Loneliness or...? We resolve important issues
Why we so aspire to the relations and why we avoid loneliness? What so attracts us? What do we want to find?
For the majority of us it is an opportunity to feel favourite, valuable, important. It is a way to feel that you exist, we mean or it is necessary for Another. Sometimes we pay for the short moments of feeling of the importance and value in years of disappointments, pain and tears. But all the same we continue to remain in the relations, hoping to have former feelings again.
In this requirement to receive love, attention from the partner, recognition is covered one danger. If the partner in any reasons ceases to consider our interests, then we lose a support and we begin to fall in a chasm of fear, uselessness, uncertainty, senselessness, vulnerability. And as the only rescue we consider the possibility or to rely on the former partner, or to find new. Only it helps us to find the soil under legs.
Loss of the partner leads to loss of. This situation is taken difficult out and we think out a heap of ways that to avoid it: we improve the mind and a body, we try to meet expectations, we manipulate, we blackmail, we cause pity, we place on sense of guilt. That is diligently we run away from danger instead of setting to ourselves first the main issue: “That do I want from other that I have to want from myself?“ we are surprised with
in the period of love to as far as we are similar to the partner. When glasses of points lose the rich pink color and become transparent, we with surprise find a heap of shortcomings in our partner and we are surprised to the fact that we did not notice it earlier. Depending on scope of the revealed shortcomings, we or send the partner to an ash heap of history, or we continue to build the relations.
But it is not all. Sometimes we get stuck in this point of knowledge of and the partner. Our difference so frightens us that we cease to see prospect in the relations, carefully we stop attempts of other person to declare the desires, we blackmail him with retaliatory sanctions. The relations stiffen, cease to be updated, turning only into a monument of “good relations“.
But requirements and desires continue to live and demand manifestation in the most various ways: emergence of “third“ in partnership, various dependences, diseases. And here it is a high time for to set second the main issue: “What can I change in myself to allow the person whom I love, to be that whom he is?“
We seek to bring love, care, tenderness, understanding, acceptance in the relations, cutting such feelings as rage, irritation, disappointment, shame, boredom, offense.
Ignoring the “shadow“ party of the relations, we begin to live as if in the beautiful picture filled with control and manipulations. We apply many forces to keep the current situation, carefully we filter feelings and feelings which we allow in the relations.
We focus the attention on children, work, health (and is more true - an illness) to avoid contact with a subject of the personal relations where a lot of tension from - for not expressed feelings is saved up. Tension which can be discharged, only if to answer third , the main issue: “What feelings I do not show in the relations? What stops me? Whether I am ready to risk, to declare?“
not the most convenient and simple questions. But sometimes as medicine during an illness they are necessary.