joke More often. The cheerful joke bears pleasure and distracts from problems.
16. do not try to rescue marriage by the child`s birth, family problems from it, as a rule, are only aggravated.
Will help to keep love and tenderness to each other mutual support and the help, expression of gratitude, compliments, interest in everyday life of the spouse. Kindness and keenness always get a response in other person.