Not to live, and to live. How to learn it? Whether
Are familiar to you feeling that life rushes by you, you run around like a squirrel in a cage, but it does not bring you satisfaction? You feel emptiness and do not see fruits of the work. One day replaces another with a sound speed, and in the middle of December you once again with horror realize that one more year of your life here - here will leave irrevocably.
The reality becomes reminiscence, without having become reality.
The reality is life here and now, in the present which is not greased past or future. This understanding of the requirements and acceptance on responsibility for the life. This understanding what you want when you want and as you can realize your desires.
The majority of us at the different moments of the life learned to avoid understanding of certain parts of the “I“ and the experience. Usually we evade from understanding to avoid unpleasant or frightening feelings and experiences. In a zoo the inscription on a cage with an ostrich says: “Not to frighten an ostrich - a floor concrete!“ We, unlike an ostrich, have great opportunities for avoiding - it is also derivation of attention with negative feelings, both a complete negation of these feelings, and aspiration in every possible way in advance to avoid situations in which these feelings can appear. All this does our emotional life more protected, but it not so, it is only self-deception. It seems to us that thus we save our sincere forces, but also it too not so.
The matter is that evasion and avoiding are the accurately certain actions demanding from us considerable expenses of energy which could be started up, meanwhile, on something really standing. We come to this world openheartedly and free understanding, with congenital curiosity and desire to learn all new that surrounds us. And only eventually we gain this ability - to block our understanding, to avoid understanding by an example of parents or proceeding from own experience which convinced us of need of this blocking. It turns out that already in the earliest childhood we study if I do not deceive, then to self-deception, a manipulation by itself. Such behavior is consolidated, becomes a habit and gradually ceases to be realized - becomes natural part ourselves.
Blocking understanding, we not only spend for this large number of forces and energy, but also we interfere with emergence at us natural reactions which were peculiar to us initially. We are angry with something, right there expressing the rage, and in reply we receive installation what to be angry - it is bad. Good children - are not angry, angry only bad, and do not love bad children of mother. And we very much want that mother loved us, and not only we want, it is vital for us. Risking to lose mother`s love, we risk to lose also all the world. We did not learn to hide the emotions still to avoid these emotions yet therefore the exit, only for us, is. And we with success cope with this task, for example, ceasing to see the situations causing in us rage.
It turns out that already in the early childhood, losing part of our spontaneous reactions and emotions, we lose part ourselves, becoming emotional cripples.
Actually as you guess, the law of energy conservation works also in a case with our emotions. Completely it is impossible to block any mental process, but it is possible to change for one another. And the boredom, emotional fatigue, confusion, concern, uneasiness become such substitutes usually. As you see, all these feelings, at first sight, look enough - neutral or, at least, soft. They work with some kind of screen behind which our brighter emotions are. Most often extramental or subconsciously blocked, stopped. The child can tell: “Mothers, it is boring for me. I want to go for a walk“. We are, as a rule, limited to the first part of the phrase: “It is boring for me“. While, surely follows it: “I want …“ Try to remember
when last time you were in one of above-mentioned states. Remember most in detail that situation and a situation which preceded it. Remember the feelings and experiences. What caused your boredom, fatigue, concern or uneasiness? Return mentally there once again. Think than or who caused your such state. Remember that you wanted to make or tell in that situation.
Now, knowing that unrealized energy, energy which was blocked where you would direct it on what feeling, experience was behind that your emotion? What would you test instead of boredom, fatigue or alarm - can be, grief, irritation, rage or excitement?.