Rus Articles Journal

From where the low self-assessment undertakes?

For the person with a low self-assessment are peculiar high uneasiness and low level of formation I - an image - that is ideas of themselves, of the positive and negative qualities. Its self-assessment directly depends on how it is estimated people around, from - for what it gets to emotional dependence on them. Why?

Because he begins itself to see them eyes, accepting everything that think of it without healthy criticism and tell others.

Roots of a low self-assessment, of course, leave in detsko - the parental relations. In fact, the person with a low self-assessment is the one who still emotionally did not separate from the parents. The office occurs at teenage age and as “office“ is “gap“, it always occurs painfully for both parties. Not all parents possess wisdom and force competently to pass through it test. As a rule, all their efforts are intuitively directed to releasing the child from themselves. And all efforts of the teenager, also intuitively, are directed to separating from parents.

It is promoted by such mechanism of human mentality as change of priorities in communication in this age. If to teenage age all attention and attachment were directed to parents, from them receiving support and approval was also important, then now all these requirements go outside - to the peers, to friends. Now friends become more significant, and their opinion is decisive, and their support - the most important for the young man. It is so arranged with the nature in order that the person got the first experience of communication with a social environment, learned to establish connection with others - not the family to create to itself base on the future - that experience on which it will rely already in adulthood where it will need to interact effectively with an environment for satisfaction of the requirements.

At the same time it must be kept in mind that parents also endure serious crisis - they feel devoted, unnecessary, left by the child whom they raised by that moment more than 10 years. Therefore it is natural that they direct all the forces to reestablishing that communication which was between them and the child from the moment of the birth. And here already a lot of things depend on as far as parents can help each other, support each other in this situation. As far as they are satisfied with the life, the achievements. If education of the child - was the leading occupation in their life, then, of course, the probability of their “victory“ in this fight for independence is especially high. If they are able to find what unites them besides the child, then and it will be much easier to accept his leaving in adulthood to them.

One more complexity for parents of the teenager consists that if in their personal relations - in couple relations - there were already any problems which somehow managed be not to noticed or compensated for the account of the child, then now former mechanisms of adaptation fall. Parents are left in the relations in private, without habitual “emotional crutches“ on which it was very convenient to lean and which both of them tried not to notice. And, of course, what to face the problems long ago hidden even sometimes from themselves it is much simpler to try to return former balance - naturally, at the expense of the child. And if it works well - the child remains entered in parental system of relationship as an integral part, then further it will be extremely difficult to get an autonomy.

As a rule, the low self-assessment, lack of skill of social communication, readiness to endow itself, the interests for the sake of others, aspiration to avoiding of failures, inability to satisfy the requirements, and often even inability to distinguish them, absence of aspirations to achievement, low self-confidence, the opportunities and abilities is a consequence of this “not office“.