How exactly money can spoil the relations: “Perhaps, to you to look for higher salary?“
“Perhaps, to you to look for more highly paid work?“
In your family occur quarrels from - for money?
Or you began to think recently that there are some difficulties in a family with money?
It means that in a family there are other disagreements, not financial character. you Want to learn
what lies behind family quarrels from - for money?
In families happens the different periods, including - the moments when one of spouses earns more. If the relations open, healthy - are versions of the additional income, uses of savings, options “hold in the budget“. If the fatal question sounded (even at you inside, without removal at discussion) - other questions to the relations ripened.
For example, the woman is not satisfied in sex, does not feel an attraction to the spouse, overtired from household chores. For any reasons in a family do not speak about it openly. And then, from aspiration to keep a family (and there can be the state of mind) - the woman will not tell “To me badly with you in a bed!“. And here to tell that the income level is not high - it is quite possible. And it is not important that the husband thinks about it - conversation even at the high income can be developed so that at it and language will not turn to speak about proximity (to refer on familiar with the big income, to mention that his brother has an apartment more etc.).
The return example - the man does not consider the wife worthy joint issue (she in his opinion thick - flat - small - not beautiful-...) . And then it is possible to refuse issues, visits of restaurant, joint holiday - under this plausible excuse. “Maybe you will begin to earn.?“
I then a question - flows from the plane of discontent with the wife in financial. Also it is possible not to discuss the true reasons of claims.
SOLUTION of the SITUATION: Begin
with what now occurs in the relations? What there is a wish to tell or ask about? Since what time phrases with reproaches about a salary began to appear? What changed in the relations lately? What emotions in general you experience at communication with the spouse / spouse? To find the real reason of discontent with a situation or with each other it is possible both by the analysis, and together with the therapist.
As for the formulation “can be to you to earn more?“ - that should be understood accurately that it is manipulation. So - it is necessary to stop it, without attempts to justify oneself or promises. How? “I hear what you tell me about the small income. It is unpleasant to me to hear it because I look for solutions. Therefore I ask you not to reproach more so.“. As option - if you are ready to they are to ask, than actually your spouse is not happy. So the situation will be clearer, and, most likely, other difficulties se will be opened