Rus Articles Journal

From where the fear of marriage undertakes?

More and more people prefer a “barchelor“ way of life, refusing the marriage relations, or enter not too official and binding forms of marriage (the civil marriage - simply, usual cohabitation without registration of any documents, guest marriage and so on is so very widespread, up to virtual).

Such state of affairs is frequent is based on the fact that the old form of marriage is impractical in new living conditions that this marriage dies off. Like, earlier marriage was the compulsory measure urged to protect interests of children as the woman alone could not grow up them, now, when women have an opportunity to work and earn sometimes even more men, there is no need for the marriage relations. But whether really in it business?

The declared causes of failure from the marriage relations are not represented rather weighty. Providing children - only one of marriage components. Marriage is something much bigger, than just an opportunity to give rise and grow up the child. And nevertheless refusals are multiplied.

We will remember some historic facts. For example, the queen of England Elizabeth I who is considered as one of the most great rulers in the history of the state all life refused flatly to marry. And this with the fact that from it pressed marriage and the birth of the successor of a throne. Elizaveta motivated refusal of marriage with religious reasons, but it is represented that actually the reason was other. Six marriages of her father, Henry VIII, caused permanent rejection of the marriage relations in Elizaveta. Still English school students use the following mnemonic phrase to remember destiny of wives of this English king: “divorced - executed - died - divorced - executed - worried“.

Elizaveta had an opportunity to watch destiny of four royal wives, perfectly knew about destiny of mother executed on far-fetched charge of change to the king and also about Ekaterina Aragonskaya`s destiny, the first wife of Henry VIII, marriage with whom was declared by invalid. By the way, this king very originally got divorced: marriages with Ekaterina Aragonskaya, and then with Anna Boleyn (Elizabeth I`s mother), were declared invalid from the very beginning that automatically put children from these marriages in position of bastard. So it happened to the princess Maria (subsequently became the queen Mary I Krovavoy), Ekaterina Aragonskaya`s daughter, so it happened also to Elizaveta. Fell asleep the princess and the successor of a throne, woke up already illegitimate.

It is also necessary to consider that Henry VIII`s marriages were quite short. Two - three years - and the next wife filled up the list “former“, and even ascended to a scaffold. The marriage with Anna Klevskaya concluded for political reasons lasted several months at all. The marriages with Anna Boleyn and Ekaterina Howard concluded on passionate love ended with executions. So it is not surprising that Elizaveta all life avoided the marriage relations, it had a permanent idea of marriage, as about something very dangerous to the woman and not too pleasant for the man.

Queen Elizabeth of I is not lonely in such opinion on marriage. A great number of women and men adhere to the same views, especially after own unsuccessful marriages and stains. Besides, there are also those who as well as Elizaveta, watched unsuccessful marriage of parents - with scandals, a beating and other “delights“. It is natural that the people who grew up in similar families not too hurry with a marriage, preferring it various analogs and substitutes, so to speak, the “free“ relations.

It is necessary to notice that those who are not aggravated by children`s ideas of marriage as business burdensome and unpleasant even after own unsuccessful marriage aspire to the family relations and soon enough conclude the repeated marriage alliance. The same who grew up in dysfunctional families in the majority marry late enough and if get divorced, then to repeated marriage they are not torn at all, considering that it is enough one experiment, besides, the negative own experience confirms initial installation of children`s years: “good business marriage will not be called“.

If the people who grew up in dysfunctional families early marry, it most often is flight from a family - marriage is represented an opportunity to get rid of life with parents, to become independent. In most cases the settled “family“ scheme of the relations is transferred to such early marriages, and everything comes to an end with divorce, and also installation for the rest of life: marriage - it is bad.

A mantra “good business marriage will not be called“ is not eternal and invariable at all. It is possible to change such installation by means of the psychologist. Also it changes, and even disappears if on the way rather good person loving and careful which business proves incorrectness of initial ideas of marriage meets. Unfortunately, many pass by the happiness, blinded by failures of parents and own. And instead of visits to the psychologist prefer communication with the girlfriends and friends supporting negative opinion on the marriage relations.

And still whatever opponents of traditional marriage spoke, it is not just providing children, a financial guarantee and so on to this day, but first of all - division of a grief and pleasure between people ( … both in the mountain, and in pleasure, and in wealth, and in poverty, and in health, and in an illness... ). And as it is known, the shared pleasure is increased, and the divided grief - decreases. So also good business can be called marriage. Moreover - is called.

And substitute forms of marriage (civil, guest, virtual and other modern variations) are only division of pleasure, and the grief should be disentangled in an individual order. You remember: “ to Sladk berry ate together, to a gork berry - I one … “.