Rus Articles Journal

How exactly money can spoil the relations: “I found your grist!“

Question of hiding of the income: “I found your grist!“

Earlier this phrase generally could belong only to the woman - as traditional was considered that husbands hide the salary.

That is, now with equal probability both the husband, and the wife can fall into a state when “suddenly“ learned about a real level of income of the second half. And not so touched that learned. It is important that...

What continuation arose of you in the head now? “... important why so does!“, “... Important where exactly spends!“, “... It is important to understand how to me now to behave.?“, “... It is important to speak everything that so was not any more!“. Perhaps, at you the some option was born now.

So why spouses can hide the income?
One of spouses does not accept hobbies of another (“That you want to buy?? What else boat motor!! Went crazy!“).

Preserve vanity of another - “that did not know that I earn more“ (it is the reason it is characteristic of women).

Create “safety cushion“ - often so happens in families where one of spouses strongly suffered in first marriage, and now it is not ready to remain after divorce “without a thing“.

Anyway is a signal that there is an uncertainty in feelings of the partner, not confidence in tomorrow. Most likely - at couple there will be still a jealousy (proved or not proved). And concealment of money in a family will be frequent to be perceived much more sharply, than change. Because change time can mean nothing to the developed relations (I do not say that will be painless, but will not destroy marriage). And here the understanding that “carries away money to that, and it contains“ is a real threat to a family.

SOLUTION of the SITUATION:
the Question of trust in couple is not that situation which “is solved from the head“ (“I have to trust it!“ - will not work). Begin with the fact that honestly recognize to yourself that in the relations something not so. If you do not intend to get divorced just a moment and what to undertake do not know (or are not ready) - transfer focus of attention to the affairs, interests. I mean that then you will be gnawed less by a subject of “carrying out from a family“. Perhaps, during this period it is worth passing to the share budget (see. “Family budget“). Perhaps, you feel natural desire more money to put in yourself, in the desires. Make it, only you remember that it not the solution of a situation. when you are ready
A - you sit down to discuss what really happens. And what you want to receive. The outcome of a situation depends on both parties.