Conflicts in the relations. How to establish the reasons?
- Me to go round this hummock or not how you consider?
- Well I do not know … it seems a hummock small. (I its sense did not see from - for high a car window)
the Powerful car of a representative class stumbled on a hummock, jumped up, but passed.
- You why to me told to run into a hummock, I because of you could damage the machine!
The man of my dream leaves, with irritation knocks a door. Discontentedly examines a wheel, sides. Offended he takes the wheel, and parks in an empty seat of the yard. Its charges unfair, silly seem to me. I feel in myself reciprocal offense, desire to answer roughly and most of all need for that understood, regretted … (here they, true requirements which influenced my life and my relations!)
We swore every day. Occasions and the reasons were always.
- You put on this jacket again?! I asked you, it not to dress? You specially do it that to attract foreign men? (in eyes rage and hatred)
I disturbing, terrible feeling: “he does not love me“ … (My leading requirement, - to feel like darling.)
- I what I cannot dress what is pleasant to me? Really, our relations depend on some jacket?!!!! (with tears in the eyes)
- You have to realize that you create! At you constantly some men spin, in phone, still where. Also you do not know in general what to expect from you!!!!
At some moment it becomes intolerable to suffer. Inside everything runs around like a mad, and it seems, I am on the verge of an abyss. There is a wish to draw attention, to cause sympathy, heat, love (in it there was a reason of my failures and the hysteric). And nothing except extreme steps remains. I begin to do what learned at the parents.
- you Know if I do not suit you, then I will leave right now!
I Put on slowly, on display. I get things, I begin to display on bags. Tears run in three streams. My God, as I am eager that it held me. (what for?)
- Leave?! Well, give, go from here, go, I too on figs do not need it! My beloved cannot act this way!
I begin a hysterics. Legs do not bear from IT. I love it and I hate at the same time! (For what I hate? And how hatred can adjoin to love? Unless, it is normal?) Why he will not hold me, will not embrace, will not kiss?!!! There is a desire to make something bad, time it acts in relation to me this way. In the yard I sit down on a shop under a window and most of all I want that it left that held. At heart it is so sick and bad that in tears the passing people do not confuse by. There passes time. Imperceptibly it sits down nearby. Further showdowns begin. You were wrong, no, it you were wrong. Somehow hardly it is possible to conclude a truce, however, inside there is a thought next itching, oppressing: “it should be finished … so it is impossible to live more“.
And then our night truces turned into the passionate relations of the man and woman on a knife edge. A drink of “saving“ love which aggravated only not passing bitterness with feeling of hopelessness … inside
How to establish the reasons of the conflicts?
In - the first, it is necessary to remember that you can establish only the reasons. Its reactions and its acts do not matter. Take the responsibility for the feelings, the experiences.
In - the second, watch yourself, the failures and hysterics. At what moments they arise? In response to what there are strong emotions? What do you want to achieve?
In the third, ask yourself questions of the state. Pay attention to the feelings, requirements, to all that storms inside. There is a wish to shout, go into hysterics, howl, to cry, fight, break plates? Very interestingly! Questions to: what I at this moment feel? From what to me it is so bad? Why to me its support (approval, love etc.) ? What I at it elicit? And most important question: WHAT DO I WANT to FEEL? This question will reveal your area of necessary study. to
On my example it is shown when and on what feelings I caught myself. Key points to which it is necessary to pay attention to each person who decided to change the life are selected.
Sometimes simple understanding that pushes you on the conflict, enough, to pass the next quarrel.
Identification of the true reasons of the conflicts will help you to understand with by itself. You will begin to feel, will understand what irritates you. Also you will know what to work with. And if very strongly want to get rid of the conflicts, then you will be able to find ways of overcoming of those feelings which cause your painful reactions.